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AIBU?

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Original poster

Are we invited or not?

177 replies

WeddingConfusion · 08/08/2024 15:28

We've received an invitation to DH's niece's wedding later in the year but it's not clear to us whether we're invited to the whole day or just the evening.

On the front of the invitation our names have been beautifully handwritten but the rest of it - details, inserts and RSVP card - are all printed.

One of the inserts is an Order of the Day giving timings of everything from guests arrival, ceremony, photographs etc. through to carriages at midnight. Based on the fact we've been sent one of these DH and I are assuming we're invited to the whole day. However...

Underneath the printed details of the date and venue, in the same beautiful handwriting, it says "evening party starts at 19.00". This is half an hour earlier than the time on the Order of the Day and it's making us wonder if that's the time for evening guests to arrive and we are, in fact, only invited to the evening. If that's the case though then we don't understand why we've been sent an Order of the Day if we don't need one.

Obviously one of us will have to phone SIL for clarification but before we do I thought I'd put it to a poll and see what others think. It is, of course, quite possible we're overthinking it and it's perfectly obvious (to everyone but us!) but it would be dreadfully embarrassing to turn up to the bit we're not actually invited to or to only turn up in the evening when we should have been there all day!

YABU - It's perfectly clear you're invited to the whole day
YANBU - It's obvious you're only invited to the evening

OP posts:
endofanera23 · 09/08/2024 14:28

DaisyDewks · 09/08/2024 13:34

Wow, gobsmacked. The most weird thing ever including day information and dietary requirements. They are 100% going to have guests turning up in the day because they are misleading everyone.

Dietary requirements makes sense because you'll still be fed in the evening so you need to know how many gluten free, vegan, etc options you need. The ceremony information makes sense because a lot of people, depending on travel plans, go to the church/ceremony even if they're only invited to the evening. But the whole thing printed out as a timeline including the meal you're not invited to, I agree is very confusing!

cannellonivesuvio · 09/08/2024 14:12

DaisyDewks · 09/08/2024 13:34

Wow, gobsmacked. The most weird thing ever including day information and dietary requirements. They are 100% going to have guests turning up in the day because they are misleading everyone.

What a circus and how embarrassing for everyone. I’d be so pissed off.

Witchbitch20 · 09/08/2024 13:54

Blydi hell !

Weddings are very over complicated affairs now aren’t they.

Thanks for the update.

Thursdaygirl · 09/08/2024 13:40

DaisyDewks · 09/08/2024 13:34

Wow, gobsmacked. The most weird thing ever including day information and dietary requirements. They are 100% going to have guests turning up in the day because they are misleading everyone.

Blimey, I would love to be a fly on the wall when lots of extra guests try to find their correct table/place setting at the meal ……

DaisyDewks · 09/08/2024 13:34

Wow, gobsmacked. The most weird thing ever including day information and dietary requirements. They are 100% going to have guests turning up in the day because they are misleading everyone.

DappledThings · 09/08/2024 13:34

Well your niece has definitely fucked up then. I wouldn't have thought anything from that invitation other than we were invited to the whole thing and RSVPd then turned up.

If multiple people have had the same invitation she might find herself with a few people at the church/ceremony expecting to be part of that and be properly fed.

If I were you I'd suggest to her she calls a few people herself to clarify. Awkward.

Original poster
WeddingConfusion · 09/08/2024 13:14

UPDATE

I managed to speak with SIL earlier and, not being involved in the wedding planning, she agreed it was confusing! After a lengthy chat, going over different possibilities and both ending up unable to come to a conclusion she went off to phone DN and got back to me.

Turns out that we are, indeed, "only" (for want of a better word; we're very happy to be asked to join them for any part of their day) invited to the evening celebration! Apparently the Order of the Day has been included so that we know what to expect in the evening.

To clarify for those who have wondered, we all get on very well as a family but we don't keep in constant contact therefore not "close" with DN in the sense that we see or speak to her regularly. We're absolutely not in the least offended at not being invited to the whole day, it will be lovely to catch up with everyone in the evening!

Thanks to everyone for your comments and thoughts. Some have been highly amusing, especially the snarky ones from @surprisedactually who was clearly invested but pretending not to be 😂

OP posts:
Deliberationdivinationdesperation · 09/08/2024 12:13

I reckon you're invited to the whole day but I'm posting so I can come back and see what your SIL says 😆

tooeasy · 09/08/2024 11:29

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

surprisedactually · 09/08/2024 09:14

Thursdaygirl · 09/08/2024 09:09

Yep, there’s always one!

Show quote history

more than that usually on mumsnet threads

Thursdaygirl · 09/08/2024 09:09

AGoingConcern · 09/08/2024 01:53

... and there's the requisite completely unhinged MN response.

Yep, there’s always one!

anywhichone · 09/08/2024 06:58

I'd say whole thing. Evening only would be a separate invite.

surprisedactually · 09/08/2024 05:50

Runnerinthenight · 08/08/2024 20:53

What is the point of your snipey posts? Are you bored dear?

Show quote history

Sorry just seen other stuff going on for you 🌷

Pistachiochiochio · 09/08/2024 02:10

WeddingConfusion · 08/08/2024 16:23

I did wonder if I was just being a bit thick! I do feel that being absolutely crystal clear is quite important when it comes to something as significant as a wedding!

Poor SIL is wracked with anxiety at the best of times and she'll be mortified if she has to tell us we're only invited to the evening as she'll no doubt think we'll feel slighted - which couldn't be further than the truth!

Show quote history

You could say "just had the invitation through and we're delighted. I wanted to check - should we get there for/at 7 or between 7 and 7.30?" And send her photos of the order of the day and the handwritten bits so she can check if necessary.
Rather than "are we invited to the whole thing?"

AGoingConcern · 09/08/2024 01:53

... and there's the requisite completely unhinged MN response.

Frogpole · 09/08/2024 01:48

WeddingConfusion · 08/08/2024 15:28

We've received an invitation to DH's niece's wedding later in the year but it's not clear to us whether we're invited to the whole day or just the evening.

On the front of the invitation our names have been beautifully handwritten but the rest of it - details, inserts and RSVP card - are all printed.

One of the inserts is an Order of the Day giving timings of everything from guests arrival, ceremony, photographs etc. through to carriages at midnight. Based on the fact we've been sent one of these DH and I are assuming we're invited to the whole day. However...

Underneath the printed details of the date and venue, in the same beautiful handwriting, it says "evening party starts at 19.00". This is half an hour earlier than the time on the Order of the Day and it's making us wonder if that's the time for evening guests to arrive and we are, in fact, only invited to the evening. If that's the case though then we don't understand why we've been sent an Order of the Day if we don't need one.

Obviously one of us will have to phone SIL for clarification but before we do I thought I'd put it to a poll and see what others think. It is, of course, quite possible we're overthinking it and it's perfectly obvious (to everyone but us!) but it would be dreadfully embarrassing to turn up to the bit we're not actually invited to or to only turn up in the evening when we should have been there all day!

YABU - It's perfectly clear you're invited to the whole day
YANBU - It's obvious you're only invited to the evening

A sceptical person might think that you're not being very nice there OhPea. They might think you're being a little bit condescending, or pick up on a bit of a "Haha look how hard they tried and it's still not good enough for me, can you all see how silly they are? Three cheers for me, hip hip Huzzah!" vibe. If the sceptics got together and talked about it a bit, they might question how it is a couple can hold you in such high regard that they invite you at great personal expense to share one of if not the most important day of their entire lives with them, while you hold them in such disdain that your knee-jerk reaction is to tell some internet strangers about how silly said couple are. They might even wonder why you'd prefer to get some anonymous social media clicks rather than pick up the phone or send a WhatsApp to say thank you and to clear up the confusion on your end.

I'm not a sceptic myself so I wouldn't know, I'm just saying how some other people might come to think that way.

CheatingMenz · 09/08/2024 00:29

NotSureWhatUsernameToChoose · 08/08/2024 16:16

carriages at midnight

err... what?? Is it Cinderella getting married again?

Sadly Prince Charming cheated and he's now a SBXH.

ilovesushi · 09/08/2024 00:13

At first I thought it was obvious you were invited to the evening do only as the hand written bit was clearly the personalised bit relevant to you. But it does sound like it might be a correction to the printed info rather than a personalised bit. I am sure others will be equally confused. How awful if people don't turn up to the service because they think they are evening only.

DreamTheMoors · 08/08/2024 23:45

Just go for the whole thing. Surely they won’t say anything. And if they do, just tell them that’s what you understood from their invitation.
Done and done and no phone call necessary.
But it would be very poor manners for them to say something and it would be very poor form to only invite you to part* of their celebration.

*This only inviting people to “portions” of the day is just about the rudest wedding behaviour to ever come down the pike.

pizzaHeart · 08/08/2024 22:49

masomenos · 08/08/2024 15:37

I think you're invited to the whole thing, and timings have changed since the invitations were printed.

Is there a big gap between events, and is there a possibility guests might wander off or go back to their rooms in the middle of the day? That's probably why they've drawn attention to the timing of the evening thing.

I agree with this*

EdithBond · 08/08/2024 22:44

time2changeCharlieBrown · 08/08/2024 20:21

Yep it’s confusing
let us know! I wonder if she’s busy on the phone because another fifty people are asking about this

Lol

EdithBond · 08/08/2024 22:39

thestudio · 08/08/2024 18:01

If it turns out you're just there for the evening party you'd better let SIL know that it's a bit confusing in case other evening guests turn up at 12 and have to be <gulp> turned away..

God I'm clenching at the horror of it.

Ha! And they’ll be in hats when they needed disco wear

AGoingConcern · 08/08/2024 22:32

Countingcactus · 08/08/2024 22:21

You received a wedding invitation and there isn’t even a phone number included? Is it snail mail responses only?!

I'm not sure I've seen a phone number on a wedding invite for a while now that I think of it. If they want to go traditional it's snail mail but most have a website to RSVP at now, or at least an email address. OP mentioned an RSVP card so I assume it's a snail mail one.

Countingcactus · 08/08/2024 22:21

You received a wedding invitation and there isn’t even a phone number included? Is it snail mail responses only?!

CuttySarcasm · 08/08/2024 22:11

It would be a bit cruel to invite you just to the evening but let you know about all the other timings! So I’m another one that thinks you’re invited to the whole thing!