DH & date nights

It's not the same though is it. You can have a great social life but still need a date with your husband.

This! You were looking for a fight today OP.

Also, if you don't pay childcare you probably do have enough to pay a babysitter at least once a month. Do it. Find one, book a restaurant, go out!

you made it about him failing to get the ball rolling on going out the two of you

And also, actually, working and being away in a nice hotel with room service and dinners and a good nights sleep is a piece of piss compared to being at home with small children.

Not the best way to raise it OP but I get where you’re coming from. Easy to lose yourselves in young kids. We were lucky to have in laws close by when ours were young and went out quite a lot. Usually arranged by me!

Now kids have left home he’s still one of my favourite people to go out for a drink with or a meal.

We don't go out that often on date nights, maybe about 4 times a year. We only have 1 person we can rely on for babysitting, but as they also help out a lot with childcare during the schools holidays , I don't like to ask often.

I'd love to go out more just the 2 of us, but fully accept that's part of parenthood. We do go out separately with friends too, so I have social events with friends where I'm not relying on a babysitter. Do you not have this?

jokingly/arsily

No op. you were grumpy and in a mood. There was no “joking” about it

He responded in kind

We take our baby with us everywhere. Date night is whenever she is asleep and we can get it on

When our children were small we made an effort to go away together at least twice a year for at least 1 night, sometimes 2. We also went out together at least twice a month, sometimes more.

At some point your children will grow up and leave and if you like and love your husband and still want to be together at that point (you may not!) you need to keep investing in your relationship even while you have small children. Especially when you have small children.

Ours have left home now and we're still happily married and obviously can go out whenever we want - and do - but one of the reasons we survived the baby years and the toddler years and the teenage years and the young adult years is that we made an effort for each other and with each other and prioritised our marriage as much as we prioritised our children because once the kids have gone, that's what you're left with.

The way you brought it up wasn't right, tell him that and apologise but there's nothing wrong with the sentiment imo.

do you work? have colleagues? any friends good enough to go out with?

you raised date nights to kick start an argument op

and then got pissed off he wasn’t enthused

When mine were that age we had a baby sitter once a week. It was a midweek day and we did different stuff - bowling, cycling, pub, cinema, dinner. If dh was away I just went and did something with friends or alone. That midweek break from doing only mum stuff really helped me.

So I think if I were you I would investigate finding a non family regular sitter. You could always use them on the night your dh is away for work and do something for you.

I can totally relate to how you are feeling. It sounds like whilst your husband is a good dad and works hard he doesn't want to spend 1-1 quality time with you, it isn't his priority. I would be upset be this.

I have two kids younger than yours but my husband always jumps at the chance of organising a romantic weekend away for just me and him. If you had no family that could babysit then it's obviously different but from what you've said it sounds more like he doesn't ask.

YANBU @Modestandatinybitsexy. You were wrong to raise it as part of an argument, which you've already acknowledged, but it's completely reasonable to want to go out with your husband for a nice meal once a month, and worth paying for a babysitter.

If he thinks your DC are too young to leave (really?! They're not babies!) then you could have a special meal at home instead - put away your phones, dress up a bit and he can cook something nice.

But you benefit very well from his good job with his salary.

My DH gets to go to dinners and stay in hotels, I wish I could do that! But I don't do the same (hard) job as him and nor do I want to, so I don't get that.

I do however benefit from his decent salary. I think you're being a bit of a brat tbh.

On average we got out once a fortnight book stuff like concert that the kids can’t do!

Instead of arguing about it, both of you need to be productive.

Have you got any childcare? Grandparents or trusted babysitters? Plan a monthly date night.

It really depends on circumstances, some people don’t have anyone to look after the kids so date nights are rare. If you’ve got someone who will have the kids once a month or two then utilise that.

YANBU to suggest once every month, but as you’ve said yourself you didn’t raise the topic in a good way.

I don’t have kids but I’ve offered to look after my friends kids who don’t have family around so they can go out for an evening without the kids as I know it’s something many couples struggle with.

Generally speaking OP you sound very lucky and wanted a fight because you were in a bad mood.

We only go out about every other month because we can't afford it!

Twice a week just DH and I go out together usually for lunch but occasionally for breakfast or dinner. Our DC are grown up now. We both retired early. We make sure we are having our time whilst still healthy enough to enjoy it. I saw my own Dad retire and die within a year.