DH & date nights

Now I'm in my second marriage we put a lot of importance about time together and without our respective children.
And not always easy as my ex husband didn't often have my dds. So we started having special nights in with dinner for the two of us and he would often cook it as I did most of the cooking. Now we love a Friday after work. We meet up in London near one of our offices and enjoy a few drinks before heading home.

It's important to reconnect together and spend time without other distractions. If babysitters are in short supply organise a night in with the kids in bed and the tv off. A Tesco finest dinner always goes down well with us and it's time just focusing on ourselves

Never die to childcare issues.

Feeling lonely on one night is a bit extreme too.

@Boxina fair enough, you don't have to like the term, even tho that's exactly what it is 😂😂 . The nights you have with every man and his dog, avoiding spending time alone with the man you love, that's a night out. A night with your partner alone is a date (or can be) on a night...: I give you ... DATE NIGHT

Take yourself out next week to a properly decent restaurant op. People watch, savour your meal. Enjoy yourself. He can look after the kids, since he doesn’t want babysitters you say your decision on babysitters doesn’t mean you’re the only one who gets to go for nice meals out.

I find the phrase cringy. It's just a night out!

Together? Once in a blue moon. Maybe twice a year. Kids tweens/teens.

My tip is don't overdo meals out as this seems like the default lots of people do and yes it can be expensive and quite frankly boring! Yes I love my husband but date nights to dinner don't thrill me. You don't need money, stargazing, swim at the beach, massage with candles etc are free

I do agree with this post. I find it really odd when couples only hang out with kids or other couples. Yes that's all lovely but I cant not understand not wanting the intensity of just being with your partner alone with no outside influence.

If that works for them fine but I don't think date nights are cringe.

Been married 20+ years and “date nights”‘weren’t really a thing back then when you were married. Once we’d had kids a night out was usually just anniversaries and a meal out for all of us for birthdays. We didn’t have the money to spend on nights out. Now kids are grown up we occasionally have meals out but usually just for specific occasions

Why would you find date nights cringy? It's just a way to describe having a night out with your partner. Thats weird. And if you actually cringe at the "date" part then you might want to look at your relationship. It's healthy to spend some time alone with your partner.

“to expect” a positive reaction to a grumpy pissed off the suggestion of date night essentially moaning? yes

Am I being reasonable to expect a date night.....

Some friends of ours are doing alphabet dates . Not all at night some during the day. Not all out of the house.
Basically they take it in turn to organise a date. First one had to begin with A second one B and so on. They aim to do one every 6-8 weeks

We haven't been out together without our DC for around a year and a half. I have a 3.5 yr old and a 9 MO.

When DC were little, we decided that having regular time together was a priority. I advertised for a babysitter and found a lovely lady, who came about once a week, and we went out together. DC loved her, she became like another Grandma to them. It was so much better than having to ask favours from reluctant relatives!

We included the weekly babysitting in our budget, and cut back on other costs rather than lose that time together. When we went out with the DC, we tended to do cheap or free things, which are often just as good as paid for outings, and took picnics.

About two or three times a month but way less when DC were small.

why post in AIBU then?

No. Cringe to call it a date night. It's just a night out.

Cringe to have a night out alone with your partner?

I think this was established by the OP in her original post. She said herself she hadnt handled the conversation well as was grumpy so not sure why you feel the need to keep bringing it up. Her post was asking other people's experiences on how often they had date nights.

yup

so best not raise it when you’re grumpy and pissed off

Side issue: I love my work travel and meals out with colleagues. I feel unencumbered and it is a big treat. DH and I didn’t go out at all when kids were younger. Couldn’t afford it (I wasn’t travelling then either). I think there are more issues at play here OP. Talk to your DH about how you are feeling when you aren’t tired and grumpy and go from there (and assuming it’s true, with the explicit starting point that you want to take everyone’s needs into account).

OP is carrying the family load.
It is not too much to want to be taken out for dinner occasionally.

And actually while travelling for work can be tiring, it certainly is easier than juggling work, children, activities, laundry, housework.

After a hard day he can order a nice meal.

Sure he may miss home, but being the parent to a spouse that travels a lot is not fun.

Not unreasonable to want to share a nice meal occasionally.

Hope you feel better soon.

My DC are 9 and 7 and I think we’ve had two this year so far? One planned for September but with other people not just us two.