To not want his mum’s ring?

It's pretty obvious that the size of the stone is not the only thing about the ring that the OP doesn't like - it's yellow gold, which she isn't keen on, and it's a solitaire, which is a shape she dislikes, and it's a dated design. I think it's just about personal taste, rather than materialism. Nobody should have to wear an item of jewellery every day that they don't enjoy looking at.

If I were your DIL, I wouldn't want to wear your grandmother's ring because I would absolutely not want a large stone - I don't like large stones at all.

If my partner gave me a ring of his mother's that was, eg, yellow gold and had a large stone (especially a pear-cut one, which I don't like - sorry OP!) I wouldn't want to wear it, regardless of how much it was worth, simply because I would hate it and I want my hand to look like my hand rather than someone else's in a ring that didn't reflect my taste. And it's perfectly reasonable that the OP should feel the that way about her partner's mum's ring, regardless of what it's worth.

It's not about the monetary value, it's about what someone actually likes and wants to wear, and if the OP likes a larger stone then that's fine.

I totally get this. I really wouldn't want to be responsible for a ring that has such colossal emotional value due to what must've been a horribly early bereavement. It's not even just losing it, though that's the worst case scenario of course. I'd be worried about damaging it, probably more so than I would a dearer ring that has only ever been mine. It makes total sense, it's the nature of the item value for a child who lost his mother young.

Oh no, I love the sapphire "monstrosity". Odd thing to feel sorry for her about when she has access to that wonderful jewellery collection!
I think, accept the ring, have the stone built into something of your own design and have the gold incorporated into a ring for him. Go to a jewellery designer in an independent shop once you are engaged and talk to them about what you like.

Agreed, and the fact it wasn't a happy marriage makes it worse. My sister wears my grandma's 1939 ring and it's lovely. But I wouldn't want to wear my mums 1976 ring. It sounds very like the OP's one and it's dated.

Just tell him!!

I know someone who was in this exact situation, but took the ring and changed it all to something she preferred, and then after that, decided she wasn't keen on it and wanted a new one anyway! So had completely wiped out the sentimental element of it!

I always wondered how the groom's sisters felt about that - sure they'd have loved to have kept their mums engagement ring if it wasn't going to be the bride's permanent ring after all!

My own theory is that Kate has her own engagement ring that she wears privately. The Diana monstrosity is worn when she’s doing her public appearances.

Another theory is that the Diana monstrosity ring that we see is a good copy and the original is locked in a safe.

It doesn’t matter where Diana’s ring came from, nor the fact that she divorced, as it obviously still had sentimental value to William, regardless. Chances are that Kate also might love it!

Would he consider having it remade into a modern ring you like? With an added stone if that's what you want?

Then you get to have they style you like, and he knows his mums ring is still in use.

It's usually not expensive as you're reusing the materials, so you're mostly just paying for labour.

Could you get a jeweller to remove the stone from its setting and turn it into a moi et toi style ring with a pear cut diamond in a platinum band?

You’d get an even more impactful piece (if that’s what you want) as well as including a lovely memory from his Mum?

The fact is that Op doesn’t want the ring .
It is not her style .

I'd say I was 'deeply honoured to be given his DMs ring, but as it won't be the right size could we get a nice chain and I can wear it as a necklace? Then we can pick an engagement ring together that's unique to us in this moment.'
Or something along those lines.
As long as you're not mean about the ring I would hope he'd be fine with that suggestion.

Bit harsh. I'm sure OP very much appreciates the sentiment and how much he must care about her to want to give her this ring that is so important to him. But wouldn't we all feel like one of the most important pieces of jewellery we will ever receive and wear for the rest of our lives is something we actually like?!

Tell him you could not live with yourself if something happened to it, and there are better ways to preserve it (perhaps mounted in a shadow frame in the house, I did this to my grandmothers jewelry and it looks lovely, but also is nice and safe). And that you would prefer a new ring for this reason.

Tell him. Maybe he can propose with it ans then you go to pick up a ring for you together. The mums ting could be worn on some special occasions and then passed on to a daughter (if you're planning on having kids).

OP, there are some incredible goldsmiths who can take the elements of the ring and recreate something more your style, using the gold and stones.

I'm a metalsmith myself, but I don't do this work. I can vouch for the success of it though - it's the perfect way to solve this dilemma.

Do your research, look at loads of designs, then go from there. The gold will be melted and reworked, the stone can be reset with another gemstone/s. it can even be plated with platinum so you get the ring you want, using your DH's mother's original ring.

Alternatively, use the gold to create your ring, and save the yellow diamond to set for an 18th Birthday gift for a future child or something.

I don't understand the responses here telling you to give him some frilly explanation about fear of losing it, or wanting to keep it for a possible eventual daughter - the number one reason you don't want it is because it isn't to your taste, so just tell him that. You will be the one wearing it every day, and there's nothing wrong with wanting something that you really love. You can be appreciative of the gesture and what it means whilst being clear that you don't think the ring suits you. Then you can discuss together what the best thing is to do with it - save it to pass onto an eventual child that you have together, get it remade into another piece of jewellery etc.

Tell him. Kindly. And no you shouldn't have to compromise and wear it all.

Maybe he can get something done with it for himself? Or for a potentially future child.

You will be the one wearing the ring so you need to be happy with it.

Tell him, and also tell him how you’d love to honour his mum by making her ring into your wedding jewellery or something. You should be able to come up with an idea that keeps you both happy.

It always seemed weird to me that William gave Kate Diana's ring. Firstly Di picked it out of a catalogue, it wasn't anything uber-special apart from its value, it wasn't specially made or chosen for her by Charles, secondly, the marriage ended in divorce.

Speak now OP or forever hold your peace.

Indeed, it's hard enough to pick one's OWN engagement ring and still love it decades later. Eg i have a very sparkly radiant cut but now I'm older I would probably go emerald cut.

You are meant to be so close that you are getting married but haven't been honest with him about this ring?

' Darling, I know you have huge sentimental attachment for your mothers ring but it's a ring of it's time and not a style that I would wear. I also do t want the responsibility of wearing something that is so precious to you. I'd like my own ring, on that is for me, that will have its own memories of us.'

Tell him that:

• you are incredibly flattered and touched that he would trust you with his mum's ring
• you also think it's really lovely that he wants you to have that connection with his mum, who is no longer here and who you really wish you could have met
• however, the ring itself is just not your style, and there are fashions and trends in engagement rings just like there are in everything else - while it's a lovely ring, it's vintage and yellow gold and just not 'you', and it wouldn't be fair on you (or him) if you wore such a precious and sentimental item every day while not actually really feeling that it suits you

Perhaps you could suggest he proposes with that ring as a lovely gesture towards his late mum, and then you go out together and choose your own ring together?

Maybe you could suggest that you also wear his mum's ring on a necklace (although you shouldn't feel obliged to if you don't want to)?

You can also say that (if you plan to have kids one day) it would be a lovely thing to hand down to your future daughter or daughter-in-law either to wear or to have made into a new piece of jewellery.

You say something along the lines of being honoured to wear the ring, but the style not suiting you, but you'd love to have it made into something else, a necklace or a braclet.

And I'm not buying the scared of losing it argument, I'm sure he won't either, it's a cop out, so when you tell him, just be honest.

You can have two..I know that may sound greedy 😅 but like you said if it gets lost or damaged. You can have his mother's and wear on occasions but have a day to day one..

I was thinking of getting a cheap one for day to day as my current one is a heirloom and I am so worried if one of the stones fall out when out.

Say it to him like that?