To not want his mum’s ring?

Can you just tell him that you’re worried about losing it and would like to pick something else out?

It's up to your (almost) DH to honour his mum's memory - you shouldn't feel you have to do that by wearing her ring every day.

I'm not a big fan of heirloom rings from the groom's family - there's something quite patriarchal about it to me, almost as though you're just another woman marrying into the Jones family, rather than the engagement and marriage being about the couple.

Definitely get your own ring. I mean what's he going to say- 'no, I insist you wear my deceased mother's ring even though you don't like it'??

Accept ring if he wants to give it to you but not as your engagement ring That should be your choice Or sell hers to finance yours

I think, like a previous post also suggested, that using the diamond in another piece of jewellery that you would enjoy wearing would be a nice way to honour the importance of the piece.

Did you give him the minimum price as well? Make sure you tell his sperm that you want a daughter!

My mum died 13 days after DH and I got married, back in 1998.

When my mum’s will was read, she had left me her engagement ring, which was an absolute abomination, but had a decent sized diamond in the centre. I worked with a local jeweller who used the gold form the ring, and the diamond, to make me a brand new ring, with my mum’s March birth stones added. It’s much more to my own taste.

I asked my dad beforehand if he minded, and he was incredulous that I had even asked.

Now I have a ring I really really love but it is also very precious to me.

Couldn't agree more.
Talk about bad karma.

Very ugly ring too.

We took the largest of the three diamonds out of my grandmother’s ring, and had it set onto a simple gold band for DS’s partner.

The ring, as it was, wouldn’t have suited her, but the new ring is beautiful.

She doesn’t like the style or colour of metal either.

I was given DH’s mum’s ring - eventually, he proposed without any ring at all - and wore it until we got married. Then I chose a wedding ring that didn’t go with the engagement ring at all, so it ended up in a box.

When my mum passed away, my sister suggested that I have her engagement ring, to pass on to one of my dses, as and when they get engaged. The two of them who are still unmarried know about this, but if they or their girlfriends didn't want to use the ring, I would not be offended in the slightest.

One ds is already married, so clearly two of them will not get to inherit mum's engagement ring, so in my will, they will get my engagement ring and the other ring dh has given me - for fairness' sake.

I was also going to suggest if there's a way to use the stone I would suggest that

And if you don't want to use the stone as a ring, could you suggest it's made into a necklace as a gift from him on your wedding day or some alternative? Make it clear that you want to honour his mum by it being something you'll actually wear.

OR, if you're planning children raise the suggestion that he should save it for his daughter ...

I agree with a pp that said that a lot of these posh Sloane-y types like those 80s cluster rings like Diana's. Indeed, Princess Eugenie has a ruby version.

I'll be honest - the e-ring threads on here and elsewhere - a lot of the rings are ugly and old fashioned. (imho)

Even my own ring, even though I still like it, is a bit "2010" being a cushion-cut with halo.

My current pet hate is these big, high-set lab-grown diamonds. Borderline vulgar and also impractical.

For anyone who likes slagging off reviewing other people's rings, check out Flik on TikTok: FLIK 🌞 (@flik.shaw) | TikTok

I agree. The Diana/Kate ring is fuuuuuuuuuugly and the marriage was an utter shitshow which should never have happened. The ring should be binned.

I'd say something like "I'd like to wear my engagement ring almost all the time to work etc, and if it's your mum's ring I don't feel I would do that. Can we choose a ring for everyday, then on days which are special to you and your family I'll wear your mum's ring?" Just a suggestion.

Exactly what I was going to say!
Be glad you're not the PoW, here love I've got Mum's old engagement ring, she and Dad had an awful divorce, but hey ho it's an iconic ring.
Of all the beautiful jewellery Diana had and he chose that...

Go for both/and not either/or.

You recognise that his entrusting you with his Mum's ring is a real honour and a mark of trust.

And then is then and now is now. Your relationship with him is different from the one he had with his Mum and needs its own markers.

But of course that early bereavement is part of what makes him the person he is whom you love, so perhaps his Mum's ring could be re-sized or re-set (in time) for a right hand finger so she is remembered but not made central (symbolically speaking). Or as PP said, you could keep in trust for a child if you plan to have them

I thought poor Kate when they got engaged with the huge sapphire ring. Though i actually like it a lot more now (funny how tastes and fashions change). To me, it’s more that the marriage was so unhappy, I wouldn’t have wanted to wear it.

For the OP, of course you’re not unreasonable wanting a nice engagement of your own. Just be honest and say it’s not your taste. If you try and justify refusing on safety grounds, you might get “oh I know you’d be so careful with it”.

There is also the point for him to consider that if you split up later on then you might keep the ring out of spite.

Even Meghan wasn’t happy with the ring Harry gave her and has had it altered to be more her style, I don’t blame her one bit, any woman should be able to choose her own ring and if she doesn’t like what is presented to her she should be able to veto it, be that a ring the man has chosen or a family heirloom.

Tell him. If you can't have this kind of difficult discussion you shouldn't be marrying him!

Tell him you think your first born should inherit it?

If you can't be honest with him about this ring, I would take a good look at your relationship before you marry him.

I would never wear someone else's engagement ring. It would not even be a discussion I would entertain. Of course he loved/loves his mum very much, but you are your own person and this is your marriage, not hers.

I'm not sure what there is to be mortified about. He cares about his mother and thought it be a nice gesture I assume (rather than being tight).

Just tell him you want your own..Bear in mind you might not get to choose your own though.

I would tell him you want your own ring, but still wear hers once in a while either on a chain or the other hand, to make him feel a bit better.

I was in this situation except my mil is alive and divorced. I wore her ring for a bit and then told him I wanted my own. I was a bit worried to bring it up but he totally understood.