Close friend forgets my Birthday

37 replies

Chitterchatter48 · 08/08/2024 13:49

I have a close friend, who for the last 2 years has forgotten my Birthday. We've always got each other a little something on our Birthdays over the years, a token gift and card. My Bday is coming up again in a few days. I spoke to her the other day and she didn't mention anything, which makes me think she's forgotten again. I always go out of my way to do nice things on her Birthday, nothing expensive or fancy, but always thoughtful and things I think she would like.
I'm not expecting a gift or being grabby, but a card or just a text wishing me a nice day would be nice 💁‍♀️
I know I'll be hurt on my Birthday if she's forgotten again. She tends to remember only when seeing people wish me a happy birthday on social media.
It makes me sad, because we are great friends.
I see she remembers other friends Birthdays on social media, having meals out etc.
Am I right to feel a bit sad she forgets mine or am I being silly?

OP posts:

Davros · 08/08/2024 14:27

If you have a bad memory then set reminders on your phone. It's not difficult

TemuSpecialBuy · 08/08/2024 14:24

Some people are shit at birthdays 🤷🏻‍♀️

Birdseyetrifle · 08/08/2024 14:23

I’m shit at birthdays, I just struggle to remember them. It doesn’t mean I don’t love my friends or family though. I am just very shit and with a very rubbish memory.

RampantIvy · 08/08/2024 14:19

Don't remember hers next time.

DH genuinely forgets birthdays and asks to be reminded.

TomatoSandwiches · 08/08/2024 14:18

Match her energy if you're not feeling equally appreciated.
Could she not view the friendship as close as you do?
How long have you been friends?

Davros · 08/08/2024 14:16

Don't do anything for hers and just say "oh I thought we'd stopped doing anything for birthdays" if she says anything. She probably won't though

HardyRoseSquid · 08/08/2024 14:10

I think you either need to remind her in the run up, or stop making a fuss on her birthdays and just accept they’re not a feature of your friendship.

I have to confess I am hopeless at remembering birthdays so I have sympathy with your friend. I also don’t ever expect friends to remember or mark my birthday! If your friend expects presents and a fuss but doesn’t reciprocate, she’s unreasonable. But if she isn’t fussed either way, you can just let things slide on your part too.

Irridescantshimmmer · 08/08/2024 14:07

When it's her next birthday, you can ' forget' no card, no gift and if she complains tell her she did not remember your last 2 or 3.

There maybe other issues that your friend could be dealing with right now and remember, the cost of living is much higher now.

MatildaTheCat · 08/08/2024 13:56

One of my closest friends forgot my birthday for the last two years. I wasn’t especially upset but it was awkward when she remembered later. This year I will mention it in advance- something along the lines of, ‘DH and I are doing x for my birthday’.

Canalboat · 08/08/2024 13:56

I hate hurting peoples feelings but I’m also not great at remembering stuff. Undiagnosed adhd probably. But brains work differently and it doesn’t necessarily mean anything about her feelings for you.

Canalboat · 08/08/2024 13:54

Just remind her. I say to people ‘it’s my birthday next week’. My own memory isn’t great so I don’t hold it against people and I don’t sit and wait for them to forget.

coodawoodashooda · 08/08/2024 13:51

It's just part of adult life. I had a friend whose birthday was about 2 weeks before mine. I'd always get her something. She never even acknowledged mine. I stopped bothering.

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