Close friend forgets my Birthday

That's awful 🙁

“I see she remembers other friends Birthdays on social media, having meals out etc.”

Have you invited her out for a meal to celebrate your birthday?

I had a milestone birthday this year 2 weeks after my best friend. I spent approx £60 on her, thoughtful presents and personalised card nice wrapping bags etc. Quite obvious what I bought wasn't just a token gift and had been bought specially.

I didn't even get a card. I did get a FB post though!

It's totally changed how I feel about her tbh.

I don't expect anyone other than my family to remember my birthday. And I've accumulated so many friends, colleagues and acquaintances over my five decades of adulthood, I'd be doing nothing but sending birthday cards if I marked them all. And no, I don't even remember my oldest friends' birthdays and they don't mark mine.

I love celebrating family birthdays and I love when they celebrate mine. But that's enough for me, and apparently for my friends too.

Just remind her. Say it’s my birthday on x and I’m planning on doing x. Little prompt.

it’s got nothing to do with your relationship- she’s likely terrible at life admin.

Different people and brains and personality types!!

my husband always knows my birthday, but will plan Jack shit. I have to check his drivers liscence EVERY YEAR for the day, because I have the wrong one stuck in my head. But always plan something.

i wouldn’t be offended. If that’s more her personality type.

Honestly, I try and remember but life sometimes gets in the way, and I suspect most people are this way. I was in a whirlwind of chaos last week and overlooked my best friend's birthday. I realised once the weekend came and my brain had a moment to breathe and messaged her.

My Bday is coming up again in a few days. I spoke to her the other day and she didn't mention anything,

Did you ?

I mean, it seems like you are already suspecting she won't remember, which means you know you will feel sad, but rather than dropping it into the conversation so that it will help her remember, you'd rather play games and hope to 'test her'. Which seems an odd relationship to have with a friend.

I do not care about birthdays at all. My mil really does so I make an effort for her. But I would rather nobody knew my bday to be honest. Not afraid of getting older I just don't think it's a special day. Like New years, could not care less. Obviously all children's birthdays are important because one year older means alot when you are young atleast until you are in your twenties.

That's really passive aggressive

I removed my birthday from socials as ppl should be able to acknowledge it without a reminder, even some of my close friends don’t remember. Birthday don’t always seem that exciting once you have grown up presents opened in 5 minutes and then off to work for the day 😂

Petty or what!

I don’t think you should assume that people are as invested in birthdays as you are op! Personally I love them because my family always made a big deal of them. But my best friend’s family didn’t and therefore she never bothers. I would never hold it against her.

Another scenario: I don’t know your age op but me and my friends are late fifties, turning sixty, and we can’t really be bothered with things like this anymore as we have had a lifetime of facilitating birthdays for others. We don’t host at our homes any more either except for family’s. It’s bliss. We go out and meet each other in cafes and restaurants and keep our interactions as hassle free as possible and just enjoy each others company without having to remember special dates or buy cards or presents or whatever.

I think you need to assess how important this really is in perspective to your overall friendship. Is your friend remembering other people's birthday , or being invited out (therefore being reminded?)

I'm not on Facebook or Instagram so very few people remember my birthday. Only those in my very close vacinity. That's OK, I don't need things or gestures. It doesn't change my day at all.

If she's a great friend, just stop making the effort for their birthday if you prefer it to be reciprocal, and get on with having an excellent friend. For me, in the grand scheme of things, it's not that important. Everyone is different though.

Unless the reminder goes off just as I’m standing near the card rack in Tescos it’s not always that helpful.

The best friends I have in life, I dont have a clue when their birthdays are. I could possibly gauge a month if I really thought hard. Once a year on a random date we do something nicer than normal, a fancy restaurant or a concert and that's our group birthday treat.

I have another friend and I know his birthday as we've been friends since we were born and his birthday is the day after mine. We've been playing the ohhh I forgot your card/present text for about 15 years now. (We used to be roommates and gift each other a bottle of alcohol....before that our mums probably sorted the presents)

It's not nice that she forgot if it's something you do usually celebrate, but I would guarantee she hasn't done it out of malice. It's the summer holidays, life gets crazy

She still loves you the same even if she forgot to write it on a card

Give her a diary and put your birthday in it.

If it's written down you can't forget.

If she was a good friend she'd learn when it was.

Meh I hate the catching people out. What’s wrong with saying, ‘it’s my birthday in a couple of days’?
I’m a thoughtful forgetful. Some years I remember, some I don’t. It doesn’t actually mean anything except remembering dates isn’t something I’m great at or is low priority.
With most of my friends, if you arrange a meet up then people will give token gifts, but not if you don’t.

I thought the same

I had a good friend who would forget my birthday. We spent lots of time together so I was a little upset as it happened a few times. Wouldn't have minded so much but she'd have soon said something if I'd forgotten hers.

Invite her out to celebrate! Invite some others too. She remembers others because she's going out for a meal which she was invited to!

For the past few years I've been terrible at remembering birthdays but the current chaos of all the life admin/appointments etc etc that comes along with the season of life were in means that sometimes I forget things like birthdays. Even if it's on the calendar I might still forget after seeing it coming up on there. Perhaps your friend is also in a particularly busy/stressful season at the moment? I can't really empathise fully as I personally couldn't care less about my own birthday so perhaps that affects the way I deal with other adults on theirs but if it is important to you then I could see how it might be a bit hurtful. Perhaps you could lead the conversation by bringing up the fact it's your birthdays soon and you'd like to do something nice with her, see where that leads.

She probably is hoping for this but feels awkward saying it and does actually want the idea of getting gifts to die out.

The only friends whose birthdays I remember, and who I loosely expect to remember mine, have the same birthday as me. Two of them. Only of whom I do cards and gifts with, and the gifts are totally token.

It is not a signifier of how good a friendship is to me or my friends. It's just not talked about other than the weirdness of having birthdays on the sane day.

You mean they are thoughtless and can’t be bothered! Write it on a calendar, put it on your phone, ask Alexa to remind you. No excuse!