MIL gifting money to DC

The two oldest in the OP's case are adults, may want to buy their own property and you have no idea what is in her will, or shouldn't have, OP.

An 18 year old saving for a deposit for a house? Really? How terribly sensible. Perhaps Granny will give her £25,000 when she finds somewhere she wants to buy too.
Mine put a tiny inheritance on travelling in their gap years and working round the world.

Well I think the MIL has been very sensible and generous. She has given money to the two who are presumably old enough to make sensible use of the money now, rather than them waiting for, hopefully, many years until she dies.

She has indicated that the other three will get their share in due course.

This sounds perfectly acceptable to me. Why should a 9 year old be treated the same as a 28 year old? Even an 18 year old is probably not at the life stage where they could make sensible decisions with that sum of money.

I think she has handled this very well.

Vettrianofan · Today 14:14
AnonymousBleep · Today 14:07
I'd be worried if this was my kids, too. I am very strict about things being fair. I'd be looking to make up the difference myself - but when you're talking £75K, that might well be impossible!
Not really. What OP could do is split what monies have been gifted. £10k each amongst five DC. Equal amount.

No, she really cannot!
The money has been gifted by an adult to 2 adults. She has no right to disperse this money.

But it's not the OP's money to split. The recipients already have it in their bank accounts and may not be amenable to handing any of it over.

She can't really though as that would a) look disrespectful to the MIL and b) piss off the two who've already had it, as tbf, why should they share with siblings?

Not really. What OP could do is split what monies have been gifted. £10k each amongst five DC. Equal amount.

They will use anything above 23k.

Maybe not in your family.

DH felt that strongly about it. I was split about it, tbh. I know the GP kindness was really towards the eldest of the four as he is 17 and taking driving lessons. But DH was angry that the other three were given nothing.

How could you 'not allow it to happen'? There is no legal mechanism to prevent A from giving money to B or B from accepting the money when all parties are adults.

This kind of gifting causes issues in many families, it is a PITA but there is nothing you can do.

If you are saving, I would keep your options open so you can prioritise any kids who haven't been helped by MIL.

She’s possibly just thinking that they’re ‘ready’ for the money whereas the others aren’t’of age’ but yes unfair especially to the eldest of the young ones. Saying that I don’t think any of us will think fairly in about inheritance in real life- you’ll think some need it more etc etc. easy for us all to talk about it!!

I'd be worried if this was my kids, too. I am very strict about things being fair. I'd be looking to make up the difference myself - but when you're talking £75K, that might well be impossible!

Are they all her bio grandchildren?

I think you might have to trust her that she's securely put money aside for the other 3.
She's probably thinking the older two would benefit more from the money now than in a few years

Your MIL has decided to give her adult grandchildren a gift of money. It's between them and her, not you. And she is under no obligation to be 'fair'.

So when a step grandparent does not give their step grandchild the exact same gifts they are seen as the devil incarnate and posters say they should be cut off completely but a bio grandparent can give 25k to 2 of 5 grandkids and that's fine?

For all those saying well it's in the will are being very naive. Care costs, other bills, re-marriage etc can all affect what is left over. There is absolutely no guarantee the younger 3 will ever receive anything. And if they do, they may not get it for 20 plus years - inflation impact etc.

A fair thing to do would be to give everyone the same amount when they reach a certain age e.g. everyone gets 25k at 28 and if the grandma can't afford that then she gives a reduced amount instead.

@Vettrianofan Sorry but this is absolutely bat shit crazy!!! Money for one driving lesson and the amount had to be split amongst their siblings!? Christ!!!!

Canny move. She has removed 50k from her estate, which cannot be touched if she needs care, nor can it be taxed. She will probably do something similar for the other 3. She has been tremendously generous. Make sure DD does not let boyfriend touch her money.

@Vettrianofan Sorry but this is absolutely bat shit crazy!!! Money for one driving lesson and the amount had to be split amongst their siblings!? Christ!!!!

10k each is equally unfair in other ways though. The 28 old would have £10k to put towards a deposit now, whereas the youngest sibling would have 2 decades of compound interest on their money by the time they were the same age!

I wouldn't have allowed that to happen.

Give equally or not at all.

OP @CiderWithRosy - She's giving the money to older two who are adults and are more likely to need money now / in the near future.

The 18 year old might be saving but chances are she will be at home a few more years yet.

The 9 and 16 year olds are still children so have no need for thousands of pounds currently.

FWIW my Gran did this. She actually gave me my inheritance when I was buying my Ex out of our house. She asked me would I prefer to wait until she'd died or have it to help me out and I needed it at the time. Not a chance would she have given it to me when I was in my teens though!

I think you are not being unreasonable, OP. It's just not fair. All this wishy washy they'll get something in the future isn't good enough on the unchosen 3. I don't think you're being 'grabby' at all to want the same treatment for all your children. It will also quite possibly divide them and cause rifts in the future between them. Nothing like money to cause bad feeling between siblings.

Well the 18 year old has 6 more years to be the same age as the youngest adult child who received the money.
Personally I wouldn’t give an 18 year old £25k either and would wait until they were hopefully a more sensible age.