MIL gifting money to DC

She’s probably doing it to avoid inheritance tax which is a good idea now Labour is in power and your two eldest probably need it now.
Can you try and save a bit so you can help your youngest on the housing ladder when their time comes?

How would you have stopped it?

Youngest children can also get a better upbringing though because parents in general have more money and less outgoings when they are older than when they are younger.

It’s a shitty thing to be unfair to grandchildren would
be my starting point.

and it sounds like the plan for it to turn out to be fair is very much unconfirmed.

but mumsnet typically doesn’t apply any notion of treating children fairly and equally when it comes to inheritance. It’s weird. I don’t get it.

maybe she thinks giving an 18 year old the money to get a mortgage and saddle themselves with a 25+ year loan isn't a good idea.

Exactly this - all £10k or nothing for anyone

As a younger child married to a younger child we are trying very hard not to disadvantage our youngest...

uncle gives presents - eldest reaches 16 "oh you are all too old for presents", meanwhile the youngest child is only 11 and misses out on 5 years of gifts

And so many more similar examples...

clearly she's given the older 2 as they both past ui age and are at the age to buy houses set up a life etc.

why would she give an 18y/o the money now when they're just finishing college.
she has made clear she intends to be fair and the other will get money in her will.

I think its a bit mean on your part to want her to give all her money now when maybe the rest of the assets will be sold when she's passed let alone the rest are small kids or teenagers.

I could never begrudge my kids getting help from their nan at a time when it helps them get a step on the ladder and she can see the benefits.

Thanks for seeing my POV. Was beginning to think I was losing my marbles🤣

Aye, if she's still living. And that's the significance of what matters here.

Who knows how much the others will get?

YABU. People are allowed to make “wrong” decisions. It’s her money and not your responsibility to police fairness. If that’s what she wants to do let her. Similarly in hospital, if a patient has capacity, and wants to refuse life saving treatment- you can’t force them.

Not necessarily
There is no time limit as to how far back they can delve into your finances when it comes to paying for care
https://www.independentage.org/get-advice/health-and-care/paying-for-care/giving-away-assets-to-pay-for-care#:~:text=Deprivation%20of%20assets%20means%20you,that%20is%20out%20of%20character

That's not their problem.
She wanted to help them and has said there is provision for the others.
The eldest needs a home now.
They can't go without ove rather concern for a child.

People are weird on MN.
Of course it is funny to gift 1 kid and not the other
And no I wouldn't expect gran to give it to the 9 year old, but to keep it until all kids reach 25 for example. And give it when they turn that age.
I would feel very weird if my gran gave me money but not my siblings

Surely they can see its unfair that their three siblings got diddly squat?!

You’ve proved me wrong. You’re actually a really nice person.

😂😂😂

It's her money to decide what to do with and if she decides to give the older two money first, that's up to her.

You've got 5 children, maybe she needs to sort out her finances before she moves onto giving the younger three anything!

I only have one child, so my mum only needs to "worry" about giving one child money.

Also you "give" money and you "gift" land.

£10k each isn't going to get any of them on the housing ladder. I think she has been quite sensible. You have 5 children, MIL would have to be loaded to be able to give them all £25k while she's alive, so it makes sense to give the adults, who are in the position to buy, an amount that will help with that. In a few years when your 18yo is their age, MIL might be able to give her money then if she's still living.

I think that mil should have given all 10k and eldest could have put in Lisa making it 12.5k. Would only need 20k to get 25k etc

Well you need to help the younger 3 out more when it's their time to buy a house and leave the eldest 2 less in your own will and then it'll be even.

i think it’s odd and could easily upset the younger 3, with good reason. Who knows what will happen with the will, it’s poor form to do this without some more concrete assurance that you’d as the grandma treat the others the same two. Not just the first two are the best, sucks to be the rest of you.

No she can't
It wasn't given to OP
it's not hers to share

And what power do you belive you have over 3 adults and a matter that's nothing to do with you?

My mother in law gifted 4 out of 5 of her grand child a share of a piece of property in her will. She left 1 grandchild (my DD) out. My DD was her youngest grandchild, she left her and her 2 great grandchildren a sum of €5K which is incredibly generous. It is about 40K less than the other grandchildren received.

I thought it was a rotten thing to do. It has changed how i feel about her. My DD was with her everyday, she was a huge part of her life and she treated differently. She was the only granddaughter - perhaps thats why, she was only 12 when she passed, so maybe she wanted to look after the eldest, but then My DS was 15 and got his share. Anyway there is zero i can do about it. So i kept what my son got from her. My DH and other family members have agreed to keep this to themselves.

I understand why it makes you feel uncomfortable. Does she treat the children differently now? If im honest my DILs valued the boys grandchildren more im afraid.

I have been very upfront with my kids with what each will get when the time comes - fair, and down the middle.

My kids are in a privileged position - im fully aware.

Wow! How on Earth do you justify OP telling her adult children what to do with their money?

This was an arrangement between MIL and two other adults.