MIL gifting money to DC

That's incredibly generous of her. As the eldest two are over 21, I think this seems fair. She could of course have left everything to all the children in her will, but I expect she wanted to be able to see her adult grandchildren benefit from it while she's still around.

Of course you don't know exactly what's in her will and yes, I would be slightly (privately - don't talk about it to your children!) concerned that there's a possibility they won't all get the same... but you can address that issue if and when it happens. There's no need to let it worry you now.

The link ( www.independentage.org/get-advice/health-and-care/paying-for-care/giving-away-assets-to-pay-for-care#:~:text=Deprivation%20of%20assets%20means%20you,that%20is%20out%20of%20character ) does not relate to tax, it relates to "deprivation of assets".

"If the council decide you’ve deliberately deprived yourself of an asset to avoid paying care costs, they could treat you as if you still had it. They may include its full value in your financial assessment and charge you accordingly. This is called notional capital or notional income.

If you no longer have the asset, you could find that you’re expected to pay more towards your care than you can afford.

If you transferred the asset to someone else to avoid the charge, that person may be responsible for paying the council. They may have to pay the difference between what the council would have charged if you still had the asset and what they did charge..."

Your DM gave one of your children about £30 for one driving lesson, and you made them give your children £7.50 each to even it up?
That seems very extreme to me.

Op has not answered wether they are all bio grandchildren.

Why does there need to be a rift? When my mum died she left my brother and I 20% each of proceeds of her house. My youngest brother got 60% of house and everything else. No rift

No one is saying that she should just hand over the younger ones' inheritance to them, perhaps set them up a trust fund each? There's many ways to be fair within the family when giving money.

Exactly. Grandparents dead and gone means they don't have to sort out the rift - instead it's left to the parents 🤪

There is quite a big age gap between your children so I can sort of understand her timing with the older 2.
It is of course her money to do with as she likes, but I would have thought a more fair approach would be to make a gift to each of them at a set age, although her circumstances may still change in the meantime.
I can understand your disappointment on behalf of the younger children, but I don’t think you can question her decision, or be critical.

Um is there potentially any issue of inheritance tax for the £25k gifts... (if her overall estate is over £325K and she passes away within 7 years) not something anyone wants to think about but I am fairly sure you cant give more than £3k per year as a gift without possible tax if the factors above are realised?

This.
And the grandmother of course not there to witness the fallout.

I agree.

@ShagratandGorbag4ever fairness of children within the family is a very different thing

Kerrylass - you stole your son's money.
You had absolutely no right to take money that he had been gifted just because you deemed it unfair

Certainly that was true for one of my parents.

Their parents had finished off paying the mortgage and were on higher salaries as they gained promotion and more money and also had inheritances to count.

The youngest had better holidays, Christmas gifts, more space and less sharing because the oldest had left home or gone off to university already.

You say "in what world" as if it can't happen. Like most things it isn't a given, but it can definitely happen, especially if you have two older siblings close together and a younger one a few years down the line.

My parent didn't begrudge it though, more accepted it as a natural consequence.

Carry on being shocked. Once you are personally affected by a similar situation like this see how you feel? It's fundamentally wrong to treat everyone differently.

I agree no one is entitled to anything though. Saves loads of arguments 🙈

@Gogogo12345 no she means they haven't told the dd what the ds was left.

Life's unfair. Most of us will get advantages that other people don't get at some point and most of us will miss out on advantages that other people have. Are you going to share any financial windfalls that come your way with the large number of people who don't inherit anything from their parents?

Well, it’s done now OP so there’s not much that can be said. I agree with PP’s that giving each child £10K would’ve been fairer, but there you are.

If she doesn’t end up giving the younger three equal gifts, perhaps you and your DH can adjust your wills to reflect this, or help them out financially with the understanding that it’s to make up for these gifts.

My stepson's maternal GM left a chunk of money to be put in trust for her grandchildren.

At the time of her death, DSS was her only GC, and the trust was set up for his benefit (I have no idea if this was how it was specified, or if the executor, her husband, didn't think it through very well.) By the time DSS was 21, the trust fund was enough for him to put down a 60% deposit on a 3-bed house in Brighton, and the 3 GCs born after her death got fuck all.

It has caused no end of resentment. House prices have shot up, the younger GCs have had less favourable student loan arrangements than DSS, their parents are nowhere near as well off as DSS's mother, and the whole arrangement has caused a huge amount of bad feeling between the GCs and between their parents. DSS is sitting pretty financially, while his cousins are struggling and stuck in expensive rentals.

I think it's really unfortunate, and hope that the OPs younger children won't lose out in the way that DSS's cousins have, simply because they were born later.

But there are limits for tax and if the money isn't there it cannot be taken. She'd be advised to set up a trust, I think, if there are substantial assets.

i just don't see how anyone is framing it as the other kids will be getting nothing. she had said they will get in her will. Im assuming she's probably thinking she will be gone in the next decade which is when the 18 y/o will be the same age as the oldest. that's fair!

As someone who got NOTHING from 4 grandparents and 2 parents, I am always shocked by the sense of entitlement on these posts!

Really? in what world?

When I only had one there was only one set of expenses / nursery etc, then with two there are more outgoings - more nurseries, clothes, holiday clubs, activities... money needs to stretch for 4 rather than 3...

Not to mention pay freezes, recession and cost of living...

It seems a bit of an unusual decision, especially given that two of the younger three are late teens and will soon be dealing with adulthood and all the associated costs / driving lessons etc and will be comparing their lives to their only slightly older siblings. I could understand it more if the younger three were very very much younger. I think the better thing to do would have been for her to discuss it with you and their father first and see what you thought / if you had any better ideas for allocating the money in a way that would benefit all of them.

I don't have a problem per se with children being gifted different amounts (e.g. I know my own granny gave my sister and my cousin a monthly allowance when they went to uni - they were the oldest children in each family) but when I went three years later there was no such allowance. Was up to her though what to do with her own money, I get that.

So you have stolen from your son the money his grandmother left to him?