MIL gifting money to DC

Er, they can take nearly the lot. Certainly won't leave enough to gift three children the same as the older two, depending on the length of time the old person needs care. And nursing care can only get more expensive as time goes on. I know it is horrible to talk like this, but it's reality.

Exactly As patents you'd make that fair.

But the eldest are always going to get more money by virtue they've been alive longer. They've had more birthday money, more christmas money, needed more money for life events - passing exams. driving lessons etc - that the younger children haven't reached yet. Its just how it is. Therefore as parents we need to make up the shortfall instead.

This.

Wow. This thread (or at least the OP) is possibly the high point of MN’s hatred of MILs. She should have spent the £50k on a cruise.

They can use all except £23000

I’m one of the oldest DC in your scenario: my late DGM (when still alive) gifted me money when I turned 18. My sister, 2y younger received a cash gift when she turned 18 but smaller, other younger GC received nothing as by the time they turned 18 her financial circumstances had changed.
Difficult one as when I write this of course it seems unfair… but if she didn’t give me money when she did, none of the GC would have received money at the end, and it is not the amount she gave me/my sister that would her changed her financial position at the end. So the choice is not x amount to some vs smaller amount to all, it is x amount to some vs nothing for everybody. In other words: would you want to deprive your eldest of something, for no benefit to your younger ones, just to make it fair? I wouldn’t.

So DH thinks DM might not be alive in 6 or 7 years time to give all the others driving lesson money. That's really what the issue is here.

They each got £10 put into savings accounts. Whenever they need it for something. DS has enough money there for as many lessons as he needs going forward.

DM intended £40 as driving lesson money for one lesson but gave nothing to the others. DH feels really strongly more than I did at the time about how unfair it is. Like the others aren't valued.

I knew she meant it kindly as DS us learning to drive, and that is all. DH totally feels the others have been treated unfairly.

When did the others receive their money?

Maybe she has a better relationship with the two eldest?

It's none of your business as to what percentage of any inheritance or monetary gifts that she gifts each child.

lol I read it at first like that but I think she means she has kept the amount secret that the other child got

Wait.
So eldest, ready to drive child was given 1 driving lesson

And you made them share with younger not able to drive children?

Wouldn't they have just had to wait until 17?

I think you are being unreasonable, particularly given the age gap.

Your children are in completely different life stages and you cannot possibly think a 28-year-old should be treated the same way as a 9-year-old.

I would expect the 28-year-old to spend money taking out the 9-year-old and treating them, more like a close aunt/uncle than a sibling. You cannot declare all your kids equal, because they're not.

Aim for equity here, rather than equality.

Then perhaps you can encourage your daughter who’s been given £25k but is living with bf and has no intention of buying to help her sibling?

this is how we did it. Father in law gave my partner money to help him when we were buying. 10 years later when sister in law was ready to buy we were in a much better financial position than FIL and so we helped her buy her first house.

maybe then your eldest will be in a better position in 20 years to help your youngest buy if the inheritance comes to nothing.

it’s not your responsibility to make it ‘fair’ because you just can’t. Posters saying nothing for everyone is better than 2 getting money is just wrong in my opinion.

At 18 your dc have plenty of time to save for a deposit. You sound so grabby. She has been very generous, and for all you know she is making provision for your other children, yet you’re biting the hand that is feeding…

No they're not all old enough to drive.

No birthday money is theirs to keep, as is Christmas money. No one would take that away from them!

You shared 1 driving lesson between 4 kids?

jeez, do you make them share birthday gifts too?

are they all old enough to drive?

It could have been £100s we are talking about, but it's just the principle of treating everyone equally that matters here.

Like saying sibling A is more deserving than siblings B and C.

can I ask are they all her blood grandchildren ?

That's why all should be treated equally all at the same time. Harsh lesson to learn.

Its her money to do what she wants with and I am assuming she's giving it to the kids who need it most at this particular time, thinking that she will leave equal amounts to the younger kids on her death.

This however can backfire as in our case MIL's care home costs £2,000 a week and has burnt through most of her savings. Inheritance is not guaranteed.

It was £40 (DS has savings to pay for his lessons anyway, so no shortage for this money). So DH said its fair it gets split four ways - DS actually agreed and has had something similar happen before with a younger sibling where he missed out. He agreed it wasn't fair and didn't want that for his siblings. He cares about others.

I have asked DM not to do that but she keeps saying one got a pass at their test there's £10, another did well at X here's £10 etc. Not fair on the others.

Independent Age Fact Sheet: Can I protect my assets if I need care?:

https://www.independentage.org/sites/default/files/factsheets/2023-04/Factsheet-Can-I-protect-my-assets-if-I-need-care.pdf?_gl=1d3es4b_upMQ.._gaMTYwOTE1NjEzMi4xNzIzMTI1ODU3_ga_TGBBW3PC3T*MTcyMzEyNTg1Ny4xLjAuMTcyMzEyNTg1Ny4wLjAuMA..

This is the fairest way.