Clip-on tie at secondary school

You can get quite decent slip on school shoes.
One of my wears these as he prefers the style.
My other DS wears laced shoes but I can't remember the last time he opened them - he usually just rams his foot in!
Trainers can have zips and you can get easy lace. There are slip on trainers as well. I'd be avoiding velcro to be honest as it feels like velcro is something you want to leave behind in primary school but there are plenty of options out there if you take a look.

DS has the option of clip on or standard ties. Clip-on was a no-brainer. I doubt many bother with the standard tie from the lack of kipper ties or skinny ties.

He's dyspraxic, so being spared the bother of tying himself up daily and extra for PE is a mercy.
He still wears velcro shoes and no one cares. (I would challenge a school that was nit-picky and expected a ridiculously small range of badly sized and inaccessible footwear- he has an extreme foot shape)

He's also ND in other ways and while I wouldn't claim he's having the best days of his life, he's getting on, thriving academically and has found people he finds pleasant. He also has a 9 form intake, but the school community is cosy and supportive. Bigger schools tend to have better support systems and most importantly for DS, they take his additional needs seriously and pro-actively and aren't the type to ignore warning signs.

I don’t believe it was suicide, the child I’m speaking about. However it was before my time as a parent at the school and may well be exaggerated over the years.

It is also as others have mentioned to make sure the ties are all the same length etc.

My younger son is going to the grammar in the same town and they have “proper” ties.

Only clip on ties at my kids’ school too. Nothing to do with their intelligence - I suspect more so to do with safety.

DDs primary and secondary schools both had clip on ones.

DS has a regular one, which for the bargain price of £10 I had converted to a clip on!

Take a deep breath and breathe into a paper bag, it's a tie it's OK really

HTH🙂

Basically I need to hold my nerve and stand by my decision (which I made at least a year ago) and not let shit like the tie throw me off again…

Absolutely this. You made a sound decision, based on the information you had (about the school, your child, etc) - and that means it’s the right decision.

It sounds from your update (“it’s all on me”) like you’re feeling the weight of the responsibility and the tie symbolises that. It’s bloody hard work being a parent isn’t it?

For what it’s worth, I made a similar decision a few years ago (autistic child with ADHD, big school, ‘find their tribe’, etc, etc) and he has thrived, clip on tie and all.

You’ve got this.

Having said all that, I don't actually understand the point of ties anyway. Out of school, they out of school, they only tend to come out for weddings and funerals. Very few people seem to wear them for work anymore, and even then, they serve no practical purpose.

My DD goes to a school with a 295 entry (the big two have left). Nearly all the schools have large intakes as they are historically an amalgamation of two smaller schools. It honestly doesn't feel 'big'. I have always felt that my children are 'known'. They are all middle of the road kids, so not particularly standing out. Even ds who has autism has been well supported.

Sounds like it might be my kids school (town beginning with M?) Ours is because a child was strangled (think he died sadly) many years ago and to avoid a similar incident.

@funinthesun19
Unfortunately, yes, they will be seen as very babyish shoes if they have Velcro! You can get elastic laces that you can replace normal laces with and mean they can slip the shoes on and not worrying about tying them up.
Maybe worth trying out?
Ones like these ones - Elastic Laces

You're right, of course. When you think about it, ties are utterly pointless garments which should long ago have gone the way of the codpiece, cummerbund and cravat, and I don't know why schools bother with them at all.

Jesus wept

Completely normal. My DC both go to sought after, high performing etc MN "approved" state high schools; both have clip on ties. All the state schools/academies in our borough do - the ties were all on display in the uniform shop.

Other organisations in our with clip on ties - the police, the uniformed people at my work, 2 x local private schools. Definitely at least one airline, I forget which. Oh, and my brothers' school in the 1980s'

Strangulation risk is not just about being attacked by people who want to attack you, but also accidentally getting caught on something. DH once got slightly strangled in a crowd where his (knotted) tie got caught up.

Clip on ties are really not a problem. Your attitude to comprehensive education is though @OP. Maybe it will make your dc more tolerant of a wider socioeconomic society than you.

OP I haven’t read all the responses, but just wanted to say that clip on ties are the least of your problems . a much bigger problem is the attitude you have towards this school as “second best”, you see it as a school where children who have failed are sent, the clip on ties are “baby “ ties because the pupils can’t cope with tying normal ties, other school children will pick on her and her peers because they are seen as members of an inferior school……….I don’t know what other negatives remarks you are dropping in front of your child and friends and family, but you really need to stop.

you need to start with the mindset that:

This is the school where your child is going to be nurtured, educated and encouraged to thrive.

This is the school where she will develop skills and positive attitudes that will help shape her life .

This is the school where your child will make friends, learn to negotiate relationships, will learn to work independently and as part of a team.

This is the school that will see her grow from a child to an adult.

Whatever your disappointment that shedidn’t make the grammar school cut off is you need to put it behind you, if you see the school as only offering second best to second best children then that is the message your child will pick up.

Clip ons are pretty common. My older children's school seems to be quite unusual in having a proper tie. Was fun teaching them how to do a half Windsor to guard against peanuts!

I have a similar question. Someone once told me children wearing shoes with velcro on them will be a target for bullies. Are velcro shoes really that bad?

My DS2 is starting secondary school this September, and he still struggles with his shoe laces. He has asd/learning difficulties and this is one thing he struggles with. He knows how to do them, and has done them, but sometimes it takes a long time for him to do it. If his shoe laces come undone at school it might be a problem for him. I also worry about him in PE too if he’s struggling to tie the laces on his trainers and then his school shoes when he’s getting back in to his uniform.

You don't know that that is the reason. It may simply be because the school thinks it's smarter.

If you don't want to send your child into that environment, you can opt for home schooling.

I worked in a school with clip-on ties. It was really about making sure the knots didn’t become ridiculously large and the ties only an inch in length, not about strangulation! Tbh the biggest pain with them is how easily they come off. A lot of kids would lose them on buses etc. My tip is buy a few, you’ll probably need spares.