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AIBU?

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Original poster

To walk away.

34 replies

autism07 · 08/08/2024 08:37

Married 14 year. No kids together. My DH has a 38 year old daughter who has 4 children.
She has always been jealous and never included me in anything. DH has done holidays with them and birthday parties etc.
I am not the OW. DH had been separated from her mum 20 year before i met him.
Getting older and starting to realise this can't go on. Feel bad for DH as children don't have sleepovers, come for tea etc but would if I wasn't here. She has never accepted any woman in DH's life.
AIBU to consider leaving DH so he can have a better relationship with his blood family.
It's really starting to make me feel unhappy.

OP posts:
Original poster
autism07 · 08/08/2024 21:56

When I say holidays, to be fair it's a week a year then maybe a couple of weekends. We always do a holiday alone.

Although married this is my house that I had years before we met. There is no way she would visit here as she sees it as mine and not both of ours. I don't know why, as i say I don't understand the girl. DH did make it clear to her many years ago that if she couldn't be civil to me she couldn't visit our home.

OP posts:
Homesweethome23 · 08/08/2024 17:30

how much time he spends between you both? Going on holidays with them suggests to me he spends rather a lot of time with them. Which isn’t fair on you.

His daughter is not a child and should have accepted you long ago. Not surprising other relationships have ended for him.

I can only see this getting worse in the future, what happens as your partner gets older and may not be as mobile as he is now, will you have to leave the house for her to visit?

Dont know how you have managed 14 years of being treated like this, I would have left long ago.

SaintHonoria · 08/08/2024 17:12

Is end it because he hasn't put his foot down and said that his daughter had to accept you as you are a couple and stick to his guns.

Allowing the daughter to do this shows he has little respect for you.

Nannyogg134 · 08/08/2024 17:05

I wouldn't be looking to leave to make his relationship with DD better. He's a big boy and he clearly doesn't want to rock any boats. I think 'not choosing' is a bit of a sad get-out statement, it precludes him from ever having to work towards a better whole family relationship, and from demanding a bit of respect for you from DD. If you're leaving then leave for you, if you're staying then stay for you.

Original poster
autism07 · 08/08/2024 17:00

She is not someone you can talk to. She has made it clear she won't accept me and I am fine with that. After all these years I don't want a relationship with her. All his other relationships have ended for the same reason. My idea was just to keep everything separate.
He knows exactly how I feel and says he won't be made to choose.
I think it's got to the point where I need to make the decision as I am starting to feel bad that he doesn't have the relationship with them that I know he craves.

OP posts:
GreenIvyy · 08/08/2024 10:12

This is all on your DH for not sorting this out. Youve been treated appallingly here from both DH and child.

Foraging4sweet · 08/08/2024 10:11

Aww I think you might be looking at the nuclear option.
Have you discussed this with him? Have you ever tried to speak to her?

Prismsandprunes · 08/08/2024 10:10

We moved countries. Not because of a very similar situation but for other reasons. It had the benefit of making it easier for him to have a relationship with her that doesn't involve me ever.

DaisyDewks · 08/08/2024 10:07

No I wouldn't leave my DH because of his DD. However I would sit and talk to my DH about what I was feeling and how unhappy we both were because of this, and figure what the way forward was. It might be that the way forward is a mutual split if he can't stand up to his DD.

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