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AIBU?

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Original poster

To still be annoyed with DH

59 replies

margas · 07/08/2024 19:49

Hi all

DH has a history of not telling me things. (To him unimportant/ little stuff but to me very important)

He tends to exclude me out of decision making when it comes to his mates / his family / his work etc

Just found out that we had been invited to one of his friend's birthday and he said we couldn't attend. (Made the decision without me)

It's not the first time ... he accepts or declined invites without telling me first. I would most likely agree with his decisions but I'd like to be involved in the process of making the decisions if that makes sense ..

Same with all of his family .. gifts are being bought & cards without telling me or asking if I think it's a good idea etc.

We have been married for 10 years this September and it has always been like this... I have addressed it many times before that it makes me feel unimportant but we keep finding ourselves having the same arguments..

Am I overreacting? Or should I be involved ..

OP posts:
Leafcutterantsarecool · 07/08/2024 19:58

If it’s his friend and assuming you wouldn’t go without him I think it’s up to him if he wants to decline a party invitation (though I think he should check with you before accepting an invitation on your behalf).

And unless he’s spending large sums of joint money, I think he gets to choose the presents for his family. You seriously think you need to get involved in picking a birthday card for his family?

You sound controlling. His friends, work etc are just that. His.

Original poster
margas · 07/08/2024 19:57

Judging by the comments .. I definitely didn't express well what the issue is.

OP posts:
HoppityBun · 07/08/2024 19:57

”he accepts or declined invites without telling me first” people are assuming that these are from his friends and family only. If they’re from mutual friends or include ones from your friends and family, then that’s wrong

Catza · 07/08/2024 19:56

You want him to ask you if it is a “good idea” to buy a card for his family member? It has nothing whatsoever to do with you.

Original poster
margas · 07/08/2024 19:56

I get he's the invited one & like I said .. I would most likely agree with his decisions of going or not going .. but I wished he came home and said "hey we were invited to x party .. I don't want to go so I'll turn it down"

It's just that he doesn't tell me ... it's about the communication aspect.

OP posts:
FatmanandKnobbin · 07/08/2024 19:55

They are his friends and family, he should be buying the gifts, and deciding if he wants to attend things involving them.

Surely it would be more annoying if he came to you with every question and detail about all this stuff because he's incapable of making a decision.

If this is all there is to it then YABU.

Izzymoon · 07/08/2024 19:53

He got an invite which included you as a plus one, he’s allowed to be the one to turn it down if he doesn’t want to attend. They invited him, if you were specifically invited you would have known directly but you didn’t.
Why would he have to make decisions regarding work or his friends with you? And why do you get a say in what card or gift he gets his family members?
Your expectations sound really odd.

cupcaske123 · 07/08/2024 19:53

If it's only regarding those kinds of examples ie his friends and family then you're being unreasonable. I'm not sure what there is to discuss. If he doesn't want to see one of his friends why does he have to discuss it with you? Likewise what he does with his family.

sunsetsandboardwalks · 07/08/2024 19:51

It would genuinely never occur to me to ask DH what to buy my family, or about whether we attended one of my friends' events Confused