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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to tell my grandparents that I won’t be entertaining them?

111 replies

kfellover · 07/08/2024 19:05

I’m due to give birth to my first baby at the end of August. I live quite far from family and they have all decided when the baby is born they will travel to us and stay nearby for a few days so that they aren’t travelling a lot in one day. That’s fine by me.

However, one set of grandparents have never visited before so this will be their first time. They’re treating them coming up as if it’s a little holiday for them and aren’t considering that I will have just given birth. They keep talking about how I will be able to show them places that I’ve spoke about etc. I’ve told them that I might not be up for that depending on how the birth goes and how I’m feeling, so if they want to do stuff then they need to plan it themselves, but they don’t seem to be listening to me.

It’s really been stressing me out. I’m happy for them to see the baby and to come over for a little while but after that I’d prefer for them to entertain themselves and I’ll join them if I feel up to it. Plus I want to breastfeed and I don’t want to have to cover myself up/take myself to another room whilst I’m still establishing it, but I know my grandmother will have lots to say about me breastfeeding. I also plan on having a home birth and I’m worried as soon as I announce that baby has been born they will be on their way and not give us time to settle in like we would if we were coming home from hospital.

WIBU to tell them they’re more than welcome to visit when I feel comfortable with it but if they plan on staying for a few days they need to entertain themselves?. I feel like this isn’t unreasonable but my grandmother has made a couple of comments about how I’m being precious and it’s got in my head a little bit and just want to make sure I’m not being unfair.

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 07/08/2024 19:23

Tell them to make plans on places to visit and amuse themselves.
Tell them depending on how you feel and your recovery goes, short visits from them could possibly be doable, but you definitely won't be acting as some kind of tour guide.

Eddielizzard · 07/08/2024 19:20

You can absolutely tell them you won't be able to show them around and they'll need to entertain themselves. You won't know what you'll be feeling up to. Def get your parent to have a word if poss.

selldonaterecycle · 07/08/2024 19:20

I hope you have someone who will be batting away all of these visitors after the birth. I would stay very vague at the moment about any arrangements. I would also speak with my DP or parent who I would encourage to speak with Grandparents to advocate for you OP.

viques · 07/08/2024 19:19

Since all your family are far off you have a little leeway to be a bit vague about when you actually give birth, I would give yourself at least a couple of days , longer if you can, before you make the announcement, hard I know, but under the circumstances I think you could get away with it.

I would also be sending the tourist grandparents brochures and links to places of interest close by , make sure they know that this is so they can arrange their own days out

ButterCrackers · 07/08/2024 19:19

Tell them that you are happy for them to visit you at home for short moments only after the birth because you will be recovering and also bonding with your baby as a family unit. The hotel, Airbnb can be close the centre and restaurants for them. Make it clear that you will be at home and not cooking, shopping or going out.

SwordToFlamethrower · 07/08/2024 19:18

"Hahaha ha, I'm afraid I'll be recovering from childbirth and busy feeding and looking after a newborn baby 24 hours a day. I won't be going anywhere or getting off the sofa for quite a while. Maybe another time"

Lastminuteisinit · 07/08/2024 19:18

They also might not have a clue how brutal modern day maternity care is (no ‘overnight nursery’, no staying in for a week to rest - I know not all hospitals did this but they may think you may be more rested than you are.)

Also, who is the child - if it’s your father they may not have been too hands on and so not remember.

Can you tell them your due date is later?

TinkerTiger · 07/08/2024 19:17

I’ve told them that I might not be up for that depending on how the birth goes and how I’m feeling

You need to be clearer. 'I won't be up for that because I will have just given birth'.

KeirSpoutsTwaddle · 07/08/2024 19:15

Don’t tell them straight away, so you get to see whether the initial recovery is going to plan.

If they complain after, point out you wanted to be sure you were well enough for visitors before announcing.

Tell them they are welcome to come but uou probably won’t be leaving the house until you’ve established breast feeding, the bleeding has stopped, and your stitches have been removed. Don’t be coy.

BakeOffRewatch · 07/08/2024 19:14

You’re not being unfair. They’ve probably forgotten how onerous and life consuming it is.

twomanyfrogsinabox · 07/08/2024 19:11

They may realise when they get there that they have misjudged the situation. Can you get whichever parent is the child of these grandparents to have a word? If they just come I would say you're not up to it if they want you to do anything you don't want to. DH will have to cope!

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