AIBU to tell my grandparents that I won’t be entertaining them?

Second staying in bed to feed if you feel you need it. And keep in your night attire for as long as you feel you want to that shows people that you are staying home. Midwife s orders. Remember that you will have a wound the size of a dinner plate where the placenta was attached and possibly you might have a tear . So very important to heal and take care of yourself, and have others taken care of you so you are well enough to look after your baby

Maybe, the doctor “reevaluated” your due date to one week later. Or, “Granny, you do know first babies are notoriously late when making their appearance?” And, then proceed to have the baby on the due date and “neglect” to notify them for a day or two.

They are being very rude and inconsiderate. How about when Grandmother or Granddad has had an operation you call and immediately announce you are coming to their house for a visit and are planning on staying there because it “works” best for you? When their reaction is “Don’t do that”, you could gently remind them how they descended on you right after the baby was born and you thought you would follow their lead.

The entitlement and poor manners of some people is just amazing.

Tell them in 6 months time! They dont need to come over the day after the birth

The "broken record" technique works well on push parents/grandparents.
"I'm not well enough to go with you to X"
"oh, but we were so looking forword to spending time with you and the baby.
", I know but I'm not well enough to go with you to X"
"But, we're only visiting just this time."
"I hear that, but I'm not well enough to go with you to X"...

Repeat the same phrase/combination of words till the point lands. I do not start it with "I'm sorry".

I banned all visits for 2 days after i got home from hospital. Obviously both sets of parents wanted to be the first to say hi to the baby, so I had to manage expectations there. I made sure that all visitors were given a chore to help the "new parents". I didn't want gifts, I wanted help. I suggest putting an "ooh while your here, could ya just..." list together on your phone. (mowing the lawn, cleaning stuff, washing up...anything). Some folk will be grateful for feeling helpful, other will feel resentful and it'll discourage them visiting too often.

You want to post into your group chat clear ground rules for handling the baby:
No kissing the baby - modern thinking is that babies are very vulnerable to things like cold sores.
No waking the baby - you wake it you put it back to sleep.
The baby will be given to you, don't just pick the baby up.
Add anything you feel is right for you.

You are a mum now...advocate for your baby!

A good reason for sending her out of the room whenever your baby needs a feed!

You could always make a date for them to come up and see you and the baby - for a month or so (as long as you dare) after the expected arrival? That way you won't have an unexpected visit and you'll be in a better position for entertaining.

Whrn my first was born my midwife gave me golden advice. She said....if you want to breastfeed your world has to shrink to you and your baby.

It doesn't have to shrink - I just breastfed when I needed to and pretty much wherever I was. My first baby was a summer baby which helped, but I never felt it was something I couldn't do in public.

Tell them you'll let them know when you're up for visitors - I was happy to see family straight away but some people like to wait a while. I liked it because they did stuff for us - all the shopping, housework etc! But if you don't think that is going to happen for you I'd advise you to tell them not to come straight away.

When they do come, don't feel railroaded into pleasing them. Only go out if and when you want to. It's difficult to put a time on it as you don't know how you're going to feel and everyone is different, but remember you'll have a new baby and you and the baby come first, not grandparents or anyone else!

You just need to be blunt and do what works for you. Your Grandparents can wait a few weeks I’m sure before coming, or tell them to keep the visit short but empathise again you won’t be showing them around, you’ll be recovering from the birth

Whrn my first was born my midwife gave me golden advice. She said....if you want to breastfeed your world has to shrink to you and your baby.

I think a major reason BF rates are so low in the Uk is the insane expectations put on mums post partum to be up and about hosting cooking entertaining looking after toddlers etc.

In traditional cultures mum is in bed for the first couple of weeks and women ij the family step in to cook clean and take turns to take the baby so mum can rest.

If you think any visitor will interfere with or even comment on your feeding of your baby .. there is literally no space for thst person in the first weeks of your baby's life

Don't tell them you've had the baby until you are ready for them to visit. At first you only want people to visit for a short time and you definitely won't want to be going out and be a tour guide to people. Don't feel guilty & stick up for yourself.... congratulations for when the baby arrives....

Sorry, not seen last update :)

Hi op,

you are not precious, she is by asking you to come first in front of your newborn babe 🫣

Be clear: « I have had some time to think and I have decided to opt out of visiting. I am happy people visiting the babe but as I have to facilitate so much guests, it would be unfair to take some time out…from baby and from guests travelling far to see us. I hope you understand. »

then repeat. If they come and say something : « I am sorry, I said I can’t. » If they insist: send your mom or have your hubby sends his mom. No confrontation, send their child to enforce your boundary.

Good luck 🌺 and CONGRATS!!!

Put your foot down and tell them that you will need at least 2 weeks at home before they visit. Also make it very clear that you will absolutely not be taking them sightseeing. Look after yourself. This is the time you need to think about you and your baby, not other people

They keep talking about how I will be able to show them places that I’ve spoke about etc. I’ve told them that I might not be up for that depending on how the birth goes and how I’m feeling,

Trust me, you won't want to be going sightseeing, even if you have a textbook easy birth. You'll be dealing with a newborn with no routine, you'll be trying to establish feeding, you'll be awash with hormones, you'll be bleeding and have sore breasts.

Just tell them there is absolutely no chance whatsoever that you will be showing them places or even leaving the house, and if they want to come they will have to find a hotel and sort out all their own sightseeing.

Just a thought….

Hi everyone, as I’m getting closer to my due date I just wanted to make sure everyone is aware of the plans for coming to visit.

When I feel ready for visitors I will let you know and we can arrange for you to come over. I am very much looking forward to spending the early weeks recovering, establishing breastfeeding and bonding with the baby. We’re so excited to share the baby with you, but nervous that our focus won’t be on hosting this time. I won’t be planning to be out and about, but very happy to share
info for the best places to go/eat so that you can entertain yourself when I’m not up for having people over.

Also keep the hotel closer to the touristy areas than your home… (experience)

Haven’t read all the thread admittedly. Honestly, when you’ve grown and birthed a baby I think it’s a great time to allow yourself to be a little bit ‘precious’. Really it is ok and most of us are. That said, I don’t think what you’re proposing is in any way unreasonable. I would have hated guests in the first couple of months, even more so opinionated ones. Just a thought, you don’t need to announce the birth until you’re good and ready……

Due dates can change in the last few weeks. Id be sending an announcement saying the dates have changed based on scan to a week later continue as required.
Then once you are in labour you can take the few days to need and say baby was born xxyy
Likely lots will have the hump but so what!?

I had to empty my DD's birthing pool. The MW give you bags for the 'human waste'. If I hadn't have been there, they would have done it. You need a big sieve that you will bin afterwards. I was my DD's birthing partner.

It doesn't matter how well you feel, your cervix is still high, you will be prone to infection and you need to rest to heal and build up your iron and minerals. In previous generations women's health wasn't considered. If you give birth late and you are both tired, the actual cleaning and putting it away might not happen until the next day. But then again your DH could be on a high and want something to do. Shut down any expectations and make it clear that you need to play it by ear. The baby will still be little enough at Christmas.