Childcare - is she being a CF?

I’ve discovered over years, that the best thing to sort out the CF is to fight fire with fire.

text back saying “that’s absolutely fine we can make it work, and that’s great news for us, as you can reciprocate for us this weekend and have our DD overnight so we can go out. I can drop her off, when I drop your child off on Friday thanks.”

she won’t ask again

I mean, it's up to you whether you think it's feasible to have a 10yo in the house while you work on Friday - if not then it's perfectly reasonable to say no.

But no, I don't think it's cheeky fucker behaviour to ask for one-off help from a sibling/IL in a childcare crisis 🤔I can't imagine being in a family where we wouldn't try to help each other out with things like this, if it was reasonably compatible with our own plans.

What's their questionable behaviour?

Just remember that if she gets stuck again, you’ll be in the same situation because you’re saying yes this time.

is your work ok with WFH with a child at home? If not it isn’t something I’d risk either.

I agree with this.

Her childcare arrangements have fallen through so it’s not cheeky to ask as a one off.

I definitely wouldn’t do Friday though as you are at work, it doesn’t matter whether that’s at home or in the office.

My DD is 10 and once a week I WFH and she mooches at home. I usually set her up with some school thing, audio book and something like Lego, then she gets TV for a bit and I got for a walk with her at lunch time.

If she's going to need more entertaining, SIL needs to book a holiday club that you could offer to take her to?

Honestly it depends on your niece and the relationship with your SIL. It’s not necessarily CF territory and I have done this for relatives and friends in the past.

Some 10 year olds absolutely would be easy to WFH with for a day and just need someone around for true emergencies. Others would not be. You’ll need to use your knowledge of your DN on that one, but this isn’t remotely like asking you to watch a toddler.

But I wouldn’t open this door with your SIL if you think it will become a constant thing.

Her or your brother need to take emergency leave from work. Feel a bit sorry for their neighbour.

I'd guess the SIL would make an excuse not to reciprocate.

Yes but all of OP's comments weirdly leave out her brother "SIL has avoided paying for childcare" "SIL can't take time off".

I don’t think this is CF territory at all unless there is a back story. She is 10. At 10 my two could entertain themselves all day, make lunch etc, especially as 10-4 isn’t a very long day. As a one off it would be fine for me. If you have vibes that it might continue beyond this though, agree you should set your boundaries down.

Absolutely not. It's up to your DH if he wants to babysit his niece/nephew, but she's taking the piss expecting you to babysit when you're working. Nope.

I would say yes. She is ten and I can't see the problem. You SIL works shortish days too. If you feel aggrieved you could ask if she could watch your kid while you and your DH have an evening out.

Tell her absolutely not to Friday. Say that work would issue an immediate disciplinary if you were seen to be doing childcare while in meetings and you're not willing to risk your job.

It's up to DH if he does Thursday but tell her she must drop off and collect.

If normally SIL paid for childcare, I would suggest being accommodating. If it was for something such as going to a funeral, then yes straight away.

Feel no guilt by a simple no. I'm glad to read of your DHs view.

The SIL has always relied on others to watch her child; I’d say it’s one off if say, club fell through last minute, an emergency happened to the paid childcare and she has a career breaking/making event so she can’t take a day or two off. But with a person like that it’s usually you give them an inch and they take a mile.
also OP’s H has plans for one day and she paid for childcare so she can work on the second day.

Not sure what the big deal is tbh. Family should help each other. Presumably they’d step up if you were in a bind?
My 9 and 7 year olds entertain themselves if I happen to be working (a teacher training day or whatnot) and haven’t got childcare. They aren’t any bother at all 🤷‍♀️. The 3 year old goes into childcare as he is definitely bother!

The responses on this thread are ridiculous.
Sil has been fortunate to manage to work without paying for childcare. Good for her. I pay a fortune for mine but i dont begrudge people who can manage without it.
You obviously cant wfh with a 2yo but a 10yo would be fine watching tv/reading etc all day. No its not ideal but needs must during the hols.
There is no indication she's a cf, she's just asked.

Where is your brother in all this?

I think the 'where is x in all of this' line has gone too far now.

Just to remind everyone, 'all of this' is looking after a 10 year old for 6 hrs. Hardly a complex, life altering situation requiring every relative to be accounted for.

SIL or DB will have to take time off.

Nope.

And I've looked after my nieces and nephews in the past.

You want your relationship with your niece, who is a person in her own right, to remain a good one. Looking after her by bunging her infront of the TV for 2 straight days won't help it to be one.

Just say you can’t do childcare while working and that your employer is strict about this. If she insists: « SIL, your argument is that you don’t want to risk your job by taking time off, surly you can understand that I won’t risk mine to solve your problem »