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AIBU?

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Original poster

Childcare - is she being a CF?

268 replies

Hardknocks · 07/08/2024 16:55

DH and I both work full time, but he’s off on a Thursday when he looks after DD who is 2.

SIL works 10-4 Monday to Friday and has so far avoided paying for any childcare for 10 year old niece by getting the neighbour to watch her..

Anyway the neighbour can’t do tomorrow or Friday so she has (just) text me to say please could DH have her tomorrow and I have her at home with me Friday (I WFH). I have work meetings but she said oh don’t worry she will just watch tv.. DH thinks she’s being a complete CF. I feel guilty for potentially saying no and leaving her in the lurch but also pissed off that I’m essentially paying for childcare for DD and looking after someone else’s child.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Jessica60 · 07/08/2024 20:07

It's a one off. I would. You never know when you need the favour back.

diddl · 07/08/2024 20:07

I would think that the problem is if you manage this time then what's to stop you also managing another time?

I'd say no to both days.

sunsetsandboardwalks · 07/08/2024 20:02

SouthLondonMum22 · 07/08/2024 19:59

I imagine she’s considering it because SIL has made her feel guilty and she probably feels that as a one off, she is unlikely to be caught.

There’s no way I’d risk it.

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Me neither if I was in OP's shoes. Absolutely not worth it.

SouthLondonMum22 · 07/08/2024 19:59

sunsetsandboardwalks · 07/08/2024 19:55

I agree, but if my employer didn't allow me to have children around while I was working, it would never even occur to me to ask whether I should offer to watch my niece while WFH Confused

I guess I just find it odd that OP is asking/considering it if she's working and not allowed to have children around in the first place.

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I imagine she’s considering it because SIL has made her feel guilty and she probably feels that as a one off, she is unlikely to be caught.

There’s no way I’d risk it.

Despair1 · 07/08/2024 19:57

Flossyts · 07/08/2024 17:56

No one follows a seven year old around the house supervising them though. My 7 year old is more than happy playing with her dolls or drawing independently. No im not leaving them in the house alone and if there was an emergency they would interrupt my meeting to tell me. They know what they aren’t supposed to touch in the house - ie the oven. But they are more than able to make themselves a drink, snack and entertain themselves. I’m not any more worried about the 7 year old having an accident any more than I would a 12 year old.

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This epitomises the reality of WFH! How can one possibly work in the presence of 7/9 year olds? Irrespective of how good they are or how they may entertain themselves.

sunsetsandboardwalks · 07/08/2024 19:56

Rosscameasdoody · 07/08/2024 19:51

She said in her OP that she works from home.

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Yes, I know, but I know of several employers who wouldn't have an issue with a 10 year old watching TV while their parent worked, especially as a one-off.

Concretejungle1 · 07/08/2024 19:55

Bellaboo01 · 07/08/2024 18:03

What!!!???? I honestly dont think that Mumsnet is serious most of the time. Send her with a packed lunch!!??? It is her Auntie and Uncle, The sibling has asked to look after her child for 1 day!!!

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She looks after this child at weekends too.
op there will end up being ‘another emergency’ next week or in another week.
I think your dh was right…

sunsetsandboardwalks · 07/08/2024 19:55

SouthLondonMum22 · 07/08/2024 18:46

Hardly surprising though. She’s working.

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I agree, but if my employer didn't allow me to have children around while I was working, it would never even occur to me to ask whether I should offer to watch my niece while WFH Confused

I guess I just find it odd that OP is asking/considering it if she's working and not allowed to have children around in the first place.

Despair1 · 07/08/2024 19:53

eish · 07/08/2024 16:57

I would agree to Thursday as DH is not working but absolutely refuse Friday. You are working.

I agree with this. If you are working, how can you look after a 10 year old? Not possible

Cherrysoup · 07/08/2024 19:51

Stop being a doormat. Say no, Dh is busy then you’re working.

Rosscameasdoody · 07/08/2024 19:51

sunsetsandboardwalks · 07/08/2024 17:56

Yes, another drip feed!

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She said in her OP that she works from home.

SouthLondonMum22 · 07/08/2024 19:39

Thudercatsrule · 07/08/2024 19:35

Here we go, doesnt get the response wanted, so now theres problems. God, summer hols is hard for everyone, just help out if you can, karma and all that. 2/3/4/5 days during the hols isnt a big deal, come on.

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OP is trying to work. She isn’t sat at home doing nothing.

If the 10 year old is so easy, she can go to work with her dad who is self employed.

Thudercatsrule · 07/08/2024 19:35

Hardknocks · 07/08/2024 17:26

Questionable as in lots of drinking/arguing at home, hence looking after her on weekends but that’s separate to this thread

Here we go, doesnt get the response wanted, so now theres problems. God, summer hols is hard for everyone, just help out if you can, karma and all that. 2/3/4/5 days during the hols isnt a big deal, come on.

TwinklyNight · 07/08/2024 19:32

Tell her stay home.

Thudercatsrule · 07/08/2024 19:32

If its 1/2 times during the summer hols, not all CF.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 07/08/2024 19:31

jaimelesoleil · 07/08/2024 17:53

If you were always going to look after your niece anyway, why come on here asking if her mother is being a cheeky fucker 🙄

Because OP wanted to hear that her sister in law is a cheeky fucker and have that validated by as many frothing posters as possible.

I never understand why posters are so keen to post about family members simply to get a rush of gleefully spiteful responses but there it is. I think some posters would absolutely love to hear that everything has gone to shit. Ugh.

Do what you want, OP, but I don't think much of your thread.

TwinklyNight · 07/08/2024 19:27

I'd say we don't do childcare, but here is the nursery number. Oh wait, she's 10!
I'd say no anyways. She is taking advantage of her neighbour and needs to hire somebody.

cannellonivesuvio · 07/08/2024 19:16

Hardknocks · 07/08/2024 17:01

Sorry didn’t mean to drip feed. She’s my brothers wife, DH is taking DD to see his mum Thursday so really can’t expect him to take her too, so essentially she would be at my house watching tv for 2 days which isn’t good for anyone. However SIL is practically begging saying she can’t take the time off work yadda yadda.

She also doesn’t drive so needs me to pick her up and drop her back each day 🙄 hate being put in this position. I love my niece and she really is no trouble but she needs more interaction than being shoved in front of a screen all day.

You don’t have to do it, but she is 10 and why do you assume she’d be on a screen all day. She can do other things, maybe bake something (no oven or help with oven), draw, read or whatever.

LoquaciousPineapple · 07/08/2024 19:14

I don't think it's cheeky to ask about tomorrow if DH is home anyway and doing childcare.

Whether I consider Frisay cheeky depends whether she genuinely does just want her kid in front of the TV all day and if the kid would do it. If they would, I don't think it's cheeky to ask, but I would still say no.

gardenmusic · 07/08/2024 19:13

As a one-off I'm sure you'll be fine.

Yes. You will be fine, and you will be fine next time, too, and the next.
Also, when the neighbour decides not to do it anymore, what's a few more days? It worked OK last time. It will be fine.
I'm sure you can adjust your day to do the pick ups and drop offs.

In a 'nice' world, your niece would be bought in by Mum or Dad in a taxi if necessary, and taken home in the same way.
You would be profusely thanked, maybe with a little gift and a definite arrangement to return the favour.
You would not be asked again for a long time.
Chances of that? They are already pushing it with the pick ups and drop offs!

ButterCrackers · 07/08/2024 19:05

OpizpuHeuvHiyo · 07/08/2024 18:57

She is definitely being a CF and it's very foolish to say "just this once" because if you give a CF an inch they take several miles.

It's very dodgy to be in charge of children when WFH. Most employers would treat that as a disciplinary matter.

Good point. If an emergency happens and you’re on a call or getting a time set job done you’ll have to leave your work. Looking after a child (not yours) wouldn’t be an acceptable reason for missing work.

Tengreenbottles2 · 07/08/2024 19:04

2 days watching telly as a one-off isn't going to harm the child.

The question is whether you will actually be able to work with her around. When I was 10 I would have been good as gold, you wouldn't have known I was there, but not all children are like that. As a one-off I'm sure you'll be fine.

MellersSmellers · 07/08/2024 19:01

If she'd been let down at the last minute by the neighbour, I'd do it I think. But making it clear that you're working on Friday and you really can't do anything to supervise/entertain.
If she's just been disorganised I'd say No to the Friday.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/08/2024 18:59

ApiratesaysYarrr · 07/08/2024 18:55

"Hi, I'm afraid that we can't help on Friday,Hardknocks is WFH and isn't supposed to be responsible for any children in the house while she is working, that's why we send baby Hardknocks to childcare."

I'm not quite sure why your husband can't take both kids to see his mum if he wanted to - as it's his brother's child, surely it's her grandchild? If he just doesn't want to look after her, fine, but you need to say that.

It’s the OP’s brother’s wife not the husband’s sister.

So in effect it’s a request from OP’s brother to look after his child, made through his wife for some reason.

You would assume it’s the husband’s sister from the OP, I agree.

Phineyj · 07/08/2024 18:58

I wouldn't do it for fear I'd end up replacing the neighbour.

I think she should be going to work with the self-employed dad.

My DD goes to work with DH when we have this sort of situation (men get cut a lot of slack with that kind of stuff...)