Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childcare - is she being a CF?

268 replies

Hardknocks · 07/08/2024 16:55

DH and I both work full time, but he’s off on a Thursday when he looks after DD who is 2.

SIL works 10-4 Monday to Friday and has so far avoided paying for any childcare for 10 year old niece by getting the neighbour to watch her..

Anyway the neighbour can’t do tomorrow or Friday so she has (just) text me to say please could DH have her tomorrow and I have her at home with me Friday (I WFH). I have work meetings but she said oh don’t worry she will just watch tv.. DH thinks she’s being a complete CF. I feel guilty for potentially saying no and leaving her in the lurch but also pissed off that I’m essentially paying for childcare for DD and looking after someone else’s child.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Ilovemyshed · 07/08/2024 17:19

"Sorry but DH has plans to go out and I am at work so can't help."

"But you work from home"

"My employer does not allow me to cover any childcare in working hours without another parent or carer being present. Sorry I can't help."

ARichtGoodDram · 07/08/2024 17:18

At the most I'd do it Friday, but be very clear it's a one off. Your DH has plans so he's not available.

She should also be getting a taxi to yours and not expecting you to pick up and drop off.

Is there a backstory behind your brother not being mentioned?

PeloMom · 07/08/2024 17:18

Where’s your DB in all of this? If he’s not her dad where’s her dad? SIL has to call in sick or get AL. She has form and I wouldn’t open the door to this expectation . Probably her neighbour is getting fed up too and is becoming less and less available.

wutheringkites · 07/08/2024 17:17

waterrat · 07/08/2024 17:15

It's actually not okay for a 10 year old to do nothing but watch tv for even a few days - she is the perfect age for a holiday club - your SIL can pay for a few days - then her child is out with friends having exercise/ fun/ etc .

How is it not ok? What impact will it have?

It's definitely not ideal but as long as it's not all the time, a couple of days of tv is hardly going to cause long term harm.

MeAgainAndAgain · 07/08/2024 17:17

We need to know more about your brother.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 07/08/2024 17:16

At 10, as a one off, as long as your WFH policy allowed it, I wouldn’t have an issue.

I would absolutely not be picking her up in the morning / taking her home though:

waterrat · 07/08/2024 17:16

Baffled by people who think it's no bother at all to have a 10 year old in your house - yes a few hours of tv is fine - but an entire day? when the OP has actually paid for childcare for her own child? Why should it be on her mind wondering if the kid is bored while she is working.

waterrat · 07/08/2024 17:15

It's actually not okay for a 10 year old to do nothing but watch tv for even a few days - she is the perfect age for a holiday club - your SIL can pay for a few days - then her child is out with friends having exercise/ fun/ etc .

sunsetsandboardwalks · 07/08/2024 17:14

I actually can't see an issue as a one-off for a couple of days.

She'll be fine in front of the TV with her tablet or something for a bit.

waterrat · 07/08/2024 17:14

Let me get this straight - your child is in paid childcare and she wants you watching her 10 year old? that is just shit parenting for starters - her poor 10 year old!

LookItsMeAgain · 07/08/2024 17:13

Sorry - just seen your update that she is your brother's wife, so where is her family in this?

marshlellow · 07/08/2024 17:13

feel guilty for potentially saying no

Utterly unreasonable to feel guilty

Dampfnudeln · 07/08/2024 17:12

I would help out my DB and SIL as a one off. At 10yo she should be fine to entertain herself.

wutheringkites · 07/08/2024 17:12

I love my niece and she really is no trouble but she needs more interaction than being shoved in front of a screen all day.

It's not that big a deal for a couple of days but if you don't want to do it then that's fair enough.

I assume your brother and SIL are both in jobs where they can't work from home?

SouthLondonMum22 · 07/08/2024 17:11

Absolutely not. She needs to pay for childcare like the rest of us have to.

I WFH and it’s also my work policy that primary school children need to be in childcare.

EatTheGnome · 07/08/2024 17:11

I wouldn't do it.

I'd say sorry, dh has plans and your employer has a strict no kids while wfh policy and you know people who have been sacked for it so you cannot risk it.

Ignore any wheeling because its cunty to push you after you've said that.

MzHz · 07/08/2024 17:11

Tel SIL you are working and no can do.

Inertia · 07/08/2024 17:11

You're working, and DH has plans with his own family, so neither of you are available.

Sounds like your brother and SIL need more formal arrangements for childcare.

boyohboys · 07/08/2024 17:10

Absolutely not whilst you're working and up to DH if he wants DN to accompany him to his mum's for the day. I wouldn't mind my niece or nephew spending the day with me and LO they might both quite enjoy it and a nice bonding experience.

Mum or dad need to take Friday off or both if you can't help. Don't be guilt-tripped into disrupting your working day - a 10 year old is NOT self sufficient and. My work wouldn't be impressed if they know I had children at home on a work day.

LookItsMeAgain · 07/08/2024 17:09

When you say "She just texted" is that the neighbour or your SiL who texting asking to have the kids? To me, this bit wasn't clear.

If it's the neighbour - she's WAY out of line.
If it's the SiL - she should be asking her brother (your DH) and if he can do a day, that's entirely up to him but you have ZERO obligation to look after these kids while you're at work.
Does SiL not have anyone else that she could call on to look after her kids? Where is the kids father in this? Where is his family in this??

bloodyeffinnora · 07/08/2024 17:07

I would do it, shes stuck, they're family and it's not a regular thing. also she's 10, so can entertain herself mostly.

Awrite · 07/08/2024 17:07

Where is your brother in all this?

SIL is avoiding childcare.
SIL is a cf according to dh.
SIL works.

All SIL. Ah, I've just realized ... she's not your brother's child?

GreenIvyy · 07/08/2024 17:06

Say no. Dh has plans and your wfh which is difficult with kids. The end. Mute/archive conversation or bury mobile under the patio!

Is the summer of CF childcare requests?!? Seems to be loads lately!

Tygertiger · 07/08/2024 17:05

No. She needs to pay for childcare like other parents do. If she works 10-4 she might be able to get a kids’ camp at the leisure centre or similar.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 07/08/2024 17:04

Just say you can do Friday if you want to but husband can't on Thursday as he's not at home.