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Original poster

To be freaking out at turning 40.

107 replies

WAITthisIS40 · 07/08/2024 15:43

I am 40 next year, and it can't be true. I'm not ready!! I don't feel that age. I have recently noticed slight lines on the sides of my mouth, which i'm using retinol for, and the starts of neck sagging. I have a young looking neck, no rings, but all of a sudden a slight line downwards from under my chin has appeared! WTF. Is this it now? Am I classed as middle aged, well on my way to being a little old lady? I don't want my face to head South.

I was always used to being the youngest one, and now this is drastically changing! When I go out, I wonder do I look old. I hate the fasion now, and make comments about young girls going out naked, and that when I was that age there was a stomach or legs rule, we wore clothes, and our elders would complain about that. I am very slim, in good shape and feel fine, but then my body isn't the same as it was. I have to tone it more, esp my inner thighs, and bum. My hips are wider too.

I am sounding older by the day. I had dcs in my early 30's, was barely out my 20's, have finally emerged from the sleep deprived fog, and I am 39!! I don't look in my 20's any more like I used to. It's like most of my 30s have been a blur.

Does anybody else feel this way? Do you feel better once you pass 40? I never cared about 30, as it was close to 20s, but 40, flipping 40!! I have acouple of items of clothes older than some teenagers (when they actually used to make them with quality), ahh there I go again with my old dear complaining!

OP posts:
circular1985 · 07/08/2024 16:33

I'm 42 with a teenager. Didn't really care much about turning 40 as all my friends were already 40. I honestly think I look better now than when I was in my 20's. I'm slimmer, have better skin, more time and money to spend on myself.

KimKardashiansLostEarring · 07/08/2024 16:32

I’ve had 4 friends turn 40 this year - I’m 34, so it’s nice to see these awesome, way cooler than me, stylish, successful, happy, lively women lead the way. A friend in her 50s just this morning told me how epic your 40s are. One of my friends turning 40 has already been through the menopause twice and says it’s so empowering once you’re through it so I’m not worried about that. Too many people don’t make it to 40.

Straightouttachelmsford · 07/08/2024 16:31

40s really good here too.

Stopped angsting about kids, got fitter, all good.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 07/08/2024 16:29

YABU. You'll be just one year older, like you are every year. 40 is just a number.

Lupina12 · 07/08/2024 16:21

Hello, I'm just 40, it’s great!

I think its normal to have a panic about ageing, so don't be too hard on yourself, it can take a while to adjust to a new decade

When you see photos of yourself in your twenties looking fabulous… well; in ten years time you'll feel the same way about how you look now! So bloody well enjoy it, you gorgeous creature!

Go and have a mid-life crisis and do some mad, fun stuff! Live! Xx

Feellikeafailurenow · 07/08/2024 16:21

I’m 40 in a couple of months & have spent the past year with anxiety over it as it feels really old as i remember my mum & dad turning 40! I’m sure when the day is over i’ll be fine & its no different from being 39 but its the thought of it for me!

AngelinaFibres · 07/08/2024 16:18

WAITthisIS40 · 07/08/2024 16:09

Thank you for making me feel less of a self absorbed weirdo! I try to have a stern talking to myself, and still I feel this way. When I hear 40, it just feels too soon, like it is at least 6 years away minimal.
It is reassuring to know this passes, or should do anyway.

Edited
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At 40 you have a very good chance of living as many years as you've already had over again. Once you get to 80 ,if you're still healthy , you'll hopefully get another 10 years. Just think of the fabulous things you could do with all that time. I'm 60 next year. My life between 40 and 60 has been hundreds and hundreds of times better than my life before, particularly from 30 to 40. Enjoy it it's an amazing privilege.

minou123 · 07/08/2024 16:16

WAITthisIS40 · 07/08/2024 16:05

Haha yes boobs too, i had forgotten that one! You see my memory is clearly getting fuzzy now, because it was that long ago!! 😭
I see them, and turn to dh, and say "do they not know the rule!!" He looks at me like I'm crazy, except when he sees young men in socks and sandles, and what we used to call "budgie" pants...cringe, we just cannot get down with that one! It is just wrong.

Edited
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Ha ha.😂

Now your memory is coming back, go on, admit it - you must have broken the boob/stomach or leg rule.

I was saying to my best friend, who I've known since we were 14, "these kids are not following the rules"
One by one, she produced photographic evidence of everytime where both the boobs and legs were on show 😁
We broke our own rules 😂

middleagedandinarage · 07/08/2024 16:14

I'm feeling it too. I got pregnant with my 1st baby just before I turned 30, when I felt young, relatively good looking and fit. The best part of the last decade seems to have passed me by either pregnant, breast feeding or knee deep in nappies and baby classes (don't get me wrong I absolutely loved it) but all of a sudden it's hit me that 40 is fast approaching and I feel slightly cheated that it crept up so quickly with out warning haha

BananagramBadger · 07/08/2024 16:14

Up to 45 was fine, all went quite downhill for me after that! Sanity sorted with HRT but weight gain isn’t going anywhere yet!

JamesmckennaDUI · 07/08/2024 16:13

Aging isn't a bad thing, it's a privilege that should be embraced.

It's all about you mindset and how to perceive it.

KimberleyClark · 07/08/2024 16:11

I did have a bit of angst turning 40, but it was nothing to do with ageing, I’d spend the last decade trying to get pregnant and had just been told I had premature ovarian failure and pointless doing any more IVF, I just had no eggs left. Turning 50 was great as my periods had stopped, and I”m having a ball now at 63.

Original poster
WAITthisIS40 · 07/08/2024 16:09

Offcom · 07/08/2024 16:04

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable (because I was the same, therefore it must be reasonable?)

If it helps, it does seem to have been the worst one in terms of freaking out, at least from my early 50s perspective. Let the panic spur you on to do something you’ve been putting off, and plan a fitting celebration.

Thank you for making me feel less of a self absorbed weirdo! I try to have a stern talking to myself, and still I feel this way. When I hear 40, it just feels too soon, like it is at least 6 years away minimal.
It is reassuring to know this passes, or should do anyway.

OP posts:
ButterflyHQ · 07/08/2024 16:08

The 40s were my best decade of life.
I have never felt more energetic and confident. I miss them.

Moier · 07/08/2024 16:07

I loved my 40's
Went to Dublin to celebrate.
Always out and about with friends. ( l was and still am single).
My daughter turns 40 next January.
She kicked out her abusive ex husband 18 months ago.
Got a new job.
Bringing 3 ND teen boys up .
Making loads of new friends.
Going to see artists.
Mini breaks away.
She's a beautician... so takes good care of herself .
Embrace it.

eggandchip · 07/08/2024 16:05

My sister turned 40 last week her son turned 22 yesterday.
She not bothered about age shes loving life.

RomeoRivers · 07/08/2024 16:05

Go to the hair dressers and get your hair dyed, invest in some good quality make up and skin care and buy a nice outfit in prep for your 40th; that way you can look back on the photo when you’re 60 and you’ll realise how fabulous you still were 😊

Original poster
WAITthisIS40 · 07/08/2024 16:05

minou123 · 07/08/2024 15:58

I did kind of feel the same as you before I turned 40, but turning 40 was weirdly brilliant.

I seem.to have gained this "I dont give a fuck" attitude.
All the minor, silly things that bothered me during my 20s and 30s just dont get to me anymore.

For example, I spent too much time in my 20s and 30s caring and worrying if people liked me. Now, I just don't give fuck if Carol in Accounts likes me or not.

It really is very liberating.

when I was that age there was a stomach or legs rule,
😂 I had a boobs or legs rule.

Haha yes boobs too, i had forgotten that one! You see my memory is clearly getting fuzzy now, because it was that long ago!! 😭
I see them, and turn to dh, and say "do they not know the rule!!" He looks at me like I'm crazy, except when he sees young men in socks and sandles, and what we used to call "budgie" pants...cringe, we just cannot get down with that one! It is just wrong.

OP posts:
Offcom · 07/08/2024 16:04

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable (because I was the same, therefore it must be reasonable?)

If it helps, it does seem to have been the worst one in terms of freaking out, at least from my early 50s perspective. Let the panic spur you on to do something you’ve been putting off, and plan a fitting celebration.

BibbleandSqwauk · 07/08/2024 16:01

I don't really get age angst. It just happens. You can't do anything about it. Each stage of your life brings new experiences, positive and negative. I enjoy giving far less of a shit about what people think of me, being confident and comfortable arguing my case, being taken a bit more seriously actually. Far less pressure to do things you don't want to do.

minou123 · 07/08/2024 15:58

I did kind of feel the same as you before I turned 40, but turning 40 was weirdly brilliant.

I seem.to have gained this "I dont give a fuck" attitude.
All the minor, silly things that bothered me during my 20s and 30s just dont get to me anymore.

For example, I spent too much time in my 20s and 30s caring and worrying if people liked me. Now, I just don't give fuck if Carol in Accounts likes me or not.

It really is very liberating.

when I was that age there was a stomach or legs rule,
😂 I had a boobs or legs rule.

Original poster
WAITthisIS40 · 07/08/2024 15:57

Qwertys · 07/08/2024 15:49

You are doing well if you only just now are starting to get lines by your mouth! I have loads of wrinkles and I’m younger. I try to remind myself I was very pretty in my 20s and didn’t realise it so I’m probably nicer looking now too than I realise. But yes, aging is hard.

A friend once told me that we are our own biggest critics, I think she was right. I bet you look younger to others. I have noticed less bounce back on my skin, and my 7 year old is doing a grand job of telling me I look old , "Mummy you have white hair there, "No I don't!" Checks mirror, and s*** the little rascal was right! 😂I am convincing myself that it is destroyed pigment as a result of stress, and that tje colour will come back!
And yes!! I saw holiday pictures of my 20's, perfect skin, and pretty. I was really underconfident in myself then; if only I knew what I do now!

OP posts:
MailmansWife · 07/08/2024 15:56

Age is just a number @WAITthisIS40 I'm heading towards 60 and life is good xx

19lottie82 · 07/08/2024 15:54

I felt the same but now I am enjoying my 40s…….. and as others say plenty of people don’t have the privilege of teaching 40. You need to think of it like that, I’m sure you wouldn’t prefer the other option!

KimberleyClark · 07/08/2024 15:53

Turning 40 is better than the alternative. Trust me.

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