Why so many husband problems?

I left my ex wife after just over 4 years.

Given her stellar track record I suggest that there are probably quite a few unhappy men out there as well.

It would be interesting to hear from some same sex relationships as well

I definitely think a lot of why women don't leave is financial, and lack.of practicalsupport...I left my marriage with not very much, luckily managed to rent a partially furnished house and my parents helped with other furniture. I was fortunate to have access to savings to pay deposit and 3 months rent up front. I lived off UC for a long while as I built a business up, with a lot of family support, and xh and I shared 50/50 custody.

7 years down the line and I've never looked back, and never got into another relationship. I've focused on my dds and my business and we're now in a good position financially. But that initial jump was expensive, scary and I was lucky to have 100% support from my dps, which lots of people don't have

My personal stance on this is that I couldn't be happier 5 years on from my 20yr marriage ending. I was done with his crap.

It took you 20 years though! (unless things were OK for the first 15 or so). Maybe your friends will get there in the end.

I think that last sentence probably sums it up.

It’s hard to spend a life riding the same bike as someone else. You get out of sync because it’s not the same brain controlling it. BUT there are also nice parts to being a team and I think whereas once it was a bit taboo to focus on the out of sync bits, today people pick the holes bigger and bigger. I think relationships are a mixture of them being your rock and your arsehole.

Dadsnet! I don’t know why I find that so funny … But the fact I do suggests that I honestly don’t picture them minding things as much. As long as there’s a beer and a match to distract them, I don’t think many of them ruminate in the same way as women.

Can’t stand the old school relationships that women get into

”I need to get up the road & make his dinner”

why can’t he make anything?

I have a lovely husband, been together for 35 yrs. Atm he cooks one wk and I cook one wk , just to give an example of how we share chores. Good solid men are out there! I have one.

duplicate post

Pet insurance for a dog can be picked up for circa £600 annual. Much less than a 2 week holiday abroad.

Regardless, maybe the poster prioritises a pet over a holiday.

Surely a dog costs more than a holiday? (Ongoing costs like vet bills etc.)

I said 'CAN' be worse. I never get responses like this – obviously one size doesn't fit all, but it should come as no surprise that many women in bad marriages are very frightened at becoming single mothers, particularly if they don't work, are on a low income, have no savings or have no family support. Abuse and infidelity are one thing, but low level unhappiness is quite another

I was a single mother from when my daughter was almost 3 and it was blissful happiness compared to being her father’s wife. He started being abusive when I was pregnant and it just got worse. 22 years and I haven’t remarried.

I think for many, it's the threat of poverty. Many single parents are a lot poorer than when they're married. Austerity and the two child benefit cap have made that worse.

On top of that are women who haven't married who could lose their homes should they leave and have perhaps given up employment to take care of children. Working mothers also have very little support and childcare is expensive.

The government don't do enough to force fathers to pay up for their children and standard CMS is very low.

Women often get trapped in poor marriages because their husbands change once they have children. Endemic sexism often becomes apparent once children are on the scene. Many don't want to split up the home and can't afford to run a home by themselves.

I spend a good couple of hours listening to someone tell me about their pretty abusive marriage the other night.

I should have given her the example of a nearly 80yo friend sitting on my garden wall telling me how horrible their H is now and it's even worse due to cognitive decline.

I'm lucky but I also couldn't live like that. MN is very good at shining a light on what has become normalised behaviour for some women.

On the contrary, women have been getting together and moaning about the menfolk since the dawn of time. I can just picture them over the spinning or the grain-grinding, picking apart all the faults in his hunting or ploughing skills.

What has changed is:

1. Women's ability to leave a bad man, and
2. The modern idea that we should get all our emotional, mental and physical support from one partner, instead of living in a community of mutual support from relatives and other women. Our expectations of what one person can give us are very high.

Some women just like to have a moan.

You only notice the ones who talk about their problems.

MN is chock full of people talking about issues with their partners, and one could be forgiven for thinking that most people are living in a rotten relationship. But all the ones who are happy don't post about it, so the view is obscured.

Most people can't afford to just leave or if they did leave they would have a poor life

If I could, I'd divorce my in-laws- instead I just have nothing to do with them.

Sharing your life with someone isn't easy and if there was a dads net they would all be on about their wives.
That said, because it's not easy isn't a reason to break up a home.
I love my husband, he's my rock, but he's also my asshole.

I do think people are less likely to work on their marriages these days, or at least to privately agree to just get on with things and put up/shut up. It’s very acceptable now to moan and bitch and gossip about everything, I think marriage was much more private in previous generations (for better or for worse!).

I think for a lot of couples after a certain length of time marriage is what you make of it - but that means both people making a genuine effort to make it work, not just one.

Women who can't afford to run a household alone have to compromise by living with someone who doesn't treat them very well.

And the men know it, and take advantage of it.

Fucking sad state to be in.

Combination of money and schooling. I can afford to maintain our rented home on just my income, but I can't afford to move elsewhere within a reasonable distance of the school. Even smaller properties are more expensive than ours, and the competition for them is fierce...that doesn't include trying to find at least £3k upfront for deposit and a month's rent. That's just for a 3 bed/2 double bed place.

He won't leave - I can't make him leave as a co-tenant because he's done nothing 'wrong' beyond being a selfish man child that my life would be better without.

My only option if I leave is to uproot our children, disrupt their schooling, hobbies and friendships. We'd have to leave a thriving suburb of a decent sized city to an insular small rural village that I couldn't wait to escape when I turned 18 - because I'd have no choice but to lean on the kindness/generosity of family until I could get myself sorted again. That's 3 counties away from where we are now and I wouldn't be able to get back into the area we currently live in a decent timeframe for GCSEs not to be affected.

Given the trauma my children (and I) have had to deal with the last few years, moving would be a real blow to how well they're starting to handle things. Little things like their easily accessible friendship groups in school and hobbies are massively important to them. I know the youngest in particular would really struggle to forge new friendships and would definitely stop her hobbies.

So, I put up with a selfish man child until I win the lottery, or can persuade him to leave, or reach a point where I think relocating won't be a massive blow to my children (specifically the youngest). It's the lesser of two really shitty options.

Because being a single mother can be worse. But that's something society has bred too.

My husband is amazing, we have the best life and love each other so much. We have 100% respect for one another. We've just had the most wonderful holiday together. Who wants to read about that? What would I need to post to ask for advice about when I'm super happy and content? People don't post the good stuff. People post with problems as they are asking for advice.