DP telling me I need to pay him a rent

@LuluBlakey1 that's sensible.

OP, you absolutely do not give him money to pay off his mortgage.
That would be spectacularly foolish.

His feelings have changed for sure, hence he wants some rent from you and to keep his house in his sole name.

I think he is keeping his options open.
I'm sorry but I think you need to move on.

I can see both points of view. I think you did the right thing not paying of some of his mortgage. But I don't think you can expect to live completely rent free. But surely you are not expected to pay his mortgage and rent on top. . I think I would call it a day as there doesn't seem to be a lot of trust between you as regards finances.

What would that proposal cost you in comparison to current situation?

Why don't you propose selling and buying a house together on equal terms?

I can understand his point of view. Yiu want to keep your own profit from your house, but you don't want him to do sane if you want a deed of trust? Am I missing something?

DH sold his flat and moved in with me. I had a house. It was not until we married that I 3as happy for him to use his profit from his flat to pay off a chunk of the mortgage on my house.
I felt I was giving the security of having my house away if I did as if we split up and he wanted his money back I might have had to sell my house. I wanted the security of a marriage as a form of protection. We had a document drawn up even then that said 60% of the house was mine, 20% his and 20% shared- not sure it would have been worth anything really but DH would have stood by it. 2 houses later the house is equally ours.

I own my house outright. What would be fair "rent" to pay me? Cause... Adults. Cause... Housing costs. How much?

I have no idea about your financial circumstances so that would be up to you.

Right, is it alright to ask OP @helloballoon the right questions on MN? I don't know any more hence I post less or not at all... Anyway, here goes.

And thank you to posters who seem to understand fully what's going on, as OP has a very good way of saying so much but yet, saying very little.

E.g, I fully understand her need for the DoT.
However, OP also says she SOLD her property with the understanding/ agreement by the the 2 of them that SHE would use the proceeds to pay HIS mortgage- off or just pay it. I am not clear.

Then, OP says, once the whole long, sometimes frustarating sale process was over and done with, THEY (who) realised HE is on a good rate so not wise for her to pay off teh mortgage.

This is where I have issues: How come teh rate conversation wasn't had before OP started to sell her house? To me, and OP can correct me if I am wrong, it looks like it IS the OP changing the goal posts. ANd what is the DoT for right now, (just to say OP has no interest in house?) if OP has kept her sale proceeds?

To think ONE would undergo sale of a property and be this unclear is unbelievable- yes, I don't believe the OP here. I own 3 properties. Married DH who owned his. I have a pre-nupt (not interested that by law they are marital assets) with clear terms that neither of us needs permission from teh other to sell or deal with their property etc etc etc.

Selling and buying properties is expensive and exhausting. OP needs to explain what really went wrong!

Of course I agree she shouldn't put her money into someone else's property etc etc etc. But the premises of her sale needs to be clarified first.

Also, I fail to see, why she is now unhappy with separate finances, which I think is what she wants? Not too clear on this although I can see the equity argument, I am just unclear why this arrangement was discussed and the first move is a big obstacle.

@QueenCamilla no one said you have to agree with me & I would advise my daughter the same.

I'd move out into an Airbnb and look for another house. Yes, that would involve ending the relationship but that's going to end soon anyway, OP.

The "housing costs" of a mortgage are the costs of a large loan (loan = debt).

You want a girlfriend to be paying your son's debts?

I also have a son. And I'd advise him no such thing.

I own my house outright. What would be fair "rent" to pay me? Cause... Adults. Cause... Housing costs. How much?

Crikey.

My house is in my name and mine alone. I pay the mortgage alone. DP contributes to the bills but absolutely NOT to the mortgage because he doesn't own any equity in the house. When we get married, his name will be put on the deeds and he will start paying his share of the mortgage. He will then own half the equity moving forward (with the previous share of the equity ring-fenced for my daughter).

That's fair, and is what we were both advised to do by our (separate) financial advisors. What your DP is proposing is taking you for an absolute mug.

And I may have misread but I thought the OP only started contributing to mortgage/rent & bills since February and the previous year she didn’t pay anything or maybe just bills. I can’t tell.

You should register an interest in the property with land registry so he can't sell without repaying the deposit back. He's conned you by persuading you to pay towards the deposit, nut putting you on deeds or mortgage & then expe ting rent.

Complete the registration of interest form and don't tell him you've done this for your own safety. Invest your money in your own property and end the relationship, then is a financial abuser.

https://www.stephensons.co.uk/site/blog/consumer-law-blog/registering_your_interest_in_a_property

This is the form you need to compete to register your interest in the property. Doing thus means he can't sell without paying you back first.
https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/notices-restrictions-and-the-protection-of-third-party-interests-in-the-register

Hi OP, I understand where you both are coming from. I actually disagree with the negative comments about your BF. Does paying the current mortgage equate to what you might pay in rent? If so, nobody 'loses'. Why did you sell your property? Was it with the intention of buying somewhere together? How much of the mortgage is left on his property? Could you agree to have both your names in his property deeds in proportionate amounts? I am thinking of solutions. Sadly, I think this may be a blip in your relationship. Hopefully when emotions are cooler, you may be able to discuss more rationally

This is absolutely it.

Not to mention, should you have handed over your lump sum to pay off his mortgage, even with the declaration of trust and being added to the deeds, if you broke up - how do you get your equity back?? You would have to force the sale of the house, because he's hardly going to buy you out is he!

Sorry OP, but he's already taken a massive step back.

You're not married so have no financial protection and now he does not want you to share the asset of the property, even though you have been making mortgage payments. This, and separating your finances is stepping out of commitment to you.

I wouldn't wait to be told - I'd be out of there. Buy yourself a lovely home and find a man who deserves you.

Tbh I would advise marriage first and if assets were very unequal I would maybe not advise marriage!

Would you recognise his contribution to your mortgage legally?

Or would you become his landlord, pay taxes on the rental income and give him housing protection in a form of rental agreement?

Would you pay a share of his car finance, student debt or any other loan he acquired before or during your relationship? You could very well be benefiting directly or indirectly from any number of those.

You don't have to move anyone in if you can't afford the spot on the sofa next to you and the air they're breathing in your mortgaged rooms.

@TomatoSandwiches

I have a son and a brother, I absolutely would not advise them to have someone pay off some of their mortgage and go on the deeds of their property without legal protection. I also wouldn’t advise them to have someone live with them without contributing to housing costs. I don’t think that’s a radical viewpoint.

I honestly can't see what you have done wrong and why he's got the huff. You always need to protect yourself no matter how lovely he/she is. Why would you hand money over and have no security in it and you need to really ask yourself why would he be upset that you want security and that he's so unwilling to give it to you

Of course he is seeing you differently now, you were going to give him a bunch of cash to pay off his mortgage and now he realises you won't without some legal protection for yourself and he's pissed, his plan is ruined.

I'd be using that cash and looking at houses for myself and not worrying any longer about what he thinks.

@Campcritters you still think that people would advise op differently if the roles were reversed.

That is not true, this isn't a sex based issue, it's finances and legal protections.

Some of us have sons you know, we'd give the same advice to them.

I can't get my head around why you would be paying half his mortgage without your name on deeds and I think I'd agree to separate finances and you pay something towards his rent but then not be paying his mortgage. He sounds very controlling and he doesn't trust you. What's the relationship like apart from this huge control issue? I think I'd consider buying my own place and just dating him.

Normally I'm very 'no-one lives rent free' but this guy has done an absolute number on you.

1 - Got you to sell your home and liberate equity.
2 - Reneged on the deal to put you on mortgage but still expects you to pat down chunk of mortgage.
3 - Won't do next obvious thing to resolve it by signing declaration of trust to keep your money secure.
4 - Now trying to guilt you into paying off HIS mortgage with zero guarantees and acting as if the DofT is some evil tool you created to manipulate him.

Best case - he's being really emotionally immature and dense. Worst case - he's trying to steal your savings.

Ridiculous. There's an easy remedy with the DofT and he's being unbelievably weird about it.