DP telling me I need to pay him a rent

Run away now.

He's selfish and it shows.

Get out now

Are you saying that you are paying all of the mortgage or part of it?
I would understand paying some ("rent"), but why on earth would you pay his entire mortgage when you don't own the house?

Put your equity into savings and buy a house together later on, if the relationship lasts.

And for what's it worth, selling your house to start paying rent is a very bad deal for you, and you remind him of that. He will get whatever he is paying into the mortgage back when he sells, you won't. At most, you should be paying your share of the interests.

You sold your house and now have no property, and he wants you to pay off his mortgage on a property you have no claim on???

I saw a solicitor once when in a bad relationship. They told me the obvious which was that if I didn't see the relationship lasting then to do three things:

Don't get married
Keep all accounts separate
If I own the home, get my partner to pay me rent.

Looks like your partner has had the same advice! Sorry OP, it seems as though they anticipate breaking up with you and want to keep the house.

OP needs to keep every receipt for what she has paid towards his house.

Or just committed

@helloballoon I'm just querying this - We agreed to a Declaration of Trust.

The correct term is Deed of Trust.

(I accept there may be other names for it but this is what people I know call it, who have one and what's listed on legal sites.)

Have you actually seen the D of T?

This is a tough one OP - I've read all your posts and not RTWT - but I can see the difficulties that have arisen for both you and your DP; and it's hard to tease apart because there is no right or wrong nor 'side'.

If you both want to keep your relationship, which I think you do, my solution is:

Now - you both agree to look for a different property that you can both purchase equally and pay for including the 'parameters' that provide for future 'unequal' salaries (eg: children/illness/disability).

Short term - yes, instead of paying towards the mortgage you pay a low amount of 'rent' which accounts for all the mortgage payments you have paid to date which may mean your 'rent' is a negative amount.

Long term - that's the aim and may I wish you both well.

Oh god 🫣 why did you sell your house?!

You haven’t put any figures to this, which is the one thing that makes me pause… just in case you made less than he’s spent “on you” in the time you’ve been together. Seems unlikely unless you’re deliberately not mentioning a few luxury holidays!

I’m aghast that you were planning to just pay off some of his mortgage. Thank fuck basically that his mortgage rate stopped you.

I’d take your money and use it as a deposit and move on from this chapter of your life.

Op, you have already gone backwards financially. You sold a house which would have had selling costs, plus you haven't increased equity. Meanwhile he has reduced his mortgage with your help and now has lower utility cost...win/win

The flaw in his plan was that he didn't figure on you being sensible! As it does sound as if he was planning to financially manipulate you.

I'm sorry Op. I once trusted a man financially and it was a very painful lesson. You may have lost some ground financially but thankfully not everything.

Does he want you to pay rent to him for the rest of your life? Does he think that's fair? He'll eventually be mortgage-free. Will he still expect you to pay him rent, then? Where's the benefit for you in paying him rent rather than building equity in a property of your own?

@VividQuoter But I would never do it before marriage, that’s the point.

@FakeMiddleton lots of men are idiots 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP have you taken advice about the investment of your house proceeds pending purchasing another property? Your nest egg will be losing value while you sort out what to do.
Either stop contributing towards his mortgage or refuse to pay rent. Which ever you do be sure the amount is equitable and that there is a paper trail.
However I don’t feel your relationship will ever return to the happy status it had. Once the trust is lost and he has shown his true colours, that he cares more for money and having the control in your relationship, then what’s the point? Cut your losses and find someone who will put you first.

But HE did because he was serious about me. So when the OP says her bf has spoken about marriage...well, mate. Put your money where your mouth is because she looks all in so where's his commitment?

It also goes to show that the way he's behaving is so so so far off the mark of how other men can behave.

How old are you, OP? Do you want children with this man?

Unless you are very young still (which seems unlikely given that you each separately owned your own properties) it seems like a bit of a red flag to me that he hasn't made any real commitment to you, and even more so that he's gaslighting you by saying you're the one who isn't willing to commit to him.

You've sold your house and moved in with him. He still has his house.

You say you've talked about marriage, but is there a ring on your finger? No.

It would be absolute madness to put all your equity into someone else's house without having any kind of legal stake in that house. That's what you were trying to do with the deed of trust.

If his point of view is that he can't be sure you're committed to him unless you're willing to put all your equity towards his property and just trust him not to screw you over, what has he done to demonstrate that he's committed to you? Nothing, as far as I can see.

If they weren’t on the deeds 50/50 then when separating in that year between buying and getting married would have left the house mainly with the boyfriend (poster may have acquired some rights if she was paying towards the mortgage).

For the next 2 and a half years (5 years total of being together), a court considering splitting assets for a divorce would consider the marriage “short” and assets then are not normally split 50/50 as a starting point but rather try to return to each partner what they had going in and only split any gains.

Why not get all the equity in the house put into your name and your partner can take your word for it that you won't fleece him? Of course he wouldn't - he would have to be barking mad to do that - same as you would have to be to let him have your equity without it being protected.

Two ways to resolve this: hold the house as tenants in common with your relative %s protected or get married and pool all your worldly goods.

If neither of those is an option then he has messed you around letting you sell your home and letting you believe that you would build a joint life together when you won't and you should buy a new place of your own and ditch him.

I do find his behaviour very strange. Surely no one in their right mind would give him their equity. Have you any reason to think that he has ripped off or scammed any other girlfriends or other people in the past? Be very careful.

Do you know what his problem with the DoT is? It seems like this would be important for him, since you are already getting into shared asset territory as your money is part of what’s covering monthly mortgage payments. If you paid off a lump sum too you’d have even more of a claim on his house. It would require going to court for a ruling that you had acquired a right to the house, but you’d be almost certain to win. Does he not realise this? Would he be happy to just put you on the deeds so that it’s 50/50 if you put all your house money into the house together? Or does he really think it’s fair that you should put money into a house that he owns without getting any clear ownership?

I can sort of see why he’s annoyed if he’s been covering a lot of your expenses and now you have money, and the two of you had agreed that you would be paying off some of his mortgage, and suddenly you find reasons not to. But he also doesn’t seem to be concerned about your financial security - even though he’s managed to ensure his financial security isn’t as precarious.

Why was it his house you decided to live in together? You say you won’t have as much equity as him, but how equal is your financial situation more generally? Does he earn more or less? Are you paying towards bills equally? Are you building pensions equally?

It’s curious that he comes across to you as very generous, but he isn’t on board with ensuring your security. You talk about him covering some extra costs when you were trying to sell your house but pretty much lived with him - But why wouldn’t he if you were taking on the moving role? Surely it’s only fair to split the extra costs? You wouldn’t have been moving in that way if it wasn’t for him. Was his generosity over and above this?

Also, it’s probably occurred to you, but - be extra careful not to get pregnant while any of this is still up in the air. Someone who doesn’t think about ownership of assets while he owns them and you don’t, is not someone you want to have to rely on for that journey.

Why on earth are you selling but he's not?

Surely, you should both sell and buy somewhere together. Otherwise, he's using you for income. Being generous up front palls in comparison to a regular income.

Get your own house or get him to agree to sell and buy with you. Otherwise, you're the lodger he shags

Covering ad hoc costs for a time is NOTHING like you putting all your money into a mortgage without security - it is literally throwing your money in a bin fire.

You could lose every penny - and he knows that. He isn't stupid is he?

Sorry but - I have to come to the obvious conclusion - he does not want you getting any rights over the house you are now living in.

@helloballoon
So he wants his money to himself AND he wants your money too? He wants YOU to lower his mortgage payments by you paying a chunk off his mortgage but for YOU to have no legal equity in his property? No, no ,no OP. This isn't how a fair, loving & equal relationship works and you know that or you wouldn't be here.
If he will not give you proper legal protection by signing the legal stuff AND putting you on the mortgage then he doesn't value you does he?

Where did you see this relationship going in the future and how do you see it now? You can't possibly respect him now because he certainly doesn't respect you and he doesn't value you as an equal partner. Bet your fanny sealed up shut too at this development into meanness. You should probably make arrangements to find somewhere to live and soon because this type of behaviour lies on the path to abusive control OP and really rather quickly.

It does not really matter if they are married. If they divorce, is going to be divided anyway. If they stay married and phew ( for him and you ) they already are! - they live together and whoever goes first, the other will inherit. Not a big deal. Apparently they were/are in love

you shouldnt sell without a signed marriage paper

She’s been paying towards the mortgage since February