DP telling me I need to pay him a rent

Do it. For now until you can get out.

DO NOT PUT YOUR LUMP SUM TOWARDS HIS MORTGAGE.

I wouldn't trust your partner as far as I could throw him and if you pay this money to his mortgage, you are at risk of losing it.

I would also be looking for somewhere else to live.

In the 18 months prior did you pay any mortgage or rent costs or just a contribution to bills?

And he wants you to pay off his mortgage without him having to sign the legal document protecting your share.

He doesn't want you to have any claim to his house at all but wants you to pay a big chunk to it..... you've already made mortgage payments for 8 months.

Get a rental agreement signed up that you're both happy with via a solicitor and make plans to move out ASAP.

@Bigcat25
But it's him who owns! She doesn't own a house. They're not her costs.

The proposition is that OP uses her assets to buy HIS assets. Her assets go to nil, his increase by the value of everything she used to own.

What a scheming grifter he is. If I was willing to game my charms of pretty&sexy, I could pay off a couple of mortgages whilst not actually paying off any. Three or four relationships would do it. The world belongs to the shameless.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

He wants to stop sharing money and have our money separately with me paying half the bills and a rent

So not mortgage & rent?

I’d start house hunting

This.

And fast.

The answer is right there above your question. I wrote it out for those who don't get it.

I wouldn’t pay anything without a declaration of trust & as I said I wouldn’t have a man live rent free with me regardless of his assets. Neither of them are wrong to want to protect themselves.

She isn't currently paying a mortgage on his house - that's why he's asking her to pay rent.

Buy your own home and move out. I really don't think this will end well.

Does he want you to trust him enough to put equity in a house that's solely in his name? Whilst simultaneously not trusting you enough to put the house in both your names?

Protecting both of you legally isn't the same as a lack of trust. It's why people get married before having kids - legal benefits as well as a financial commitment.

If his feelings have changed as a result of sensible discussions there isn't much you can do I'm afraid

It's perfectly correct that you shouldn't use proceeds from the sale of your own house to pay off a chunk of his mortgage, which is in his name.

However, I also think that it's perfectly OK for him to ask you to pay some form of rent if you are living in his house.

Ultimately, I can see both sides of this, and I think maybe you both made a mistake by selling one property and moving into the other, rather than selling both properties and buying a place together. If you think you can get past your current disagreement, then I would suggest that's what you do for the future.

If you are paying towards the mortgage then what is the rent for??

I don’t think he’s asking for both, she didn’t use money to pay off the mortgage so now he wants a rental contribution, maybe I misunderstood though.

When I paid off my (then) DP’s mortgage, he absolutely insisted I take a legal charge over the property (like a private mortgage). That’s what your “D” P should be doing @helloballoon - if he cared about you, he’d want to ensure you’re protected. It’s not about trusting him or not trusting him. It’s about being aware of the very limited rights afforded a non married partner and the thorny laws around gifts and inheritance. If he was knocked over by a bus tomorrow and your money was tied into his property with no legal protection, his next of kin (who won’t be you) can take the lot. At the very least, you’ll end up with legal costs getting your money back, at the worst, you will lose it. My advice is to lose him.

You're being really naive and putting yourself financially at risk here OP. If the market moves faster than your saved equity grows, you could find yourself priced out. Don't leave it sitting in the bank while you wait for your boyfriend to pull his head out of his arse. Like many PP I definitely think you should buy another property in your own name. Now is a good time with prices and interest rates lower than they have been for several years.

Given your differences of opinion here you probably need to be having some serious conversations about what you future financial commitment looks like. What if you have DC? Will he expect to contribute to mat leave/childcare etc or will that all be on you? Thrash ot out to identify any deal breakers. At least then you'll know if the relationship is a go-er or not.

You are mad to put up with this. You are already paying a mortgage on a house that he can kick you out of at any time with now notice! You have no security at all. Paying off his mortgage but not going on the deeds is also a really silly thing to do. You really need to think this though, the fact that he won’t have a proper calm discussion with you about it just proves how selfish he is

If you are paying towards the mortgage then what is the rent for??

Well this sounds healthy 😬

Sorry OP but he doesn't want to commit to you. He's in the position of strength and wants to keep it that way.

Stop giving him money towards the mortgage if you aren’t getting anything back from it.

When my partner moved in with me we agreed he’d contribute to half of the monthly mortgage payment as he wasn’t able to get a lump sum together (he used to live abroad for a long time and was renting for a couple of years before we met) to buy his way in to the mortgage and I wasn’t due to remortgage for a little while. Come remortgage time I’ve added him on as he has been paying his dues since moving in and now it’s our mortgage on our property as we contribute equally. We’ve not sorted our joint account yet so he continues to send me his half of all the bills every month as they come out of my account. If that’s not what your partner is wanting to do then I’d be concerned and look to secure my own property and stop paying him as others have said. You’ve been reasonable and practicable trying to arrange things and he’s not interested.

Buy a house/flat for yourself with your money & mortgage and move out into it.
Both of you manage your own money separately and have your own assets.

NEVER hand over your hard earned money to someone else without a clear legal agreement in place.

Am I understanding correctly OP - you already pay the mortgage payment. So he wants you to do that AND pay rent?

There's also a lot of sunk costs in owning. Mortgage interest, insurance, property tax, maintenance etc. Op can get interest from investments. They could just split bills, or she could pay a small amount of rent. Obviously his communication style is an issue.

The answer is right there above your question. I wrote it out for those who don't get it.

Well, I wouldn't pay your mortgage for you and most men wouldn't either. In my experience, the one's who have money to spare, are wise enough not to do that sort of stupid thing.
You don't have to move anyone in.

As it stands, I own my home and if (I doubt it) I ever was to co-habit, the rule number one would be NO rent payments. That one asset would never be a part of any relationship.