DP telling me I need to pay him a rent

Buy a new place. Move into it. He's shown you what he is really like.

@TomatoSandwiches again I never said she should pay market rent…and I agreed with the poster who said it doesn’t seem like the relationship will work.

The thing which stands out for me is that he was happy for op to pay a lump sum of mortgage until she correctly insisted on legal paperwork.

he wanted his cake and to eat it. Once he realised op was protecting herself he wasn’t interested. He’s not committed.

the rest is irrelevant

I put YANBU because you are a good person although I think in a way YABU in that you have given too much to this user who I think intends to milk you for every penny he can.

I don’t agree that you are both fully committed to each other- he seems to want to keep his money and assets as his, but also get all your money towards his asset (his house). The agreement you’d pay off his mortgage with your equity gave me cold chills. Thank God interest rates are where they are! That one thing has literally saved you from losing all your life savings.

You are not married so whatever money you give him towards his house, becomes his money.

I wouldn’t have sold your house. Bit of a mistake. I’d keep that money separate and invest it by either putting it in a pension or buying a property to rent out- so you have a place to go when you realise what a shit he is.
Do not give him any.

If he were committed and wanted separate finances, he would have signed the declaration of trust. He isn’t signing it because it probably says what equity you would have in the house and he wants it to stay zero. He also hasn’t said anything about changing the deeds to you two being tenants in common.

He wants his money to be his, and as much of your money that he can winkle out of you to also be his.

Id run as far as I can from him.

This. Every time I read posts like this I despair and wish schools did proper financial education. How can you even consider paying towards a mortgage on a property your name isn't on. Thank god you didn't pay a lump sum. He needs an ultimatum, either he signs the deed of trust and adds you to the deeds of house/ mortgage with a % share representative of what you are paying towards it, or you need to move out and buy your own place. Or you stop paying towards the mortgage, and just pay towards shared bills, in which case you should try and buy your own place anyway, as an investment. I couldn't be with a man who has this little respect for you. He is taking you for an absolute ride. The idea of paying "rent" to him is not comparable to renting your own place, as when you do that, you have some protection in terms of a tenancy.

Not market rent though.

Tbh it seems redundant anyway, he clearly has issues about op protecting her assets once merged with his own.
It won't end well even if they take a step back and try to stay together.

😆😆😆😆

You forgot the big pile of 🍒 that the OP is sitting on after she sells her 🍎

OP should imo be paying 50% of bills and a rent payment that covers, at the minimum, 50% of mortgage interest.

e.g. if the guy's mortgage is say £150k, with a 20 year term and 5% interest rate, a monthly payment on a repayment mortgage would be around £1k. with interest only it'd be more like £600. OP should be paying at least half the interest portion, ie half of the £600, ie £300. this is the bare minimum.

asking her to pay more than that would start to get a bit more dubious because she'd be actually part paying off the mortgage of an asset that she'd not have any claim on. a partial counter to this might be that she's presumably/hopefully making a return somewhere on her savings, which she's presumably not sharing with her partner. in a sense the ability to live in a property is a big part of the return on her partner's investment in his property, which he would be sharing with OP. so there's perhaps an argument that OP should be paying a little more than £300pm in this example. but not just giving away a large gift for no reason, that'd be manifestly unfair.

i didn't really understand op saying that she pays "the mortgage". if she means every last penny of the monthly payments then that's overly generous imo.

I would say bills and rent are separate.

Same but you mentioned rent was fine which is what I have been saying.

Why don't people RTFT.
The op DOES pay towards the mortgage

I don't think that's OPs issue!!!

She's been paying him money and was about to pay a lump sum off his mortgage! The issue is that now she wants a Declaration of Trust drawn up to protect her money (and rightly so!) he's backtracked and now says he wants to split finances and essentially treat her as a tenant! Despite being 5 years into a relationship!

So as @helloballoon is quite rightly saying, this feels like a backwards step and why should she keep sinking money into a property which she has absolutely no stake in and he won't even allow her to protect the money she was going to pay into it?!

I would say bills and rent are separate.

Half of the bills and if he gets a single person discount on CT then she can pay the 25% extra it usually is and a nominal rent but much less than half the cost of a mortgage payment.

That to me would be fair.

The simplest answer would be for him to accept the deed of trust, ie the money she pays off his mortgage is protected - but he won't.
He thinks she should just hand it over and trust him.
By the way, I would want any money I paid off as a percentage, not a lump sum to be returned as is in 5 years or whatever.

Maybe this could help, like it did in the primary school:

OP has apples 🍎🍎🍎🍎
Boyfriend has pears 🍐🍐🍐🍐
Together they eat oranges 🍊🍊🍊🍊

OP sells her apples and buys pears for the boyfriend and some oranges for the both of them. Now:

OP has 🖕
Boyfriend has 🍐🍐🍐🍐🍐🍐
Together they have 🍊🍊🍊🍊🍊🍊

Boyfriend kicks OP out or OP leaves an intolerable relationship. Now:

OP has 🖕+🍊🍊🍊
Boyfriend has 🍊🍊🍊+🍐🍐🍐🍐🍐🍐
Together they have 🖕

Dunno what's "fair" but those are the maths 😆

Also OP - maybe he has been generous, but paying towards someone else's assets like this is different. I bet he bloody well knows that, which is making me wonder why he was financially generous to you in the first place.

This. I know it was in the spirit of generosity, but you shouldn't be paying off someone else's mortgage from your own house sale, when you're not on the deeds!!!

@TomatoSandwiches where did I say she should pay off some his mortgage? she absolutely shouldn’t…

If he wants to now backtrack and split finances, have her pay rent instead then fine,

Perhaps this is the misunderstanding as you appear to agree with me. I would class rent as a contribution to housing costs, what would you call it?

Run run run. No reasonable person would expect you to put your entire property savings into a property you have no rights to. There is something extremely odd in his expectations and anger, and it really isn't worth hanging around just to find out what exactly it is.

He’s not committed to you, only to your money.

If you were a committed partnership then you would have both names on the mortgage/house (50/50) and the money in a joint bank account and 100% shared finances.

As it stands you’re just shag-buddies who live together.

I can see his point. I wouldn't move a bloke into my house and let him live there without paying towards the mortgage. I think paying a contributory sum of money - call it rent if you like - is entirely fair.

Move out.
And ditch him.

If op didn't want to put her f on the deeds they would advise her to take payment for bills.

If op wanted her bf to pay a chunk of her mortgage off they would say it's unfair to not agree to him having his share legally protected.

Ops bf wants her to pay off a chunk of his mortgage with no protection for her..... it doesn't matter what sex they are in any scenario this is unfair.

If he wants to now backtrack and split finances, have her pay rent instead then fine, but she shouldn't be paying towards his mortgage.

From the OPs original post . “I sold my house which completed in February this year. I made some money from mine so we agreed that I would pay this off his mortgage. When we looked into this further we realised he was on a very good fixed rate deal so would be stupid to re-mortgage, this is where the issues have started. I was reluctant to pay the money off the mortgage which would remain in his name as I was worried if anything ever happened to him then I would have nothing. He has took this as me not being committed to the relationship and not trusting him. I have tried to explain that it’s not about that at all it’s about me having some security.”

The profit has only been put aside because the timing to pay it off his mortgage didn’t quite work.

Me and my OH bought a house this year. I had equity from a previous property. We signed a declaration of trust to recognise i had a larger deposit. Irrelevant unless we split and sell the house.

OH happy to sign as he understood I needed a back up plan if we split.

Your OH wants your money OP. Sorry. Get out now.