Husband said I was too mentally unstable to give birth without an epidural

I’m presuming there is some sort of back story to this or are these claims of mental instability just coming out of the blue at the birth? I dont really see the link between the two - what has mental stability got to with pain relief or not? What is his point?

This is probably one of the biggest red flags I have ever seen mentioned on here. Out of interest OP does he criticize how you are caring for the baby too?

I really hope you can escape this abusive marriage/partnership, and it is abuse he is giving you of the most offensive and destructive kind. I hope you have people around you who can support you while you unravel yourself and your baby from this excuse for a man.

God no. End it now before any more children appear. He’s not destined to change, ever. Get yourself a happy outcome and sort maintenance payments. He sounds nasty so don’t tell him any of this just do it.

I was thinking exactly the same. Does he say things like this to you often? I'm so sorry you didn't get the support you needed, but rest assured you are anything but a failure.

This sounds like an incredibly abusive and controlling relationship OP, just from your first post.

The fact that you were on Day 2 of induction without pain relief shows that you are made of tough stuff.

I was SCREAMING for an epidural by half of that time. Don't listen to your ignorant ass husband.

If he'd said because I don't want you to suffer it would appear caring but to suggest MH reasons is odd and the doctors/midwives would be the ones fit to judge a patients mental stability.

If he just sat watching you rather than offer any support perhaps he was wanting you to accept whatever options would make the birth easier for him to deal with.

Mother & baby made it through birth safe, it doesn't really matter by which method baby arrives. It's just sad that you felt unsupported while vulnerable and therefore decisions didn't feel fully considered as your choice, rather than it being the wrong decision. It's likely easier to focus on that specific thing which you have some control as can accept blame yourself rather than look too deeply at your relationship as a whole.

I was wondering if the op also suffered from things like anxiety/depression, and what the obvious cause would be

In my opinion men should have no opinion on giving birth options. They don't have to go through it so actually have no idea what it is like.

You use the word fail....but I'm guessing this is your DH's opinion not truly yours. No women ever fails to give birth no matter what the method. You may regret the c-section but failing isn't what you did.

The fact you had an induction over several days without pain relief (I assume so from your comment about being immune) is mind blowing to me! I'd had an induction and natural labour (both with limited pain relief for various reasons) and by far the induction was the most painful as you are forcing your body when it doesn't think it is ready. Just because you opted to end with a c-section doesn't take away from your experience. Every women choices her own path and without support it would be extremely difficult to go through a several day inductions without it. Being mentally unstable has absolutely nothing to do with that.

I'd seriously be rethinking my relationship if that was my DH opinion of the situation.

Too mentally unstable to be in pain for a few hours, but not too mentally unstable to be pregnant and possibly in pain for 9 months, immediately followed by the most intense and difficult period of life for most people, adjusting to a new baby on little to no sleep, immediately followed by a lifetime of responsibility caring for said baby.

He sounds like a twat. Mental instability has pretty much nothing at all to do with giving birth, I genuinely don't know what he's talking about.

I'd also be pissed off and bitter months later, but I'm probably not the person you want to compare to lol (I'm Miss Bitter and Vengeful on a medium day)

What is he like the rest of the time? Side note - you absolutely could do this on your own, you know that right? If he isn't helping, he's hindering. Try not to show him signs of weakness or instability if you can help it, although we're only human, he sounds like the type to play the "she's unstable, I need custody" card if/when (praying hands) you split

The relationship is dead OP. You clearly hate him and he has zero respect and support for you.

Get your finances and employment in place and focus on your baby

OP, echoing others - you did not fail in any way - and congratulations on giving birth to your beautiful baby.

Your husband sounds cruel and manipulative.

My advice is to try and make friends and develop a support network - mother and baby groups are a great first step, and also to have this conversation with your health visitor. It may also help you to ask the hospital for a birth debrief (without your husband being present) so you can more clearly understand what happened.

Giving birth isn’t some sort of endurance sport where you win a prize for enduring as much pain as possible. You carried and gave birth to a (presumably) heathy baby and lived to tell the tale. That sounds like a success, not failure, to me.

Your husband is the failure. His one job during your birth was to be your birthing partner. To be there to support you, to advocate for you, to kiss you, to hug you, to help you make decisions, to cry on, to mop your brow, to wait on you. It doesn’t sound like he did any of those things. He is the failure, not you.

This is not how a husband supports his wife when she is in labour and post birth. I’m sorry. I hope you’re ok and send you my best wishes

Your husband said you were MENTALLY UNSTABLE because you were in pain during labour? As in, he literally used those words??

Fucking hell.

Honestly, he sounds like a complete shit.

I'm so sorry.

You didn't 'fail' anything. The only failure here is your husband - he utterly failed to support you, you'd have coped better without him in the room.

Said by a man who will never give birth and knows nothing about it. He sounds awful. And his comment doesn't reflect badly on you at all and just shows him to be an idiot. Unless this one comment is completely out of character for him (which it doesn't sound like), I couldn't be with someone who said things like that to me.

He's not on your team, you need to act on this information

Yeah. My bet too.

At your most vulnerable, when you needed his support, he failed you. That is so hurtful. I have a low opinion of any man who makes pronouncements around labour, epidurals, breastfeeding etc, acting as if they know best. Considering you were induced, it makes it all much harder. You did brilliantly. You need to have it out with him on this one and he needs to completely atone IMHO.

He sounds highly abusive. And a twat to boot. No way of giving birth to a baby is wrong and he should have been more supportive. Id leave him personally.

OP, long term you need to plan to get rid of this awful man
short-term you need to look after yourself

He's a twat

C section isn't a failure though so I voted you're unreasonable for phrasing it that way

Highly offensive to all of us that chose that option

Why do we fetishize vaginal birth?
What is the point of suffering, does it achieve anything?
What does it prove?

The whole thing is bollocks, as long as you both get through the birth OK, who cares how?

And why does any man think his opinion has even the tiniest bit of relevance?

Why does any man feel entitled to judge women's birth choices?

Tell him to fuck off.

@csectiondepression I’m sorry you are feeling so sad and bullied.

I would suggest asking the hospital for a birth debrief. It’s a very common request to go through your medical records and make sense of what happened.

In many years of midwifery practice I’ve never come across a CS being performed because’mum is being a bit pathetic and fed up’. It strikes me that this is the narrative your H is feeding you and you have accepted it.

In reality it seems far more likely that you endured hours of painful contractions without analgesia and your body wasn’t responding to those drugs making CS the safe medical choice for delivery of your child. You didn’t make that decision, the medical team did..they are the ones who might need to stand up in court to defend that decision. ‘Mum was being feeble’ doesn’t cut it on surgical decisions.

Please do consider doing this and also getting more support from your GP/ HV/ friends and family. H sounds very unpleasant and possibly abusive and you don’t deserve that.

Best wishes.💐

The red flags are flapping in the wind. If he wasn’t like this pre baby, watch out as this might be the beginning of emotional abuse.
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