Husband said I was too mentally unstable to give birth without an epidural

Wow, he sounds horrible OP. You are giving birth to his child, which you’ve carried for 9 months and this is how he treats you?!

Is this your first child? How has he been since the birth does he do his fair share?

Do not think anything wrong about having a c-section, your carried and delivered a baby safely. You’re doing great.

Oh… Tell him to shit a melon with no pain relief then call him mentally unstable while you watch.

Erm I take my hat off to you for having an induction and just HAVING A BABY. That’s mega. The way the baby came out of your body is irrelevant- let go of your baggage on this. YOU DID IT. End of. Well done & congratulations.

Secondly - you are in the absolute thick of raging hormones right about now. Be kinder to yourself. Forget your useless partners’ lack of support at the birth. You did it anyway - a complete success despite no support! Everyone is alive and well- that’s Victory in life and done by you.
Tell your partner you felt let down and you’re drawing a line under it from now- then tell him what you need from him. Time, a walk a day, a full nights sleep- whatever it is, be very matter of fact about it. Then hold him to that. There will be many other times through your journey as parents that you disagree or don’t feel in sync. It doesn’t matter- decide what your red lines are and focus only on the basics, some things you have to let go.

Enjoy your beautiful baby and the fact you did it! Xx

ps) I say all this assuming your relationship is generally good - if he is verbally undermining you or abusive in any way please tell somebody in real life. x

Firstly, no, you were not depressed. You were in labour, that's very painful!
Second, you have made the right decision for yourself and baby by having a c- section
Third, if he makes you feel like an animal in a zoo, then please do not stay in this relationship.

You are stronger without him.

Watching your partner being in pain and not offering support or comfort is beyond cruel. So leave asap.

He sounds nasty and controlling, I'm guessing he has that trait of putting other people down to boost his ego?
But on the birth side of things, they won't usually give a c section just because it's painful, they would've at least tried diamorphine etc first. Are you sure it wasn't actually that they agreed to it because you weren't progressing after so long?

I didn't even manage to get them to give me more than gas and air when I wasn't handling the pain, I definitely can't imagine them doing a c section purely for pain reasons.

I would try to focus on that as it sounds likely that you would have had a c section regardless.

What time did he say this? He sounds unkind.

You are amazing. You carried and birthed a beautiful baby without any support. I was also induced and the second they told me I'd be on the drip I demanded an epidural before they even started. You are so strong and you didn't give up by having a section - you and your medical team made the best decision for yourself and your baby.

Obviously, your husband was/is completely unreasonable. You know this, and what you decide to do is up to you.

Might you be alone when the midwife visits OP? Has he any way of hearing what goes on in your home?

I had a drip induction with no pain relief or epidural and I was honestly doolally with the pain of it. I thought I was going to die. It was my second as well. My first wasn’t an induction. With my second on the drip I begged them for a c section but was too far along. Don’t feel a failure. Your husband’s sounds an idiot. Induction births on the drip are a totally different beast to normal natural births ime.

No uterus, no opinion. ( pinched from Friends)

Seriously, you’ve grown, nurtured and birthed a baby…….and he sat and watched?

Please talk to someone irl, a trusted friend or family member, your health visitor, your GP. He’s the one in the wrong here and his behaviour is seriously abnormal.

You don't have to have your husband there. I didn't for my second because he was also useless during my first labour. My second was such a different experience and the midwives were incredibly supportive. We are now divorced because it turns out he was useless at most things related to his children.

The only thing you should regret is being with such an inhuman man. I had an emergency section and my husband was so supportive. He's still a bit traumatised seeing me go through what I did, he tells me how strong I was and how he wishes women didn't have to bear the brunt. He did all the housework while I recovered, waiting on me hand and foot essentially. I'm so sad for you, and even sadder that this isn't the first post about lack of support after birth I've read and felt compelled to comment on.

I don't know what to say other than are you sure you want to be with him long term, it sounds like he's not lifting you up or supporting you, what does he add to your life?

Babe, get some help from someone like women's aid. It's not you. It's him. Just what he said show he is the problem.

I speak from experience both as someone who has had an induction and someone who has looked after women induced and it's very difficult to get through an induced labour without an epidural. It's completely different to a spontaneous labour, a lot more intense and painful. You have absolutely nothing to feel bad about from a birthing perspective, a c section is a completely valid form of childbirth and nothing to be ashamed of. In terms of your husband, I'm sorry he treated you like that. Is this a pattern of behaviour? If so, is it a pattern you want yourself and child around?

To be honest, I think a lot of men secretly think women are ridiculous or weak - it is well established that womens pain is treated differently to mens reports of pain. Its internalized misogyny.

We should do research on how arseholes like this respond to pain. The nation needs it.

His behaviour isn't normal. What person sits and does nothing whilst their partner is in labour?
Your response to it (feeling stressed/depressed/anxious) is a completely normal response. He sounds ridiculous. Did he think you giving birth was an olympic event? Was he planning on holding up cards with numbers on to rate your performance? If he can't do the bare minimum at one of the most physically and mentally challenging events of your life (as in, offer any kind of encouragement I stead of increasing your stress levels) then what is the point of him? Seriously, please get rid. He sounds broken. Take him back to the shop.

He seems to have confused giving birth with a spectator sport.

The failure isn't yours.

Just curious as to why he said you were 'mentally unstable'? What grounds does he have to say this?

This is such a common time for abuse to start. Of course birth is painful and even if you're tough and calm enough to get through a short labour, after a few days almost everyone would be ground down.

I bet he's a right whiney mess when he's in pain. Arseholes like this always are.

This. You'd be better off without him.

Oh lovely I think he is so controlling you don’t see how awful this is. You are a super woman going through induction with no pain relief. A c-section isn’t failing and harder to recover from. You green and birthed an actual human being and that’s amazing!

You'd only be mentally unstable to allow him to hang around.

I felt my blood run cold when I read that. You have done an amazing thing, carrying a baby, giving birth (the method is irrelevant, you have brought new life into the world) and are now nurturing and caring for your little one. That he seems to see you as an adjunct of his life to control and order about is chilling. Do you have friends or family that you can talk to irl to help you work out how to get the life you deserve

You didn’t fail. You had a baby. You’re still alive and you recovered from surgery.

is your husband aware that contractions need oxytocin aka love hormone to work and by being a gaslighting bully weirdo you’re not really going to hit that zen!

there’s no guarantee baby would have engaged for vaginal birth anyway. I think maybe get some counselling around it if you feel your wishes were ignored coz that can contribute to PND and PTSD I think.

Have you looked into Ehlers Danlos Syndrome - local anaesthetic is one of the side effects of the collagen issues.

Btw your oh sounds like a knob.