Husband said I was too mentally unstable to give birth without an epidural

my DD gave birth without pain meds! it wasnt her choice... it was too fast, and i think she was a warrior... she now has PTSD because she actually thought she was going to die!

No idea, but a fairly recent poster based in Japan was worried about her imminent birth experience...

Good grief, is Japan like that?!

What exactly did he say?

I'm wondering if there's any discrepancy between what he actually said and how you interpreted what he said. You were in pain, nervous and feeling like you were failing. I'm wondering if those thoughts might have coloured your judgement a little.

OP, are you in Japan? This sounds familiar

That all sounds horrific, and you've done amazingly. There's no failure here on your part at all.

It sounds familiar, did you post about being worried about the country you're in and the vastly different medical care in labour when you were pregnant? Having to be quiet, no meds etc?

He’s a cunt

Well he is a massive arsehole then, isnt he ?

Ask him if wants noro virus level stomach pains for hours followed by a skin burn streach so forceful on his Penis that it splits his skin in two needing to be stiched back up. Without pain relief.

When he's given birth successfully he gets to have an opinion on it.

Until then he's just an opinionated gobshite who is fucking rude. Get rid of him - you'll be much more mentally stable without being tied to a prick like this.

@monopolykimmage this was back in the early 90s!

The main reason I remember is the massive tantrums he would throw if 'one of his mums' hadn't got an epidural quick enough.

So when are you leaving him.

cos I’ll bet this is just the tip of the iceberg

mine was she doesn’t need this and that it’s labour it’s easy and I grabbed him and told him to fuck off out of the delivery room I didn’t need him there being a twat. He refused till the matron came and told him to get out
He had to be escorted by security because he made a bloody fuss about his rights.he was told he had no rights whilst screaming he did.

i went to my aunts after the birth which was a C Section in the end. Mother (me) and baby alive

Please make sure you stay in touch with friends and family.
His sort will try and alienate you from anyone who will bolster you up and he'll try his hardest to crash your self esteem.
A c-section is no failure though, you need to keep telling yourself that although the birth didn't go to your plan, the end result is the same, a beautiful baby.

I did it without epidural - it wasn’t routinely offered in 2000. Labour comes on harder and faster, so the midwife told me, but I coped ok - because I have a great DH.

OP, yours is useless. I’ve heard of these idiots - the ones who critique their partners and give out that they’re an expert. If I ever meet one in real life and he treats me to a discussion of his wife’s inadequacies in the birthing room he will soon regret it.

But please try to get past the c section regret. My DS2 was born by section. It didn’t take me too long to realise there are pros as well as cons - you delivered safely and had a healthy baby.

There's something very wrong with him if he just watched, and didn't feel the need to help or comfort you in any way. It's like he was finding your pain fascinating instead of upsetting.
As a PP said, this looks like the beginning of emotional abuse by him. Please get some support. Your health visitor should be able to help.

Wonderful man. I'm still bitter about the hospital policy - which would have hurt every woman who had a fast induced labour.

I felt so stupid, because I said it was likely I would deliver fast! The midwife cut me off and kept on typing her notes.

"familiarity breeds contempt"
Never live with anyone, that's my solution now!
(I appreciate that is far from ideal when you are parents of young children)

I did Obstetrics years and years ago and the male Obstetrician would insist if you had induction, you had an epidural as otherwise it was too painful.

Years of Mumsnetting I can see a few women get lucky and are OK without but basically induction contractions are usually awful and he had a point.

@TeaGinandFags “He's doing this because he enjoys hurting you. The psychological term is cunt.”

I love this analogy!!

Yes I genuinely do, I really feel for some posters on here who are treated so badly. it makes me despair as a newly single person too.

He sounds a right prince!

He's doing this because he enjoys hurting you. The psychological term is cunt.

Tell your HV what you're going through and speak with Women's Aid, they're mustard in these situations. Consider doing the Freedom Program.

As for failing: you were a heroine and put up with more pain than any of us. A CS is a medical emergency and not a failure. Don't let anyone say otherwise!

Take care of yourself and your little one. (And consider a new patio.)💐

Does anyone else read posts on here and feel sorry for all the people married to people who clearly despise them? I didn’t realise it was so common

I chose never to have kids so I don't know/understand about C-sections etc. but your hubby ... dump him as fast as you can.

It's your body that was pregnant and birthing, not his, so he has absolutely no right at all to tell you how to do it!

I had an induction and birth without epidural because delivery happened too fast. It was hell. I knew it would be painful and asked for the epidural to go in first before the hormones, but that wasn't 'policy'.

It was so painful that I hallucinated, and decided immediately that I would never have another. If I could have had a CS, I would have.

DP was very supportive, though. I'm so sorry your husband is so ignorant.

Congratulations on delivering a healthy baby after induction - people have no idea how intense and painful it is. Enjoy the small baby period - it flies!