@Sunshineafterthehail
@Duckswaddle
@Olika
@pikkumyy77
I want to say thank you because my husband didn't realize that his words and behavior were affecting my mental health, and I used this thread to show him that while I wasn't stable during pregnancy (my bulimia returned when morning sickness kicked in) - that negative treatment makes the situation worse, not better.
He argued with his dad a lot growing up (mother abandoned them - his dad raised 3 kids alone while working full time), then work and now me. Because I'm his first serious partner he didn't realize that he's an aggressive person, and just this weekend when he started to argue he realized what he was dong and stopped it. Rest of the day was great! So finally some improvement.
@TipsyJoker @CountryMumof4 My husband took 3 months of paternity leave and has been an ideal father. If I ever divorce and leave Japan she'll stay here with him and I'll return to the UK, teach and send money back, but truth is we've only managed the last 3 months through partnership. He does the last feed so I can sleep, I do the morning one. Our little girl sits between us and doesn't know where to shine her smile next. He's changed more poopy nappies than me, but I do her baths. I just don't know how to be a single mum, and him a single dad.
As a dad, he's incredible. Brushes her hair, cuts her nails. As a husband, yeah. That's the snag. We sleep on the floor in Japan, put babies, everything on the floor. A few days after a c-section and I was bending somewhere between 20 to 50 times a day. It felt like my insides were going to fall out from pain, and I'll never forgive him for going to sleep and ignoring that. He cooked nothing - because he didn't need food. I'd lost 1.6 litres of blood, had anemia so severely I lost a week of memory (including meeting my daughter day after she was born), and we want a second but, you all understand why I've said no.
He looked up vbac for me but that doesn't solve anything because:
- rarely allowed in Japan
- A first time vaginal birth is very different from a second time
- I've lost all sensation in my stomach, so a vbac doesn't cure that
- I'll likely need induction a second time
Anyone ask about returning to the UK, NHS is VERY expensive for ex-pats so it's not an option
I (maybe unfairly) blame him for my c-section, as I believe if he'd supported me I wouldn't have given up and had a c-section.
As said, I'm immune to LA which the doctors didn't believe until I wiggled all over the table unable to cut me open. At which point they
CALLED MY HUSBAND FOR PERMISSION TO GIVE ME GA TO CUT ME OPEN
He gave HIS permission, and then they did. I asked him, what if you said no?
"You'd have screamed alot"
What a fucking. fucked up country. No one tell me I'm catastrophizing on mumsnet again, giving birth here was worse than I predicted!
Daughter is a little princess though, and time is a healer. We're 3 months on now so mainly I want to say thank you to everyone for your support.