Husband didn't tell me

It can’t be done by him. He’s been chronically lying to her for years and probably throwing away her fertile years while lying himself blue about how much he’d like a baby too.

That's true, I never lied to anyone about my weekend antics.
But I met someone at 28 who made it clear that my behaviour wouldn't be tolerated if we were to have a relationship so I made that positive change and thank Christ I did!

It can’t be done by him. He’s been chronically lying to her for years and probably throwing away her fertile years while lying himself blue about how much he’d like a baby too.

In my 20's ALL of my friends and extended social group took recreational drugs, every weekend without fail.

I stopped at 28 and to do so, I had to lose ALL those friends. I kept one because she did the same as me at the same time.

If your husband has finally realised he wants to grow up, he can turn this around and cut them all off and start a fresh, literally.

It can be done and people shouldn't assume that once you've used drugs regularly socially that you won't ever change, lots of people do. But I know that most of my old mates still live that life.

What would you like to happen?

In my opinion (from hard and emotionally draining experience!).

Men who habitually take drugs with their mates are not likely to stop, no matter how many times they promise you. This is because it’s normal in their social group (so what’ll happen is it’ll only be when they’re out in that social group). They don’t see it as wrong, but I’m sure soberly do mean all the promises to not do it. Because soberly it’s not a big deal to not do it - but drunkenly they revert back to the ‘norm’ because that’s basically what alcohol does to you.

I would never take drugs when I’m drunk and my inhibitions are lowered because I don’t take drugs and never have.

I fell into this trap with an ex and it was just painful for both - that is what I learned. I also watched 2 close friends really struggle with their husbands when they decided (the women) it was time to settle down, ‘grow up’ etc and while the men were on board with all of that, every time they went out the drugs still happened because it was just ‘what they did’.

The drug taking hasn’t destroyed your relationship, 15 years of lying to you has. I’m really sorry.

OP did you know that most people who are married to alcoholics / people who struggle with a lcohol come from households where their parents also struggled.
The kids struggled when they were young in a dysfunctional household and then they say "it will never happen to me".
Then MOST of them go on to be an alcoholic or marry one.
Its sad. It's like the can't break the cycle.
Read the book 'it will never happen to ME'.
I honestly think he's drinking is just going to get worse
I wouldn't put a baby through having a dad who struggles with his alcohol intake.
And I know you're going to say 'hes not an alcaholic'.
If the alcohol cause issues in his life and with his relationships, he IS!
Read the book, really do, it's very insightful!

That’s enough. Back off.

OP, try to speak to him without judgement to get the full story. If he has had a fit and was left unconscious the likelihood is he got the fright of his life. The insomnia makes me think that he has taken something though.

No that's not normal

I admit to not having read every page, the advice so far has been what I would expect to see (basically give your head a wobble OP) - my thoughts were about the fit, does he drive? Has he seen a Dr? Imagine if you have a child with this man and he has another fit whilst driving them, imagine that OP if you are thinking of his behaviour and deciding to stick around.

DH’s first wife was an alcoholic and very quickly drank herself to death. Drink was her absolute priority. Their home life was wrecked. She stopped looking after the home, stopped working (= 1 whole wage lost), drank a bottle of spirits a day and smoked more then one pack of cigarettes a day. The cost was massive. She died, still drinking. These people have to be ditched or you will get dragged down with them.

It sounds like he’s been pretending to curb his urge when he’s had a drink. & that he’s been lying to you, obviously because he knew it’s a deal breaker he’s hidden it. You don’t usually have a seizure, depends on himself though, how much, his body and everything - it sounds like a lot of lies.

Don’t settle for someone who is lying to you about something that’s so important to you ! It’s clearly not important to him, he’s not right for you.

"If drinking was out of the equation we wouldn't have any issues "
JFC. Just listen to yourself 😡

He's not fit to be a father. You'd be a fool to have a child with him

Wow OP. It’s not the drugs. I could not care less if someone takes drugs. But to lie to you for over a decade. The relationship has to end. How can you trust him now?

Sorry, OP, just saw your update

Honestly, if he's been using for years, you're better to know that. This may be your rock bottom, but brighter days ahead. Good luck

If you don't trust him, it's not a good relationship

Sorry, I know it's hard when you've invested do much time in a relationship, but do you want to be with someone who uses cocaine?

To have a ‘no drugs agreement’ is a red flag in itself. You should not need a ‘ no drugs agreement.’

Walk away with your head held high. If you want children that man cannot be the father, no child wants a druggie for a dad. Never ever believe a word he says again.

As @Itsamountainof writes Men stick together "...even if they think another man's behaviour is utterly abhorrent they seem to struggle to call it out and they certainly won't ever tell tales."

Sadly soo true.
My DH would be an example.
He'd never say anything.
Bad things happen because good people say do nothing.

🌺
yes. 😊And they often steer clear of anything ‘emotional’. That’s what football
is for. 🙄
😀

They certainly do, even if they think another mans behaviour is abhorrent they seem to struggle to call it out it and they certainly won't ever tell tales.

Probably not. Men stick together.

Then take that agreement which came from a place of love and care and shine a harsh light in it. He has been dishonest, deceitful and disrespectful. You are worth so much more.

please take care of yourself and many congratulations on your promotion.

You deserve better and you know it

We have a no drugs agreement in our relationship and I asked him not to before he went away as they are quite a druggy crowd
From OP

If you have had sex since he came home from the stag, I would get yourself to the sexual heath clinic ASAP.

Have a great future without this millstone OP.