To not want partner's friends/family in my home

He will only do this when we are able to purchase a property in both our names.

That's not going to happen is it. He's got a council place, you've got a HA place, the relationship is up and down already, and he's an arse in several ways. Both of you should be hanging onto your secure rentals and forget about any pretence of planning to live together. It wouldn't happen without fraud and you want your own space anyway.

Honestly you can do better. You can afford to rent a house alone anyway so your not tied to him financially. Are your morals really that low that you see a guy who is happy to commit fraud is your best chance in happiness. I couldn't be with someone like this. Seriously get rid!

YANBU and I wouldn’t get any further into this relationship if it’s up and down now.
Also if there’s any drug use ( if, not saying there is) or anti social behaviour from these people at your house it comes down on you as the tenant. At worst you could be evicted for breaking the terms of your tenancy.

He’s taking you for a ride! Dump him.

I understand why he doesn’t want to give his council flat up. Housing for single males is hard to get. Sounds like the flats more important to him than you/buying a house together. Id tell him straight about the visitors. Hes being a right CF! I wonder if hes told them the house is both of yours? Anyhow, i hope he doesnt have a key?

It’s not his house, he doesn’t live there, he doesn’t have the right to invite people round. Tell him so.

YANBU but it doesn’t seem like a relationship or partnership

We have been together for 5 years which has been very up and down

My guess is that when you say 'very up and down' you mean that he treats you like shit interspersed with occasional moments where he claims to love you.

Honestly, he sounds fucking awful. He has his own flat and he can invite his mates there. Your home isn't his home and he shouldn't be using it like some kind of cafe-bar to meet up with his friends and family.

I fail to understand why you are with him in the first place. Just end it.

You are not unreasonable but I do think you need to consider whether the two of you are compatible living together. He likes an open house and you don’t.

Hang on. You’re not invited to spend time with his friends but he wants to use your facilities to entertain them at your place? It’s a nope from me.

Have you given him a key?

I don't like the sound of him! You're not invited to events he goes to but you're expected to have these people to your place when your boyfriend has a place of his own? No way.

I'd be reconsidering things, tbh.

Partner? Almost a friend + Sex.
Back to the apps OP. Better Luck next time

There's not much mutual partnership going on here. He likes things on his own terms for his own benefit and doesn't care much about the impact on others.

He's chosen to retain his flat, therefore that's his home for his social life. It's strange that 5 years in, your social and family lives are not more integrated.

You have your mind on moving closer as a partnership in the future. He's happy with his own life. These do not sound like compatible directions for a happy relationship long term.

The risk is that you can waste years of your life on him hoping for a future together while he keeps stalling on distant promises, and suddenly he'll find an alternative offer, change direction and leave you with little to show for the years together.

It’s a hard no from me.

He wants to illegally sublet his flat. And if you allow him to move in he will take you down with him when he gets caught.

He's not a partner.

You're just a hole he fucks.

Why don't women realise how much contempt men have for them?

I don't want these people in my home.
I love my privacy and have never been the one to have social gatherings in my home.

If we ever did have a house together in both our names then I wouldn't have an issue with them coming over as of course we would both be entitled to have whoever we both please.

These two things cannot both be true. Really, have a think about what it would be like to live together, with him having people over every weekend, and a couple of nights a week.

Why do you want to live together anyway if your relationship is very up and down, much better to keep your own space

Could you start inviting your friends and family to his flat to see how he takes it?

This sums it up for me.

I can’t see why you are holding onto this one when most women would have thrown him back in.

You need to have a conversation with your partner saying that this is not their home, it is YOUR home and you've been abiding by their rules about not having friends/family to visit until you BOTH could afford to buy a property of your own together. This is not that property. Your partner must be told that. They do not have any rights to invite anyone, not even the King/Queen/Pope/Dalai Lama to come to your home. No one.

See what happens then.

I have a feeling that this relationship may have run its course. I hope I'm wrong but when clear boundaries are being trampled over, that's usually a sign.

Do you and your partner have an open and honest relationship?

I find it very strange that he thinks he is entitled to open your home to his friends and family. If he wants to host he does it in his apartment. Should you decide to have people over then you get to decided who will be there. You need to set very certain boundaries with him.

You describe them as HIS friends and family and the whole relationship doesn't sound great to be honest.
Why do you wnaat to be with him?