To think that a 16 year old should be out with friends

That was me at 16. Good times!

I have a 16 year old who is perfectly happy at home. She communicates with her friends but in her own words doesn't want to be hanging round the streets she'd rather be at home.
If he's happy OP leave him to it, I'd rather mine was at home than out getting drunk or causing trouble

My 17 year is pretty much either at work or at home with us

He's happy enough

Another one here who's child at 16 didn't socialize much. He didn't start to really socialize (out of the house) until he started year 13.
I was a bit concerned that he might be lonely/ how his future would be, but he just did it in his own time.

what makes you think he’s lonely?

What do you intend to do about it?

……

hi

hi

want to hang out or something

what you want to do?

no idea. just have to get out of the house

why bro

my mum told me to

Sometimes, it simply takes a bit longer for young people to acclimatise to growing up. Family members used to worry about a 16 year old nephew. Very quiet, never went out, no friends. Over he next 8 years he slowly emerged from his shell, got a job, became more chatty, met a girl and now, at 24, he’s planning to get married. Some kids just need time.

I didn't go out much at 16 and had lots of friends, I think 16 is still quite young. At 16 you have no money so there's not much to do except hang out

I rarely went out as a teenager. If my mum had kept telling me I should it would have made me feel pretty shit! I don’t like going out- am very happy at home.

I used to worry ferociously about my DD who had few friends and rarely socialised, if ever, during her school years. Now she’s an adult I still worry that she’s on her own too much but then I remind myself that she’s contented and self-contained and there’s no right of wrong way of being - just be you.

Teenagers have lived through the pandemic and their formative years have been a long way removed from the normal we grew up with.

It’s made many kids more introverted and their development stages are being delayed in many cases.

My DS is 19 now and it’s only the last 18 months or so he’s started being more social. Like your DS he rarely left the house at 16 however at 18/19 he go a to football, gigs, bars etc - give him time.

Why are you so utterly certain that all 16 year olds are out socialising with friends all the time?
Some do, some don't. Some are home bodies and don't want to.

Make sure you aren't projecting your own personality onto your DS. He isn't you. He might be happy as he is and not want pushed or prompted to be out and about conforming to your idea of how he should be behaving.

I'm sure 16 year olds are out with their friends more than this

Are you? Why?

Even if it were so, so what? If you give us your age, I'm sure we can find plenty of things that 'we think' people of your age typically do, which you don't. Should you be forced to do them? Despite your disinterest and your preference for other things?

He's even seen friends this holiday! He sees them day in and day out at school. Why can't he have a break? Why can't he have time to himself?

Entirely depends on the 16 year old.

Count your blessings. He's home, with you - he's safe. Not getting into trouble, not taking substances, not hanging out with hell knows who. You need to be more appreciative.

Let him decide when he wants to go and socialise.
I loved reading and then you couldn't get me out of the pub heeeeeeee

You’re projecting your own views and needs onto your son. He isn’t you at 16. Plenty of kids are happy enough doing their own thing. He clearly does have friends as he’s been out a couple of times, been to a party, had a mate to stay. He just likes his own company, and that’s perfectly OK.

There’s this weird idea that teenagers should automatically be mega sociable, but in reality, some are and some aren’t. We generally accept that some adults enjoy doing their own thing, and we need to accept that some teenagers do too

I’d also add that just because he’s more of a homebody now, that doesn’t necessarily mean he always will be. Some kids get a lot more keen on going out as they get older. But if he doesn’t, that’s OK too.

I didn’t socialise much at 16. I did have school friends but it wasn’t a local school as such and they didn’t live close enough for casual socialising outside school. I was quite happy at home.

I think a lot of them don't much. If you push they can easily take this as you calling them unpopular or a social failure so tread carefully. I think a lot of staying home comes down to low confidence, not knowing how to navigate it.

Getting a job has helped mine hugely. She has changed so much between end of Y11 and end of Y12.

I think some in this age group are still really affected by covid. They were Y7/8 which is such a key age in social development.

Is he in his room gaming with friends though ? My son does this and just goes out here and there

Is he intending to go to university. One of mine was very much a homebody and didn’t do the usual partying until they went to uni. It was the making of them.

My oldest didn't really start going out much until 6th form.

I didn’t make any really close friends at school, I was in a group but on the outskirts. Made all my best friends at college, many of whom I am still very close to now. Don’t worry about him, he’s plenty of time with college / uni to find his people

If he has friends and communicates with them, I wouldn't worry. DD is the same and I saw some comments on an instagram post of people my age saying how they loved those days with no pressure and no responsibility where they lay in bed for as long as they wanted.

I then remembered all the lying around doing nothing that I did after my GCSEs. Heaven!

As long as there's connection, don't worry too much.

He might not necessarily leave home at 18! Is your concern that he hasn't got a strong/wide friendship group so the opportunities to go out and do stuff with other people aren't presenting themselves? Perhaps this will change when he goes into 6th form or college.