To think that a 16 year old should be out with friends

I just think there are many more things for kids to do at home these days.

I was probably classed as social at 16 by my parents as I was hardly home. I wasn't meeting friends all the time mind but mostly just taking the dog out on epic walking adventures. I'd go out as they went to work and returned home when they did. Smart phones weren't the same as nowadays and not video streaming apps and the like to do.

When I was that age I was rarely home, but it was the early naughties. Don't they all just hang out virtually now? God, i'm pleased I was born when I was.

I agree with pps saying as long as he is happy. I barely see teenagers leave the house where I live. You wouldn't know some of them even live there!

Leave him be. I was never allowed to lounge around. I always had chores or siblings to look after or grandparents when I wasn't at school. I have worked since I was 15. Laying about is something I wish I had been able to do as a teen. Instead I have been non stop since I can remember. And now as an adult it's even more relentless.

Let him do as he pleases. Sounds like he has a nice balance and enjoys being with you guys!

I didn't really find my people until 6th form. Up until then I remember spending a lot of my time during summer holidays sat at home, or out on my bike or bumbling around town by myself. It used to bother my parents too, so I'd lie and say I was off to town with friends.

I wasn't particularly lonely. I had "friends" in school, but nobody I was particularly bothered with seeing during the holidays. I found it relaxing to be honest, I'm quite an introvert and it was nice not having to socialise every day like in school, not have to worry about whether I was weird, whether people were making fun of me.

Sixth form rolled around and I found a group who were just as geeky as me, and we started going out to the pub etc.

DD, 16, is much the same as me. She has a group of friends that she seems to be in constant communication with on Whatsapp, but they don't seem to have much interest in actually going out together, as they all have very different interests. I'm hoping she'll find her tribe when she heads off to sixth form this year as well.

YABU! There's no "should be" here if it's opposite what he's comfortable with. You should know your child's personality, interests temperament, etc by now and support him being himself. If he's happy indoors, that's what he "should be" doing. If he prefers hanging out, that's what he 'should be' doing.

Forcing/Expecting him to go out when he'd rather stay home is the same as forcing/expecting him to stay home when he'd rather be out.

Why?
I was always happier on my own, fortunately
my parents were emotionally distant abusive bastards and I was left to my resources to plan what to do with life. Just to add, never struggled materially while living with them and have done well for myself.
I attribute that to being left alone.

Same here my 17 year old is in constant contact with his friends on line but only meets up with them every couple of weeks.

Out doing what all the time?
It costs money to go out?
Wouldn't you rather he was at home more than possibly out getting into trouble, hanging round street corners?
What is it you want him to be doing?

Just leave him. Your looking for problems that aren't there?

A week ago I would have written the same @OP , although my dd is not 16 until next month, so has another year at school. I was for downloading to someone at work last week - a wise older woman, who has 3 adult children (2 boys and a girl). Her advice was to leave him if he's happy. He'll find his way, love and support him. Boys develop later than girls - as example ld by my 13 year old dd who could probably run the country single handedly.

I moved out for uni and made new frienda at uni, lost touch with school friends, as long as he's happy and is seeing people i wouldn't worry

Sounds similar to my DS, he’s always liked his own space and quiet time! He does get out the house everyday, either walking the dog or doing some gardening and odd jobs. He’ll go and play football/tennis with his brother too (he’s 14). He games a bit but not hugely so. I’d worry if he was shut in his room all day but he likes hanging out with us and seems really happy so I’m just letting him do it his way.

Ds and his mates all game together. They play specific games for a group of 4-6 depending on who is online with them. They are able to do this because each child is in their own home on their computer. If they were all here there is only one computer for them to play on.

Even if they are not gaming together they are talking over their headsets. Ds2 and his mates even did homework this way, just chatting saying did everyone else get 38 for question 3? If not giving pointers as to how to do it. They also watch tv shows on Netflix like this too.

This is the way lots of them have friends now. Look when we were young there were 4 tv channels not aimed at kids, only short segments of the schedule was given over to us and not a huge amount of exciting things to do at home so hanging out was the norm. Now there is a lot of entertainment to be had at your fingertips at home. As it has been said above It’s possible to have a very full social life from a bedroom. yes.

DS 17 was out yesterday with a local friend playing guitar. He only sees friends now and again. He said last night to me "Mum, it's good to have a catch up with friends now & again ". He has changed his friendship group and met nicer friends but doesn't see them as often but usually arranges something. He was ten pin bowling with another friend from a sports class at the weekend.

Your DS will socialise when he wants to.

My own DS doesn't do parties!

Great advice

OP, I hope this thread has offered you some reassurance

My DS hardly went out aged 16. Became more sociable from aged 17, but still likes a lot of tine chilling quietly at home

Be careful of telling your DS that his way is wrong. Perhaps he's just different from you

Is he happy? If he is just leave him be

Please do not project onto your son... my parents did this when I was a teen, thought I should be out more, thought I should have more friends, worried I spent time alone in my bedroom etc... made me feel there was something wrong with me and wrong with being introverted. Led to me forcing myself out more that I needed and wanted to in my late teens and early 20s and years of drinking too much to deal with having (I thought) to behave in a more extrovert and sociable way than I wanted. It took me years, and quitting drinking, to learn about the joy of meeting my own needs, learning introversion is ok and creating a lovely life of balance.

I don't see it as an issue if he is getting out of the house. If he was sat gaming all day, then would be something to be concerned about.

Lots of friends 16 year olds are like this so it is common. They do fret about it. More teens seem to be home birds these days. That said my nearly 16 year old is the total opposite.

This. Roblox online chat is very busy and you can link up with online friends and collaborate in games. It’s possible to have a very full social life from a bedroom.

It's hard though when you know your hild is hanging around the house and you see groups of teenagers walking around, in the park, the shops. My son definitely liked being at home and he was constantly on his phone so I presume he was chatting to his friends. I used to worry but would then see the little hits around here on mopeds acting like that's and I'd think, be careful what you wish for - at least I knew where my son was.

He has a job now which is great as it's a focus for the summer holiday and gets him out of bed. He now appreciates time at home more and I don't pester him when he does have a day lounging about!

In the days of 4 TV channels and limited computers a lot of teenagers went out together to avoid boredom. I used to walk around for hours chatting to my friend and buying sweets etc. I think that nowadays there’s more on offer, teens are more likely to have their own bedrooms and are made to feel welcome at home so there’s less of an incentive to go out and physically see people.

You're worrying about nothing.

My ds has done exactly the same.

GCSEs were a slog. He's tired and wants to rest. I make sure he spends at least some time each week doing stuff out of the house, but he only has maybe 5 carefree summers left so he can spend them how he wants to.

YABU, leave him be. This was me at 16, I liked to watch movies, read, play computer games. I started going out more when I got a job at 17.