I feel let down by my friend, AIBU?

What's that saying? The best way to have a friend, is to be a friend.

You didn't do the second bit.

This.

Wow. the lack of self awareness is immense.

I have sympathy for your loss, but if you wanted to explore that, you wouldn't ask 'AIBU to feel let down by my friend'. You've come here to slag her off, and still, 5 pages in, and 99% of the vote and all the comments trying to clarify it for you, have not acknowledged your lack of support for her.

Wow.

If you feel any responsibility, grab some nice flowers and a bottle of wine and show up on her doorstep.
And “I admit I made a mistake” goes a very long way.
Maybe she stopped prioritizing you when you stopped prioritizing her.
I’d highly recommend talking to her instead of strangers on the internet.

Her life could be hectic and she might be going through personal stuff...?? Or she is giving you the same energy as you gave her when she needed support. Just a thought.

As you've pointed out, when she reached out. You couldn't support her cause of personally stuff. Yet stated how good of a friend she was for you in a time of need. Maybe she is unable to support or listen to you?

WTAF have I just read? You know that friendship, as with all relationships, is a give & take? But no, drama dump on her by all means, you're an empathy sponge, come up for air & ask others how their day is going sometime

This has got to be a switcharoo

Errr.. no.. AIBU is definitely not the usual place to post about a bereavement.

But fortunately, you haven't posted about that, but whether you were unreasonable about a friend.

You’ve been a poor friend and are shocked she’s had enough of it. Even when you’re wishing her happy birthday you chose that opportunity to tell her about your parent dying. All the days in the 6 weeks leading up to her birthday and you chose that day, says it all really.

I’m sorry for your loss.

I think your friend probably felt let down by you during the breakdown of her marriage. She was there for you when the time came you let her down.

This is a one way friendship and she’s decided not to continue with it.

Sorry for the loss of your parent, but I can understand your old friend not replying.

I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like your friend has moved on before you notified her of your bereavement, so she's not stepping up now. She likely felt the friendship was one sided.

I hope you do reflect a bit on these messages OP because I feel sorry for your friend quite honestly. It’s very sad that you have experienced a recent bereavement but that doesn’t excuse the behaviour that you displayed towards your friend in the past. You come across as flaky, self absorbed & petulant if you don’t get your own way.

You are in the wrong here

You are not the devil incarnate.
And I'm very sorry for your loss...I hope you have support and are looking after yourself.

I think people are answering the question you asked and that's why responses may seem uncaring.

I believe your friends reaction is human nature in action. If someone feels hurt and rejected (like your friend did) then, more often than not, they have to move on. It's self-protection. When the time comes for the other person to want to make contact/ need support its very often too late.

Why go on AIBU? The consensus of opinion is that you are being unreasonable and then you are getting annoyed. There are consequences when you are wrapped up in yourself and you let people down

I'm very sorry for your loss and it must be awful.

Unfortunately, I have to echo some of the posts. I don't mean to kick you when you're down. You admitted yourself that she was supportive during your divorce but then almost dismissive when she needed you, saying you were busy.

I think perhaps when it's not so raw with losing your parents, maybe you should go see her. And talk to her in person. But don't make it about tit for tat because you weren't there for her when she needed you. Yes she could have sent a message of condolence, even if I was feeling angry with a friend I would still do so. But she may be feeling let down by you.

It's a hard life lesson to learn. Friendship is about balance and giving in equal measure. You excused your nonchalance with being busy but say you feel let down when this time she wasn't there for you. She was before.

Take some time to grieve then go talk to her. Apologise if necessary, if you want to keep the Friendship going. Sometimes you have to be the one to make an effort. Even if phones overwhelm you.

I wish you well op.

She supported you during a divorce and you blanked her during hers. That's the bottom line. No going back from it.

But the responses would be the same wouldn't they, wherever you posted?
I’m sorry for your loss, it’s a very tough time for you. Probably the most difficult time in your life. But your friend’s divorce was the most difficult time in her life — and you ignored her.
I’d let it go for now, grieving is hard work, takes up your energy. Then later apologise to your friend and suggest you meet up. If she doesn’t respond I’m afraid that’ll be the end of the friendship.

Nailed it, quite sad really

I think you both need some breathing space. You’ve both been through a LOT. I think in this case you need to take a breather and lean on someone else in your life. Do you have a partner / kids / sibling who can help you through this time? Then perhaps when the dust has settled you can reach out again.

But your post isn’t really about your recent bereavement is it? And now you’re twisting it to be about that because you don’t like the answers you’re getting.

Yeah, she moved on. That's absolutely fair enough. You sent a pretty clear message when you ignored her divorce.

I’m sorry for your loss. The death of a parent can be brutal. After so short a time I expect you’re still reeling.

I’m afraid you have let your friend down too much for there to be a relationship to salvage. You weren’t there when you should have been, so she’s moved on without you.

As you grieve your parent, I doubt you have the emotional bandwidth to properly make amends to your friend. You’d only end up turning back onto your needs (grief is hard like that) which would be unfair to her.

Why should she call or knock if you don’t respond to her messages? Good grief OP, how self-absorbed are you? So she has to put herself out by doing that when you can’t be arsed to reply to her. Me me me!

I’m sorry for your loss but you have been a truly terrible so-called “friend”.

I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like this friendship drifted over time, so, sadly, it's not surprising that you've not had a reply to your message. If you want to try to rebuild this friendship, you'll probably need to really commit to putting effort in to staying more in touch.