I feel let down by my friend, AIBU?

This exactly. You say you dont like messages and find them overwhelming and yet you expect her to message you when you need it whilst saying you've ignored her in the past during times of great stress for her.

Seriously? there is apparently no reciprocity in this relationship if its all her making the effort. Friendships require both sides to make an effort and if you arent or haven't then no sympathy from me I'm afraid.

People arent objects to just pick up and put down when it suits you.

How can you claim to be her friend when you don't know, and didn't bother to ask, why she was getting a divorce? That's so weird to me. Anyway, just apologise for being self centered and absent, ask if she wants to remain friends, and then suggest a meet up? Pretending you haven't caused her upset and stress wouldn't fix anything, but being honest might do.

You've been a shitty friend.

After reading several posts, I went back to check the title because I thought it should have been ‘I feel that I have let my friend down.’

She's not being rude but possibly busy.
She is behaving exactly like you did to her when she had her separation. You were just busy.
Expect that she means well. Trust your friend.

I think you should, instead of messaging, meet up or phone for real and actually speak to each other.
You could both receive a lot of support from having a real meet up. Take friend some biscuits and sharea cup of tea at her house.

You should expect to get out from a friendship what you put in.

You have chosen over the years to disengage including when she was going through a divorce. The likelihood is she no longer sees you as a supportive friend based on your behaviour so she has pulled away.

You can't expect support when you need it but not be prepared to give it. Your difficult times do not trump her difficult times.

I knew someone who sounds similar to you. Sadly she wore all of her friends out. It was always about her and eventually no one wanted to be around to listen to her.

Losing your mom is awful and I'm sorry for your loss.

Hopefully though you will reflect and learn to be a better friend through this situation.

I would recommend apologizing to your friend now if you are hoping for a chance to save your friendship.

She needed you and you weren't there for her- and it seems having been in contact for a significant amount of time- you then contact her with a birthday message, but also to bring it back to you- I probably would respond, and for you I'd probably accept the friendship is over. It sounds like you (maybe unintentionally) got in contact for yourself. I'd probably say no thanks too, I'm afraid.

Took the time... very big of you. You remembered it was her birthday - and that was a good excuse to try and get her attention and support for your recent loss. A bereavement is hard, but so is a divorce, as you know from your own experience - when she was on hand to support you. I think it has been too many episodes of all the help being a one-way street, with her supporting you. You more or less completely ignoring her divorce was probably the last straw.

You were a rubbish friend when she needed you but now you want support she has to jump when you say how high? Not surprised she's upset with you

Just back again to send some love your way. I have reported at least one of these
responses on here as they are out of order.

Feel free to message me directly if you need a sympathetic ear ❤️

I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve been a bit horrified by some responses but I guess it’s the AIBU.

sending love your way.

This isn't about the bereavement though. It's about you being a poor friend to her when she needed you and she has decided to let the friendship cool.

I would not have bothered to answer you either. She needed you when her marriage fell apart but you were not there for her. It really is that simple. Gardens don't grow if you don't feed and water them

I have created a thread recently about a long time friend who decided to drop my invitation after I refuse her wedding loan. Come to my senses after most posters pointed out the transactional nature of our friendship dynamics.

If I was your friend in this instance, I will be ignoring you too. Please seek comfort and solace from people that you prioritise.

Sorry for your loss OP but you’ve been at best a flaky at worst a shit friend and now she’s probably thinking why should she bother when you don’t Sheree in her time of need.

You seem very lacking in self awareness and personal accountability. . You can’t pretty much ignore a friend in need then expect them to jump when you need she them to.

This it literally takes seconds to fire off a quick text

This

If you constantly ignore someone they will only put up with it for so long then start retreating and that's what she's done.

Well, you know where she is so could always call or knock.

Your post wasn’t about your bereavement (for which I’m sure everyone is very sorry). It was about the fact that your friend didn’t immediately leap to offer you support.

I’m sure you’re reeling from the loss of your relative, but I would imagine your friend was reeling from the breakdown of her marriage a while ago, for which you offered her zero support - despite the fact that she helped you through yours.

Im sorry you’re upset, but you admit that you ignore a lot of messages because you’re ’overwhelmed by your phone’ and that you didn’t offer support when she was divorcing because you had too much going on. If you can’t manage to be a supportive friend to others, of course you won’t get their support in return and it’s hypocritical fo expect it. Particularly on THEIR birthday.

Sorry for your loss..it does sound a bit as though you have used your friends birthday as an opportunity to seek support as you are going through a difficult time.
Unfortunately when she was going through a difficult time you weren't supportive and she may be finding it hard to explain how this has hurt her while knowing you are upset about your loss and so is choosing to say nothing. You can't really blame her for that.

@itriedmybest I'm really sorry for your loss. You're not the devil, I think it's quite obvious from your own post why she's ignored you but I honestly don't think it's the time for you to be focusing on this and I really don't think I'd have ignored even the most inconsiderate of friends of mine had they told me they'd lost their parent. She's clearly (understandably) very hurt by your lack of support through her divorce, you don't say what your personal struggles were at the time as to why you weren't there for her so it sounds pretty harsh..maybe you could share with her why you couldn't be a better friend to her back then. If you want to salvage this friendship and squash any bad feeling asap, I think you need to address it and apologise for your part in the breakdown of your relationship.

I love this..until today I'd never heard it
Thank you

🙄🙄🙄🙄 absolutely any post on here could be a reverse but I doubt anyone would reverse this!

You wished her happy birthday and then explained your parent had died?

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I don't think this is really a friendship.