I feel let down by my friend, AIBU?

Which is pretty much what happened when your friend got divorced and you didn’t support her through it.

Why is it ok for you to behave that way but not her?

Oh ffs OP, how about you reply in kind? ie you apologise for not having been there when she got divorced (I just can't imagine not supporting a friend during a major event like this) and suggest meeting up?

I’m still not sure you’re getting it OP.

She’s contacted you - why not ask her if she fancies a coffee. It’s not all about the ball being in het court every time.

If you want to try and rebuild the friendship hold out an olive branch

Think that's the end of the friendship OP. Live, learn and move on.

OP, your responses are possibly some of the most narcissistic responses I have ever read!

You clearly can't accept you were in the wrong.

Own it!

You habitually ignored her messages, saying she could always knock the door. She supported you. Have you knocked her door? Well, perhaps you shouldn’t bother because you haven’t been much of a friend. Just remembering her birthday with a message and an excuse is hardly being as attentive to her as she was to you. Everyone has stuff going on. You don’t need to be on social media to get reminders, either. Your phone has a calendar. It will notify if you log a date.

She's been there for you, you haven't been there for her even before your bereavement. You've not been a good friend, people would be less harsh if you'd just owned that

I'd agree with that, although also agree it isn't a competition.

When your friend needed you, OP - for whatever reason that was - it didn't suit you and was inconvenient for you. This is despite the fact that this woman had been really supportive to you when you were going through a divorce. That is unforgivable of you, and there isn't any going back from that.

The fact you then have the audacity to criticise her for not 'instantly being there for you' once you need support again, is very, very unreasonable.

To then top that on this thread, because EVERYONE has pointed that out to you, you then try and twist what you said / asked to try and make everyone responding look bad, when all everyone has done is answered the question you asked.

It wasn't my intention to minimize divorce

I really don’t think we need to play Trauma Top Trumps here. Even if you think a bereavement is more serious than a divorce, I would hope most people would agree that these are significant, devastating events. It’s not like people are saying it’s okay for OP’s friend not to respond because OP once forgot to send her a birthday card, or arrived late on a night out. She virtually ignored a good friend’s marriage breakdown - a good friend who had supported her through her own marriage breakdown.

I agree. I've lost both my parents and yes, it's devastating. However, it will happen to all of us eventually.

Getting a divorce may well involve having to move out, separating finances, devastation/grief, worrying about children and their welfare, it may involve an affair or become very nasty in the process and may involve having to go to court which can drag on for years.

Both are of course, devastating, but a divorce turns your entire life on its head from your living circumstances to the effects on your kids in a way that grief does not and lets not forget that if you have a spouse to comfort you during the grieving process that is a support that you simply dont have during a divorce- you are utterly alone in going through that.

I disagree. Losing a parent is sad but part of life. It's to be expected.
A marriage break up is huge and will change how your life goes forwards.
For OP to ignore her friend that time is unforgivable and it is no surprise that the friend has given up on her.

You're not posting about your recent bereavement. You're posting about your friend. You've repeatedly ignored her messages because your phone 'overwhelms' you ?? and now you're upset because she's ignoring you.

It’s not a competition as to who’s having the worst time. Friends are there as support when they’re needed and the OP has clearly shown by her actions that she’s a fair weather friend until she needs support. It seems it’s fine for her to ignore friends in need but now she’s got the same back she’s shocked.

No one is unsympathetic about her bereavement but consequences have actions and her lack of support when her friend was in need of a shoulder to cry on is now meaning she’s lost that friend.

so admittedly sometimes would not respond when she messaged

If that’s ok for you to do, even when she’s going through a dreadful time, then I can see why she might think it was ok for her to do as well.

@TheMixedGirl there is a big difference between offering constructive advice and going to town on someone. Surely you realise this?
Opening the doors to hell 😂😂😂 how dramatic. She asked for opinions, she got them unanimously.
But in their desperation to get their point across some posters forget they are talking to an actual person and a recently bereaved one at that.
You gave your opinion once and then couldn't help yourself coming back and telling the op again just how awful she is. Nice.

Op, are you open to reaching out to your friend ? Tell her, you are feeling really sad, and ask her if you have upset her and that you're sorry you've been distracted when she was going through her divorce ?

💯 this. OP all of your posts are me, me, me and you also have a victim mentality, even as much as your user name. If that was you trying your best, I'd hate to see your worst 😕

OP I won't stick the boot in but if I was you my takeaway from this would be to understand that many people will interpret persistent unresponsiveness as a brush off.

The person not being responded to doesn't know why because they probably have nothing to go on. Some people try for longer to see if their friend will respond, some might be more confrontational and some will give up and assume that their friend no longer wants contact.

It might be salvageable but it takes time to repair trust.

Oh come on, OP, don't play that card. You didn't post about a recent bereavement and get insensitive comments about it.

No one here has been unsympathetic about your loss. They've been unsympathetic about you being a lousy friend during their hard times and then expecting them to support you through your own.

Maybe you can salvage this friendship by apologising for being so absent and making an effort, is this the case with other friendships you have as well? You'll end up without anyone if you carry on like this

I don't agree with other comments and losing your loved one is a lot more serious than a divorce. I hope you're ok

You sound like a shitty friend, and a bit of a user so I'm not surprised she's passed you out