To no longer respond to hints

This is what I need to say!! Thank you! I have so much of this. "We should..., we need to..." etc

I hate 'we'.

"Oh, let's not worry about that now. We'll get it sorted".

Meaning he can't be bothered but knows when push comes to shove, I'll do it.

Yanbu. I do the same with everyone. If you want me to do something say it outright

After 81 replies starting to feel grateful for my husband! He's not perfect but he doesn't pull these stunts...well, he will sometimes send me a text telling me he's done XYZ - I send a medal emoji back

"How would I know if you have sent a card to your auntie or not, Steve?"

My DH has never asked me where xyz is since this incident.

Him where’s my xyz
Me Turn round
Him Why
Me So I can see if you’ve left it at your backside

Worked a treat the DC use it on their partners now.

My mum was the same. She expected us to read her mind. She saw mind reading as a sign of caring lol.
When my 14 year old son got his first adult bike and helmet, he started cycling on the roads. My mum said “I thought he would have cycled over to see me.” (She lived 2 miles away)
I said “Oh, ok, I’ll tell him.”
She said “ No! I want him to visit without being told.”

DH's favourite's are
'Hep you might want to think about....' like only him has thought about and he needs to tell me.

And 'What are these/this on here?'
Me - points out the obvious'they are a pile of ironing etc.' He thinks this a subtle way of telling me what to do.

@FetchezLaVache this irritates me so fucking much. DH is a mechanical engineer..builds machinery and racking systems with complicated sensors inside giant warehouses, but can I set the cat feeders because he doesn't know how to do it...it's too complicated 🙄
Why do some men use all their capacity at work but can't be fucked at home?

I also get the 'the litter tray needs cleaning/this house is a mess/this or that needs doing'. I point out it will be me then or take it as a jab and he says no, no I didn't mean you have to do it. Then doesn't do it and works away all week. Then does the whole 'im sorry, I'm so rubbish' so he expects sympathy for being shit and me doing everything. (Wow not sure where all that came from!!)

The only acceptable responses here are the following:
"Well done"
"Good for you"
"That's nice"
"I'm not sure why you're telling me this because if you can get the clothes into the washing machine, you can put the wash on too and take it out yourself too so this is information that I don't really need, isn't it?"

My mum is a bugger for this and always has been.
She won't ask anyone to do anything.
When I was a kid she used to get angry and say things like I shouldn't have to ask, if you loved me you'd know what needs to be done.
That was over housework.
Except when any of us did anything she'd snap at us to stop and say she preferred to do it herself.

Then she'd moan that she was the only one who ever did anything.

Nowadays she makes statements that are clearly hints.
I really need to go to the shop
I need to do/get/have

With a sigh and followed by silence.

Me and my sister (our dad died several years ago) used to immediately reply oh I'll do it/get it/sort it

Now we say "ok". Or "if you need help you can always ask"

And she has always, all my life, said how independent she is and how she does everything and doesn't ever ask for help.

Some people are absolutely incapable of asking for things for some reason and instead try to manipulate others into offering.

And in my mum's case basically pleading with her to let us do the thing she's been hinting at us that she wants us to do. 🤣. We've stopped doing that bugger now!

I know this thread is lighthearted (and it is very funny)
But it's so interesting isn't it, how language works to reflect back attitudes and social structures. You so rarely hear women talk like this.

DH asks me things about DD like 'what does DD want for dinner' and 'what time is DD going out' bearing in mind DD is question is 17 my response is 'I don't know, have you asked her??'
I wouldn't mind if the question was 'do you know what time DD is going out' etc, its only slightly different but makes a huge difference - the way he says it (to me) implies I am either a mind reader or the works foreman.

My kids used to do "I'm hungry" or "I'm thirsty" and that annoyed me. I've no idea where they got it from as it wasn't me or their Dad. Kids are more teachable than adults so I managed to train them out of it. I suspect it is harder with adults.

Have you tried "Yes, we do. Why don't you get started on it?"

My version of this is

Me: Would you like a cup of tea?
DH: If you like
Me: It's not about whether I like, it's whether you want one!!

In our house if I do a job I get on with it myself. If DH does a job everything has to involve me. Eg. Me: Can you get the peas on (while I’m busy getting everything else out of the oven and serving up).

Cue him asking where the peas are in the freezer? have I got a clip as the bag is now open and he doesn’t need to use the whole bag etc etc etc.

The other day I just looked at him and said what part of my job am I supposed to be leaving to find you a clip when they’ve been in the same drawer for 20 years? Everything is not a 2 person job you know!

Oh my, yes. My DH does exactly this. Like it's a grand performance I need to see. He can never just get on with it.

My dh does work very hard..say in the garden. Then he comes in the door saying: Oh l'm exhausted! I have done so much. My back is breaking etc. EVERYTIME!!! Same when he cleans windows etc. He can't just do a job and get on with it. There has to be a song and dance. I am doing jobs all day but no mention of it.
We are both retired now and have all day to do these things but he tears into it and then a big fuss. STOP!!

Excellent! 🤣

@marshlellow when hubby starts saying things like "we really should ......" I usually reply "is this the royal "we" you are speaking about"??????

Here's a wild idea tell him directly that you want him to talk to you directly.

My thing is, whenever any DIY needs doing, it has to involve both of us. I have to be involved like a washed up cheer leader. He can't just crack on himself with whatever needs doing.

My DH sometimes does this, and I just turn it around by saying, "oh did you want me to do it?" Works well.

DH has been extremely busy of late and been away with work.

So I tidied the house including his office which is full of things just from the house. He's constantly complaining he can't find things. The 'wheres my ?' comment drives me nuts. I don't know where YOU put it. Why don't YOU tidy up? That's right you don't have time because you are off doing important things.

Anyway he has come back and has gone nuts because I've tidied because now he can't find things. So no actual change there. And how very dare I go through his stuff in the office. (Despite there being lots of my stuff and expecting me to know where he has put everything).

He had the nerve to complain I'd put the old phone screen protectors and cases in the box with the new ones. Like why haven't you just binned the ones that you aren't going to use?

Anyway he seems to be coping with finding his own things eventually. As before. The bonus is I actually know where the fuck things are now too.

Have you seen my X…?
”Yes….”
Well, where is it?
”No idea, why?”
I thought you said you’d seen it!
”Oh I have seen it. I know what you’re talking about, but why on earth would I know where it is?”