To no longer respond to hints

Haven't made my way through the whole thread yet, but if it hasn't already been posted, this American comedian's set always makes me laugh

https://www.facebook.com/reel/877567120591113

Lol, are we married to the same person?!

Mine also fishes for compliments too.

He used to often say "I've done some washing" or "I've picked up the dead mouse that the cat brought in" in a way that suggests there's a silent "...for you" at the end, or he wants me to say thank you. What he gets in reality is an "OK".

He did comment on the "OK" once and I just replied "Well I don't list out all the domestic chores I've done while you're out do I?"

I'm re-training his brain gradually though as he doesn't do it anywhere near as much any more.

The fishing for compliments when he's taken me out for dinner or a day out for a birthday or something do annoy me. I'll always say thank you at the end of a meal or trip, but he'll constantly bring it up "Did you enjoy the meal?" or "That was a good meal wasn't it?" or "You've had a good day haven't you?". I've actually started saying "I've already said yes, it was lovely and thank you - you don't need to keep asking me for more gratitude".

Thank heavens he also stopped saying about his friend "He can't meet up this weekend as he's babysitting" - that one really pissed me off! Before he retrained his brain it was quite funny to watch though: "He can't meet up this weekend as he's babysitting, shit, er, bollocks, I mean he's got the kids as Tania's out for the day". 😂

I've heard him repeating some of the things I say to him to our nephews though, so I'd like to think I'm helping the next generation be better in the absence of any DC of our own!

Weaponised incompetence!

Then just when you think you've got them properly trained, they get old, memory turns to shite and suddenly there are new black socks in the lights load, the freezer stuff is in the fridge, he's killed the plants that you lovingly reared, the dog is ravenous because he miscalculated a weeks dinners for him. Because now he genuinely doesn't know if he's on his arse or his elbow

Why would you wait for him to ask you directly, are you some kind of Victorian house servant waiting for the lord of the manor's next command?

Mine does his own laundry and cooks every meal for the household.

There is a backstory of appeasement, people-pleasing and self-deprecation with my DH, too. I’ve been trying to help him to be more assertive for years. I can be very snappy, though 😀

Whenever my DH starts a sentence with 'We should' he always means 'You should' then when I don't do whatever he's decided I should, he'll question why as 'we decided we were going to.' No love you decided so you can crack on.

Mine does this. He's fairly new so still in training. Straight questions and straight answers at all times please. It's quite sad that he feels the need to appease. There's quite a back story so the training is full of positive reinforcement 💕

“The washing machine is free, why not go do it now?”

”No I’m not, but if you’re making one I’ll have one”.

I wouldn’t ignore the hints.
I would answer them like he’s just letting you know/asking a genuine question.

If he says anything about you doing them, ask him why he would think it’s your job and if he wants his washing done/have a cup of tea then he needs to do it himself.

My husband was like this - annoyed the shit out of me so one day a few years ago - I just stopped doing an anything of his, his dishes, his laundry, his cooking (I would make enough for me and the kids) etc. went on for a while until he realised it - he now probably does more that 50% of house stuff 😂

The bare faced cheek to act as though it's us who have no initiative

LOL I call this “The Blame Game”. I even made up a theme tune to sing at him when he’s sheepishly admitted he found it somewhere else.

As other posters have said, they start young:
Pupil to me , "You gotta rubber?" (Clearly expecting me to instantly supply from my inexhaustible stock of spare equipment the item he was supposed to bring with him)
Me (irked by the informal mode of address as much as the assumption) "Yes thank you!"
Tumbleweed.

lol 😂
Him: where are my socks?
Me: where are my black knickers?
Or, to other ‘where are’ questions “ I don’t know, I’ll look into my crystal ball.”

My neighbour was waving at me like a lunatic the other week because he's having his garden done to tell me "this bit behind the (his) shed(on his property ) needs to be sorted - it's an eyesore for you and me"
So I told him the garden gate is unlocked and he can come round and sort it if it would be easier for him to reach from our side and he looked at me like I had 4 heads - he's still not been round and it's still an eyesore in his lovely new garden.

@Marseillaise - I reply: “have you not? I have”

Edit to add: not because I am offering him use of mine!

I cured DH of all this shit years ago by being vicious and sarcastic at the first sign of man-hinting.

Him: i'm getting a bit hungry
Me: that big silver thing in the kitchen is called a cooker. Look it up on YouTube if you're not sure how it works.

Him: have you seen my pants?
Me: have you seen my bra?

Him: where's my [insert important thing here]
Me: that's one of life's great conundrums, isn't it?

You should give him a glass of water and tell him that was easiest.

Oh I mean specifically in the ways and phrases mentioned on this thread, women have a whole other set of language that upholds the patriarchy, by talking about men and boys in an infantilising way, or as things that need to be managed, or in a way that indicates that men are somehow a different species that can programme computers but not work a washing machine.

Also, to anyone reading this, to be absolutely crystal clear: I am NOT saying all men or all women talk like this. But some of them do, so don't come at me with 'I've never heard anyone talk like this' - just because that's not your experience, doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

Followed, I hope, by "What are you going to do about it?" on repeat.

What does he mean by leaving a load in the machine?

I think women are just as bad at dancing round issues EXCEPT for when household chores are involved. IME anyway!

I get this.

Really?

I find women are the worst for it at work /socially actually

I’ve done the hoovering FOR YOU
Ive washed up FOR YOU

Thank fuck I’m divorced…. 🎉