To no longer respond to hints

This will be childhood behaviour of him telling his mum he’s thirsty and her hooping up and running to get him what he needs. He didn’t need to ask - very basic language ‘I’m thirsty’ solve this for me. Was he spoilt? That or he sounds like a massively entitled prick with a superiority complex - does he think he’s the king or something in your house? Can see why you’re pissed off

Overheard in my garden, from nextdoor for fuck sakes Paul, you're a grown man, find your own fucking shoes!

Lol, are we married to the same person?!

Mine also fishes for compliments too.

He used to often say "I've done some washing" or "I've picked up the dead mouse that the cat brought in" in a way that suggests there's a silent "...for you" at the end, or he wants me to say thank you. What he gets in reality is an "OK".

He did comment on the "OK" once and I just replied "Well I don't list out all the domestic chores I've done while you're out do I?"

I'm re-training his brain gradually though as he doesn't do it anywhere near as much any more.

The fishing for compliments when he's taken me out for dinner or a day out for a birthday or something do annoy me. I'll always say thank you at the end of a meal or trip, but he'll constantly bring it up "Did you enjoy the meal?" or "That was a good meal wasn't it?" or "You've had a good day haven't you?". I've actually started saying "I've already said yes, it was lovely and thank you - you don't need to keep asking me for more gratitude".

Thank heavens he also stopped saying about his friend "He can't meet up this weekend as he's babysitting" - that one really pissed me off! Before he retrained his brain it was quite funny to watch though: "He can't meet up this weekend as he's babysitting, shit, er, bollocks, I mean he's got the kids as Tania's out for the day". 😂

I've heard him repeating some of the things I say to him to our nephews though, so I'd like to think I'm helping the next generation be better in the absence of any DC of our own!

I wish it was childhood behaviour - MIL still waits on DH and BIL hand and foot the moment they step in to her house. They are allowed to do jobs but only ‘manly’ jobs (DIY tasks mainly) and are lavished with praise for things like changing a lightbulb 🙄 She seems genuinely mystified that her two DILs are not only unimpressed by this but that we both expect 50/50 splits in our homes. She does the passive aggressive hinting as well, so it’s clear where that came from!

“I haven’t got any clean running kit”. On repeat. 🤷‍♀️

My DH doesn't hint at me to do things for him, but it does say equally annoying things.

For example. I'll go out shopping - or out to meet a friend, and I'm out for like, three hours ... When I come back, he's done the washing and drying up and put the washing on and hung it out. (Doesn't do it very often. Maybe twice a month.) He tells me he's done it as soon as I step foot in the house.

I just say, 'Oh, that's great. Thanks.' Then he says, 'you didn't mind me doing the washing up for you, did you?' and 'you didn't mind me doing the washing for you, did you?' He's obviously after me saying, 'no, of course not. I'm actually really grateful and happy that you did it' with a big grateful happy smile!

But all he gets from me is, 'why the hell would I mind you doing the washing up, and the washing, which, you know, is pretty much 50% yours?!' He basically tries to fish for compliments. And when he does household tasks, he always says that he's done them for me. He says 'I've run the hoover around the house. Saved you a job.' with a big smile, and eagerly awaiting thanks and praise.

My other half's way is "do you know what happened with X" when he is clearly asking if I did something. I.e. "do you know why the toilet roll is empty". Yes, because I didn't change it at 5am when I got up to feed the baby and had a quick pee. Given im the only other person that uses that loo, if you don't know about it, then it's safe to assume a burglar hadn't gotten in just to leave an empty roll. Did it require a bloody patronising conversation to high light my failures?

Ask me what you mean or dont bloody ask.

I'm wondering if it's some sort of don't ask for help it's a sign of weakness or a fear of rejection thing.

No, he doesn’t, he’s a grown up who either does it himself or asks if I can do it, occasionally asks if I know where something is but never acts like I should know or it’s my responsibility to keep track of his shit.
Once and only once has he suggested he was helping me, I glared, he very quickly retracted it and said something along the lines of it being a bad choice of words and he didn’t mean to suggest it was my responsibility and was aware that he was also an adult living in the house and these things were equally his responsibility.
I said nothing in response, just nodded, it has never happened again.

Another thing I do with the we thing is put on a posh accent and say ooh is this the royal we and take the piss.

You have to challenge this shit. Like he used to walk into the kitchen and start faffing with the cooking, turning the heating up or down, adding salt, etc so I created the You Interfere, You Volunteer rule. The second he put his nose into something I was doing, I handed it over and left the room.

That cured the fucker.

In the interests of fairness I must say I have some equally infuriating habits that he's had to put up with and/or train me out of. It's not a one way thing here. I'm frustrating to live with too.

If you can’t beat him join him. Tell him about every bit of housework you do “for him”. In our house this is a running joke every time I do the dishwasher I tell my partner I did it “for him”.

@FetchezLaVache this irritates me so fucking much. DH is a mechanical engineer..builds machinery and racking systems with complicated sensors inside giant warehouses, but can I set the cat feeders because he doesn't know how to do it...it's too complicated 🙄
Why do some men use all their capacity at work but can't be fucked at home?

I also get the 'the litter tray needs cleaning/this house is a mess/this or that needs doing'. I point out it will be me then or take it as a jab and he says no, no I didn't mean you have to do it. Then doesn't do it and works away all week. Then does the whole 'im sorry, I'm so rubbish' so he expects sympathy for being shit and me doing everything. (Wow not sure where all that came from!!)

I created the You Interfere, You Volunteer rule. The second he put his nose into something I was doing, I handed it over and left the room.

Oh this is exactly me, I do the exact same thing! , "if you want to cook this bolognese do go ahead, I'm not doing it because I want to, I'm off to read a book" - he doesn't interfere anymore!

I wish it was childhood behaviour - MIL still waits on DH and BIL hand and foot the moment they step in to her house. They are allowed to do jobs but only ‘manly’ jobs (DIY tasks mainly) and are lavished with praise for things like changing a lightbulb 🙄 She seems genuinely mystified that her two DILs are not only unimpressed by this but that we both expect 50/50 splits in our homes. She does the passive aggressive hinting as well, so it’s clear where that came from!

This will be childhood behaviour of him telling his mum he’s thirsty and her hooping up and running to get him what he needs. He didn’t need to ask - very basic language ‘I’m thirsty’ solve this for me. Was he spoilt? That or he sounds like a massively entitled prick with a superiority complex - does he think he’s the king or something in your house? Can see why you’re pissed off