To no longer respond to hints

Oh god yes I'm always the middle man?

Is dad busy Saturday?
Is dd working tomorrow ?
What does dad want for his birthday?

I now just say I don't know you'd better ask yourself

With all due respect, I think you are missing the point.

If he texts me to ask whether we need any supplies and I'm at home and he is coming home from work via the supermarket, all well and good. He often does the shopping. More often than I do, come to think of it.

I mentioned the cat food one because I though it was funny. You obviously didn't think so. Sorry about that.

My mum used to do this. 'Would you like to hang the washing out?' Well no actually I wouldn't

But this is literally contracting out the lowest value work to you.

How are you not incandescent with rage that he sees your role as merely looking after stuff, including the cat? I find it completely grim and am so happy I’m single now. Fact they often try to get you to resolve this incredibly difficult, torturous stuff when you’re either at work or socializing is so telling. Just turn your phone off, happier people all round ;)

DH has a tendency to text things like "Do we need milk / tomatoes <insert random food item>?" when he's on his way home from work, which is a fair enough question if I happen to be standing beside the fridge when he asks, because I can open it and have a look. He can then collect said item on the way.

One day, he texted "Do we need cat food?". I was at work 12 miles away, and he was at home...

My dh used to say, 'If you want, we can go to the tip on Saturday.'
Meaning 'will you take me to the tip on Saturday' (he doesn't drive). Eventually I persuaded him to ask properly, as it's him that wants to do it, rather than framing it as some big treat for me!
Had a good giggle the other day tho when DS said to him 'Daddy. Would you like to do me some fishfingers and chips" presented as a big treat that Daddy would enjoy (a bit like saying brightly to a toddler 'would you like to go to the park"?)

Yes to have we got mum a birthday card/present?
I always say I don't know. Have you? And point out I don't expect him to sort my mum's birthday card.
Also get the where did you put my wallet/phone/keys . Why the hell would I want them?
He says are you going to make a cup of tea? No you know where the kettle is. Are you going to do some washing? Again you know where the washing machine is. I wouldn't mind too much if he asked directly but are you going to is really annoying.

Next time he asks, look slowly calmly straight at him and gently raise your eyebrows. Bonus points if you do it whilst looking over the top of your spectacles.

😂

I just remembered when my twins were babies, and DD1 was two years old, DH didn’t get why I found it all rather overhwhelming and maybe less than fulfilling every moment of every day. I went out for the day (a very rare and exciting hospital appointment). DH sent me a text message detailing every domestic task he achieved when the babies were asleep, obviously expecting me to collect his medal on the way home. ie, “I just did a load of laundry.”, “When you get home, you’ll find the kitchen floor’s been swept.” Obviously made me clench my bum cheeks increasingly tighter by the end of the day. I decided to return the favour when he was at work. He had no idea… Every microscopic, NORMAL daily task of life was reported, from changing the bog roll, to wiping out the bin, to taking the nappy bin bag to the wheelie bin, to measuring up the formula for the evening bottles, etc, worming the dog, etc.
He realised that he may have come across as perhaps a tad patronising.

My late DM was also inclined towards "subtle " hints, in her later years; unfortunately for her, I had learned at her knee how to Take No Nonsense.
eg ("Sigh) You know, I can't remember the last time somebody brought me flowers......"
"Me neither. Bummer, isn't it?"

Maybe you should ask him if he has gone non-binary and you need to start calling him they?

One time my DH said "I don't have any clean socks" so I replied "oh dear. Well, check the odd sock bag and NEXT time this happens, come to me, and I'll draw you a little map showing where to find the washing machine."

Was quite pleased with that one 😁.

🤣

@Applesandpears23

"If you can’t beat him join him. Tell him about every bit of housework you do “for him”. In our house this is a running joke every time I do the dishwasher I tell my partner I did it “for him”.

Genius! 🤩🤩

@Doggymummar 🤣 I love your neighbour.

When I got together with DH quickly he learned not to use those type of hints, because I take it as an exact question and answer directly.

Him- Are you making tea?
Me- No.

@IncompleteSenten

this is epic

the You Interfere, You Volunteer rule!

I need that for work not home life. DH is a saint and does most of it

My DH was fed up with waiting for me to do it so did it when I was away a few days! Result 🤣

I miss our cats (RIP). "Where's the bloody cat put the <item that a cat could not have put anywhere>?" They weren't good for much (excelled at shedding fur, bringing in mice, scratching furniture) but they were very good for blame.

Sorry to bring the mood down but my ex would always ask where I had HIDDEN whatever he couldn't find. Obviously I hadn't moved it and had no idea but the claim that I had deliberately hidden whatever it was would set the mood of despair - how can he think I would , who does he think I am - and waiting for the next shoe to fall. Gaslighting and threat. Awful. So glad I am free from that.

These threads trigger me. I would have joined in previously, ribbing ex for being a twat and needing training. I always think what lies behind it. Twat in a loving relationship or abusive twat. Assuming that you can have a loving relationship with a twat.

He's now said "I might leave a load in the washing machine tomorrow morning"

"Try turning it on while you're at it." 🙄

Not rtft

"I've got some washing to do"
Do it

"Are you making a cup of tea?"
No

I'll be fair that the "I'm thirsty" and whatnot is irritating, but hasn't ended up under the patio as he's otherwise a good partner. Did 100% of cooking/chores when I was pregnant and really sick with literally zero complaining, especially when I'd often smell what I'd asked him to make and throw up and refuse to eat it. Still did most of chores on maternity leave because baby was very clingy.

He can be a bit naff with mental load, for example I say young child needs dinner, he asks what to give them, but I did counteract that by making a list of meals for his nursery bag/packed lunch so now he picks one of them instead of texting me at work to ask what to send for their lunch today etc.

He does get pissed off if someone sees him do drop off/pick up or takes to park and someone says how nice it is he's babysitting. He has been known to reply that it isn't babysitting when he's their bloody parent when he was particularly sleep deprived.

😂👍🏻