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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you expect to be invited?

59 replies

Tinogirl · 06/08/2024 20:27

DH’s female cousin is home at the moment having lived abroad for a decade.

They have gone out to dinner and I’m not invited. I’m really shocked.

Would you be or am I being stupid?

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 06/08/2024 21:33

Cousins having a catch up is all. It seems weird to me that you would only see your female cousins alone but male cousins you would always take your husband because they have things in common. I think you see the gender divide but that’s fine for your family.

It might be that her first meet with him is solo but she intends to meet you at some point or it might be that’s she’s just not that fussed as some people aren’t.

Disturbia81 · 06/08/2024 21:27

Flibflobflibflob · 06/08/2024 21:23

Yeah if no partners I would assume they want to sit around and reminisce or something. i would be fine with it.

This, it would change the dynamic to bring partners
I like doing social stuff without my partner

Original poster
Tinogirl · 06/08/2024 21:26

It just the two of them going out tonight.

While she has been away for a decade they have actually met during that time.

OP posts:
Flibflobflibflob · 06/08/2024 21:23

Yeah if no partners I would assume they want to sit around and reminisce or something. i would be fine with it.

ToothPickk · 06/08/2024 21:21

Who else have they gone out with?

Whaleandsnail6 · 06/08/2024 21:20

I dont think its weird since you arent the only one not invited. Sounds like its family catch up without having to potentially explain old stories ect.

I'd just suggest anothet meet up whilst they are here that every one is involved with.

Original poster
Tinogirl · 06/08/2024 21:02

I would really be itching to meet the partners of my cousins and I would want them to meet my husband.

Clearly neither of them feel like me.

OP posts:
MissAmbrosia · 06/08/2024 21:02

When I go back to UK and ask to meet up with cousins/Aunties I expect to see them and not various other people. This might be because I normally offer to pay and get pissed off that every one wants to bring extra people. I really wouldn't take this personally.

Starlightstarbright3 · 06/08/2024 20:59

You’re not weird to want to meet her … but it’s ok to catch up with family without partners too .

Original poster
Tinogirl · 06/08/2024 20:58

OK I accept I must be a big weird!

OP posts:
ZekeZeke · 06/08/2024 20:56

So you have never met her and no other partners are going.
I 💯 wouldn't be expected to be invited, nor would I want to. She is a stranger to you.

Original poster
Tinogirl · 06/08/2024 20:56

@OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon

Only one of them and not for a decade and I was excited to meet her now husband and introduce them both to my DH (We saw them at a wedding but had this not happened we would have met together, all four of us).

OP posts:
Procrastinates · 06/08/2024 20:53

I don't get why you think you'd be invited, nor why you'd even want to go? She wants to catch up with her cousin why would you be included?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 06/08/2024 20:51

and have all of your cousins ' lived abroad for a decade. ' ?!!!

OneTC · 06/08/2024 20:50

She wants a family get together and I imagine you'll meet her at some other point.

One of my sisters is like that, she wants to do family only things sometimes, while the rest of the family view partners as family. It has lead to friction.

Original poster
Tinogirl · 06/08/2024 20:47

Christ I only mentioned she was a woman as I wouldn’t want to go out with a couple of boozy guys. I wasn’t suggesting there was some incest thing going on!

I see a couple of female cousins occasionally for lunch but I would naturally invite my husband to a dinner with my male cousin, I have three of them as I think they’d have something in common. I wouldn’t feel the need to see any of my cousins alone.

OP posts:
TonyeKnausgaard · 06/08/2024 20:45

No, I wouldn't be at all shocked. It sounds totally normal.

Overthebow · 06/08/2024 20:43

If no partners are invited then no, I wouldn't expect to be invited. It's a family dinner and she probably just wants it to be her cousins she knows rather than new people she's never met for this one and that's ok.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 06/08/2024 20:42

Partners not invited / you've never met her :

do you not trust your husband with his female cousin ?
or is he not allowed out without you ?
are you very clingy or lack confidence that you need to accompany your husband everywhere ?

why are you ' shocked ' ?

80schildhood · 06/08/2024 20:41

If no other partners were going and you and hadn't met her then your partner would be focussed on you and how comfortable you were and including you in the chat. With no partners there he can give his full attention to his cousin he hasn't seen in years and they can unapologetically reminisce or talk about their shared histories.

If you were the only partner excluded or they had regular nights where you weren't included then I'd understand your hurt but as a one off I wouldn't even bat an eyelid.

selldonaterecycle · 06/08/2024 20:39

Sounds like she wants to catch up on family and with those who she is familiar with. Perhaps she'll be meeting any newbies at a later date. I wouldn't be bothered about it though OP. You can't have done anything wrong anyway as she's never met you!

mindutopia · 06/08/2024 20:38

No, i wouldn’t expect to be invited to a dinner of someone I’ve never met before. It sounds like she wants a catch up with close family after being away for so long, not a big meet the partners (and presumably kids, someone will need to bring them along) dinner.

Meeting partners and babies is for a BBQ or Sunday lunch. It’s fine they enjoy their dinner and catch up.

MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 06/08/2024 20:38

No, I would expect them to want to catch up alone. With you there they'd have to be polite and avoid too much talk about shared memories and people they knew that you might not.

kittybiscuits · 06/08/2024 20:36

I think it's bonkers not to include you!

Iloveshihtzus · 06/08/2024 20:35

Tinogirl · 06/08/2024 20:31

Never met her. I would think she would want to meet. Husband did ask if partners were invited and she said no.

Why on earth would you want to go then? I meet up with overseas cousins when they return - maybe every 5-10 years; DH has never come with me. I have never gone to meet his.

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