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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you expect to be invited?

59 replies

Tinogirl · 06/08/2024 20:27

DH’s female cousin is home at the moment having lived abroad for a decade.

They have gone out to dinner and I’m not invited. I’m really shocked.

Would you be or am I being stupid?

OP posts:
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Maria1979 · 09/08/2024 18:45

Tinogirl · 09/08/2024 09:25

@ThaTrìCaitAgam

He says he knew I would be annoyed but he thinks it will be good for his daughter to meet her cousins.

He did say that when they move back permanently he will invite them all away (somewhere his family used to go) so I can meet them then.

He also said that I probably haven’t entered cousin’s head as she is so preoccupied at the moment.

Well, have you entered DH's head? I mean if I were him I'd say "OK if I bring X, she would love to meet you". I think it is weird to exclude you because you are not a fling or a date, your couple is established. I would never invite a family member without partner, it's not polite. So I'm with you on this one OP.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 09/08/2024 12:09

does she have time to be interested in spouses ? people she hasn't met/doesn't know
how long is she on holiday for

Original poster
Tinogirl · 09/08/2024 12:03

I think and DH has conceded that she is probably not terribly interested in cousins’ spouses and when prompted by me he admitted showed no interest in me or my daughter.

He will never turn down an invitation for his daughter anywhere that involved his family no matter what. He has said this.
Fair enough!

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 09/08/2024 11:52

cousin is seeing direct blood family first
and it made perfect sense to see dh first then his child

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 09/08/2024 11:50

don't make this all about you
it's not
it's all about his cousin being away for a long time

of course he cannot invite 2 extra people

Original poster
Tinogirl · 09/08/2024 11:48

He will be going with his daughter, my stepdaughter to stay in a house owned by her parents-in-law.

I would say that they are her cousins as well and her dad would most definitely insist that they were but cousin’s own children will be there as well although slightly older and different sex.

DH says he can’t ask for two other people to be invited.

DH said he will invite us all to an Airbnb in a place that was special to their grandparents when they’re settled back in the UK.

I know people disagree but I can’t help feeling left out.

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 09/08/2024 11:03

' his daughter '

yes ?

so the cousin is doing it slowly bit by bit
makes perfect sense

and I guess she will meet you before she meets your daughter

IncompleteSenten · 09/08/2024 10:42

She doesn't view you as family and he's fine with that.

That's a big deal imo.

LocalHobo · 09/08/2024 10:39

He says he knew I would be annoyed but he thinks it will be good for his daughter to meet her cousins.
They aren't his DD's cousins though, are they? What would it be...second cousin? Cousin once removed?
Sounds like she doesn't want to see your DH as a part of a happy family for whatever reason.
A meal out was fair enough if she was treating him, but a family get-together? I hope he refuses unless you are included.

Ahhhhhbisto · 09/08/2024 10:32

Why don't you invite to cousin to yours? Bbq or dinner or something.

twentysevendresses · 09/08/2024 09:32

I was 'that cousin' who lived overseas for 14 years. In the space of me leaving the UK and returning 14 years later, various cousins (and other relatives) had got married. I didn't know their partners.

When I returned I had a catch up with them (over a few weeks...not as a big family meeting). On each occasion it was just me and my cousins...family gatherings have a very specific 'vibe' about them, with many 'do you remember when...?' type conversations, which can leave the 'non family' members a bit out on a limb. Shared history and reminiscing is really important (with friends too) and is often best 'just you two/three/however many'.

I did of course meet partners later, which was lovely.

I suspect your DH and his cousin feel similar. Don't take it personally...it's not 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
Tinogirl · 09/08/2024 09:25

@ThaTrìCaitAgam

He says he knew I would be annoyed but he thinks it will be good for his daughter to meet her cousins.

He did say that when they move back permanently he will invite them all away (somewhere his family used to go) so I can meet them then.

He also said that I probably haven’t entered cousin’s head as she is so preoccupied at the moment.

OP posts:
seriesoffortunateevents · 09/08/2024 09:21

Is it like a massive fomo op? Or do you not like him doing things alone. Maybe lonely or bored?

ActualChips · 09/08/2024 09:19

Tinogirl · 06/08/2024 21:02

I would really be itching to meet the partners of my cousins and I would want them to meet my husband.

Clearly neither of them feel like me.

Would you?

I've never given a cousins boyfriend or girlfriend a moments thought.

ThaTrìCaitAgam · 09/08/2024 09:17

Tinogirl · 09/08/2024 09:08

Right I accept that I was a bit weird about dinner but now his cousin has invited him and my stepdaughter to her parents-in-law’s house next weekend.

My daughter and I are not invited. I know we’ve never met her but really!

Well, that is odd. How did your DH react to this latest invitation?

Original poster
Tinogirl · 09/08/2024 09:08

Right I accept that I was a bit weird about dinner but now his cousin has invited him and my stepdaughter to her parents-in-law’s house next weekend.

My daughter and I are not invited. I know we’ve never met her but really!

OP posts:
Noseybookworm · 06/08/2024 22:15

I'm surprised that you're shocked to be honest. I'd be quite happy for my DH to meet up with a cousin without me. You'd probably be really bored with them talking about old times and family gossip!

lizzyBennet08 · 06/08/2024 22:14

Honestly I have zero interest in meeting my cousins other halves. I love catching up with my cousins though, we have a shared childhood history and love to reminisce. Partners are only in the way .

blushroses6 · 06/08/2024 21:55

I don’t think it’s personal but a bit odd. Unless it was a girls shopping trip/baby shower or something, i’d always invite my partner to any family events/meals. Once you reach a certain age I think it’s quite normal for partners to come along too. But then i’m not particularly close to my cousins so would welcome my partners conversation!

NewName24 · 06/08/2024 21:47

"Shocked"

I mean, have you led a particularly sheltered life ?

Fair play, you have agreed you are being a bit weird. But it seems odd that this "shocks" you.

Maria1979 · 06/08/2024 21:45

Oh, so it's just your DH who's invited? Then I would think it's weird not asking you to come as well. Why didn't DH say "I'll bring my partner, I would love for you to meet her!"?

MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 06/08/2024 21:38

Tinogirl · 06/08/2024 21:35

God I feel really weird now. You all think I am barmy. Honestly, I was upset about it. What does mumsnet say? “I will give my head a wobble!”

I don't think you're weird or barmy. There are so many AIBU threads about invitations precisely because they are complex and bring up complex feelings. But hopefully from the thread you can see most people wouldn't invite partners to this event so it's not personal!

Londonrach1 · 06/08/2024 21:36

Yabu judging by what you saying ...you not meet her and no other partners are going. Sounds like it's a cousin meet up...

Original poster
Tinogirl · 06/08/2024 21:35

God I feel really weird now. You all think I am barmy. Honestly, I was upset about it. What does mumsnet say? “I will give my head a wobble!”

OP posts:
ToothPickk · 06/08/2024 21:33

I think its weird. But that's because in my family we would all welcome each other, no need to kinda sneak off alone and not invite partners. It's just how we all are, both sides.

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