To think people have the wrong idea about the reason parents use private schools?

Fewer kids, OP.

I'm a single parent and without the wraparound care and holiday club at my DS' private school I couldn't work (I'm a hospital doctor in the NHS)

@Alfonsoo ,

I am not sure what your son’s success has to do with my post.

An old friend of mine went to Eton, and he's a removals man.

When we first met, i said 'i bet your parents were thrilled?!'

And he said that they just want me to be happy.

But, if and when the day comes when he doesn't want to be a removals man any longer - he has plenty of options to choose something else.

My child has got the top result in every single exam they’ve ever taken, at first from Cambridge and a sports blue.

What kind of school did they go to? Oh yes, a state one.

Plus, why should your children be “saved” purely because you can afford it?

These sorts of stories (that you only seem to hear about on MN) are irrelevant to any debate on what benefit private schools bring to a society. And we all know, without question, that this is not why 99.9% of parents use them. The majority of them do not even fulfill their charitable obligations, the majority of them have increased their fees 600% over the last 20 years, way over the line of inflation just to compete on luxuriant facilities for the super wealthy (only sporting and music has been improved, rather than teaching quality or increased offers of scholarships or bursaries). Let’s not pretend, ever, that any purpose of these schools is to ‘save’ children from the state sector.

As an ex teacher in two London private schools, I can tell you that results are overwhelmingly the reason that they are chosen. The second reason is probably that the parents have never seriously considered the state sector as generations have gone to private school before them and they don’t really see any realistic alternatives.
After that comes the experience, facilities etc.

If you look at most private school websites, results and leavers’ destinations will be among the most prominent attributes. At parents’ evenings, by far the longest discussions are about grades and how to improve them.

Of course, private schools are competitive and, in addition to ‘added value’, they also need to offer co-curricular opportunities and high level music and drama etc. But, if they aren’t getting the results, no matter how good the rest is, they will fail.

OP, you are conflating results and money. Regardless of whether they need the money (and I have taught billionaires’ children), they are aspirational for their children, both for the right reasons, but also because it is yet another feather in their cap if their son or daughter gets a full set of 9s or ends up at a top uni.

Good for you. You have a lovely state school. In my eyes that is the BIGGEST LUXURY of all. I live in one of the most sought after catchments in my part of the country. My child serves 3 years of secondary state schooling. The violence was off the scale. The disruption was daily chair throwing, kids telling the teachers to f-off, kids running off out of class, there were barely any extra curricular activities and kids were getting an endless succession of non-subject specific supply teachers. That’s why we changed our child to private school. The VERY BEST decision we ever made.

I appreciate not everyone can afford to do this. That’s why I think it’s unacceptable for Labour to have decided against increasing VAT / NI / income tax when state schooling in so many areas is a complete and utter piss take. Just think yourself lucky that you seem to have no understanding of quite how unfathomably bad it could be.

Then you did the right thing, it's important to be able to identify with the values of fellow parents.

My parents sent me to private school because they didn't want my education disrupted by me moving schools every couple of years once I got to secondary school.

I've n ever really thought about it but I assume it's to access a better standard of education/experience of the education setting

I voted YABU because this parent of a child at a small rural independent school, does not have huge family wealth 😳

I'm a single mum with a ds on a 50% academic scholarship. DS came out of state primary frustrated, angry, miserable, lonely. He asked to try for the highly competitive scholarship, and when he won it, what was I supposed to do, say no?

His half fees cost me every penny, but he's happy, engaged, fulfilled. THAT is why I scrimp and save.

It's not for the 'experience', the small class sizes or the swimming pool, it's because my ds can now learn his maths and physics without being bullied for being a 'swot', Because he can read novels without having his book taken & thrown in the mud at lunchtime. Because I hated seeing him so unhappy and would have done anything in my power to help him.

My son is severely dyslexic. I knew that no secondary would be able to provide for his needs. I found a private school with a dyslexic unit . I remortgaged my home and moved to another part of the country so he could go there.
The school did wonders for his self confidence. I’m still paying for the fees because of the second remortgage. He now owns his own business and home. I’d do it again.
My daughter is very academic and studies hard. She has excelled at a very strict comprehensive. Is starting the new term as head girl.
It’s horses for courses, we’re not a communist country, people want and should have choice.

Exam results never entered my head when I chose a school for my son. I looked at all the available state schools and all 3 were dreadful. All 3 made it clear that my child was not welcome on the visit, none of them seemed the least bit interested in him. I was not given the opportunity to ask questions so I have no idea how they planned to help him with dyslexia. So we phoned our most local independant school and nervously asked if we could take him to the open day. They roared with laughter, had obviously heard the question before. Of course he must come, the day was for him. There was just no comparison with the state offering. I worked every hour that God sent, we had the cheapest of holidays, 5 day caravan type and drove a ratty old banger. It was the best spent money in all my life. He absolutely thrived. He left university with 2 job offers, went straight into his chosen proffesion and has risen well. He now works in a nationally recognised institution.

I've always assumed that for most parents choosing private education, networking and social life was at least half the motivation.

The constant stream of pernickity threads about such a minority concern aren't gaining sympathy for private parents, though.

We know it's not for the half a grade boost in A level results (that's wiped out by the time they graduate), it's about paying for the soft skills, resources and privilege.

It's the parents that claim they're paying for a better education that are either deluded or disingenuous.

My dh won a scholarship to a high end private school and it was precisely for the reason of not associating with riff raff.

Agree with previous posters. Most people are not interested in why others attend private school, or even give it a second thought. Most people don't even know anyone who attends private school.

The things that get people worked up is private school parents who are completely unaware of their own privilege and seem to think they are not wealthy and just have tens of thousands of pounds spare each year because of their choice of holiday destination, and private school parents who claim they make "sacrifices" for their child's education as if the rest of us who use state education don't care about our kids.

Brilliant, that will be another good way of the Chancellor raising additional revenue then.

VAT isn’t a tax on luxuries. There are plenty of luxuries we don’t tax.

We generally tax luxuries.

Very similar reasons to this poster.

I’m not desperate for VAT to be paid, I’m desperate for those whinging to shut up about it. If you care so deeply about the condition of state schools then donate all your private school fees to your local state school. But of course you won’t.

My children’s state school is absolutely excellent. All my friends, colleagues, family and acquaintances are happy with their state schools across a varied area of the UK. The hysteria reported by private school parents to justify their luxury of choice (ahem, sorry, their ‘only’ choice, because apparently affording upwards of £4k termly is not a luxury), is so out of touch it’s laughable.