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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - not inviting everyone to the leaving do is a dick move

240 replies

Packingcubesqueen · 06/08/2024 15:19

I work in a school. One of the other teachers is leaving. They have invited a group of people to their leaving do and left a few out. The people who have been invited are various ages and job positions (SLT, TAs, Teachers etc) she has basically just excluded a few people she doesn’t like (including me). I have never had any conflict with this person, there is no back story that I know of. I am often excluded from things but never with so many others being included. Usually about half of us aren’t invited. We are also having a lunch on her last day, that is for everyone. She didn’t organise the lunch.
YABU - it’s her leaving do she can invite who she likes
YANBU - it’s a dick move

OP posts:
KrisAkabusi · 06/08/2024 15:42

Maybe try some numbers here because you keep saying "a few" and "almost everyone". Schools vary in size so almost everyone could be any number between 5 and 200. How many are invited out and how many are excluded? That will have a bearing on whether you are being unreasonable or not.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 06/08/2024 15:42

gosh you are beginning to come across as the 17 year old work experience girl, not an adult - which I guess you really are.
I do hope you don't sign her leaving card and leave a fake message.

kimchi81 · 06/08/2024 15:42

Packingcubesqueen · 06/08/2024 15:36

She’s invited almost everyone

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How many?

OP why are you used to being excluded from events?

rather then getting worked up about yet another event you’re excluded from, what about beginning to think about why

MoveToParis · 06/08/2024 15:40

It’s both- her choice and a dick move.

Prawncow · 06/08/2024 15:38

Packingcubesqueen · 06/08/2024 15:34

Im not making her night out about me. I’m making this thread about me because I was interested in others opinions. I’m not saying anything at work which is why I’m asking on here. I wouldn’t dream of excluding just a few people. I’d just invite everyone or just a few mates who I’m particularly close with.

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That’s what we tell children to do when it comes to birthday parties. Adults get to make their own choices. If there’s a work leaving lunch then I’m assuming this is personal leaving drinks off premises?

gamerchick · 06/08/2024 15:37

So you dont have to socialise with people you work with OR contribute to a leaving gift? Wins all round.

Original poster
Packingcubesqueen · 06/08/2024 15:36

kimchi81 · 06/08/2024 15:35

or just a few mates who I’m particularly close with

and that’s what she’s done

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She’s invited almost everyone

OP posts:
kimchi81 · 06/08/2024 15:35

Packingcubesqueen · 06/08/2024 15:34

Im not making her night out about me. I’m making this thread about me because I was interested in others opinions. I’m not saying anything at work which is why I’m asking on here. I wouldn’t dream of excluding just a few people. I’d just invite everyone or just a few mates who I’m particularly close with.

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or just a few mates who I’m particularly close with

and that’s what she’s done

kimchi81 · 06/08/2024 15:35

. I am often excluded from things

interesting

Original poster
Packingcubesqueen · 06/08/2024 15:34

Ivehearditbothways · 06/08/2024 15:31

So? It’s not about you. It’s not your night out. It’s hers, for her and colleagues she is friends with. Why are you trying to make it about you?

I hope you don’t come across quite to whiney at work.

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Im not making her night out about me. I’m making this thread about me because I was interested in others opinions. I’m not saying anything at work which is why I’m asking on here. I wouldn’t dream of excluding just a few people. I’d just invite everyone or just a few mates who I’m particularly close with.

OP posts:
Ivehearditbothways · 06/08/2024 15:34

It’s not about you! No one is saying that you don’t like her. That doesn’t matter either way.

She doesn’t like you. It’s her night. You’re not invited. Get over it.

BadNeighbour101 · 06/08/2024 15:34

If it's in the staff room, it's very rude.

It's in a private setting, bar or pub or whatever, of course she can invite whoever she wants. It might not be wise, you should not burn bridges when you leave somewhere, she never know when she might bump back into you. She should have sucked it up.

She doesn't like you, not sure why you would want her to invite you anyway.

No one on MN can know if she has valid reasons or not.

Itiswhysofew · 06/08/2024 15:32

YABU, even though it's not great knowing that you're not liked. It's her leaving do and she only wants her buddies there.

Do you not even have an inkling as to why she's not keen on you?

Rosemarysprinkle · 06/08/2024 15:31

This happens in life, child or adult. Kids get excluded from parties, adults get excluded from meet ups at work or with friends. I’m surprised this has shocked you so much.

F it, she’s leaving, she can do what she wants, she doesn’t owe anyone anything imo

StuckOnTheCeiling · 06/08/2024 15:31

Youve not specified what kind of event this is? Assuming it’s off the premises and out of hours, you’re being entirely unreasonable. You’re also not the only person not invited. There’s a school-hosted lunch which everyone is invited to, and then something for her which just the people she gets on with are invited to. Would you expect an invitation to her birthday party?

This is all totally irrelevant to whether she has reason to dislike you or not, she may or may not be unreasonable for that.

Original poster
Packingcubesqueen · 06/08/2024 15:31

I don’t know why everyone keeps saying I don’t like her. Until now I thought we got on fine. She and a group of others often go out but this time almost everyone has been asked except me and a few others. I think that’s a bit rude and unnecessary. It’s not like we don’t get on or have had any beef.

OP posts:
EatTheGnome · 06/08/2024 15:31

Dick move.

Everyone knows you invite everyone to the afternoon work drink and then your actual friends stay out for the night.

Ivehearditbothways · 06/08/2024 15:31

Packingcubesqueen · 06/08/2024 15:28

She may not like me but I have no issue with her.

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So? It’s not about you. It’s not your night out. It’s hers, for her and colleagues she is friends with. Why are you trying to make it about you?

I hope you don’t come across quite to whiney at work.

Sunshineafterthehail · 06/08/2024 15:29

Smashing imo. No need to put in for a gift or buy any drinks...

Killingoffmyflowersonebyone · 06/08/2024 15:29

I’d be super pleased if I wasn’t invited to leaving drinks for someone I obviously didn’t like and who didn’t like me. No idea why anyone wouldn’t be happy with that development

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 06/08/2024 15:28

PeachPairPlum · 06/08/2024 15:23

Agree with you. I've had this and - perhaps childishly- regretted contributing to her leaving gift.

I’m happy to be childish - wouldn’t give a bean to someone who made it clear she didn’t like me 😆

Original poster
Packingcubesqueen · 06/08/2024 15:28

kimchi81 · 06/08/2024 15:26

let me guess

her “leaving do” is to the pub for a few drinks with friends? a meal out?

who would want their night to say goodbye to those they care about and enjoyed working with spoilt by having to share the evening with someone that they don’t like and does nott like then

She may not like me but I have no issue with her.

OP posts:
kimchi81 · 06/08/2024 15:28

Packingcubesqueen · 06/08/2024 15:27

She hasn’t left a fair few out most people are invited. Only a few of us are not invited.

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because she obviously is popular and gets o. with most people

Ivehearditbothways · 06/08/2024 15:27

Packingcubesqueen · 06/08/2024 15:25

Not more closely no. Just people she likes.

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So what’s wrong with that? Do you actually think it’s weird to go out with people from work that you like after your last day?

Why would she invite people she doesn’t like? You’re already having a lunch for everyone. That’s the obligatory event for someone leaving. She is then having a night out with people she likes. Leave it alone.

kimchi81 · 06/08/2024 15:27

Packingcubesqueen · 06/08/2024 15:26

I wasn’t hiding that fact. Obviously this is why I’m posting.

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why on earth would she invite people she does not like and who don’t like her…. to a farewell evening arranged by her and off site and out of hours??!!