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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU - not inviting everyone to the leaving do is a dick move

240 replies

Packingcubesqueen · 06/08/2024 15:19

I work in a school. One of the other teachers is leaving. They have invited a group of people to their leaving do and left a few out. The people who have been invited are various ages and job positions (SLT, TAs, Teachers etc) she has basically just excluded a few people she doesn’t like (including me). I have never had any conflict with this person, there is no back story that I know of. I am often excluded from things but never with so many others being included. Usually about half of us aren’t invited. We are also having a lunch on her last day, that is for everyone. She didn’t organise the lunch.
YABU - it’s her leaving do she can invite who she likes
YANBU - it’s a dick move

OP posts:
Original poster
Packingcubesqueen · 06/08/2024 15:55

Ivehearditbothways · 06/08/2024 15:53

Sorry, but when someone says they are often excluded… then it’s clear there is some kind of issue with them. We all have some people who we don’t get on with or who don’t like us, but when you’re habitually excluded by more than one or two people then there is something going on. There is a reason.

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I’m excluded by a specific group of teachers, who I assumed just didn’t warm to me. I’m not excluded in life. I have lots of long standing friends and have never had issues in other work places.

OP posts:
kimchi81 · 06/08/2024 15:54

Packingcubesqueen · 06/08/2024 15:53

If I wrote a thread that wasn’t about me that would be a bit odd? Can’t I ask a question?

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good grief

do you really not understand this poster’s point OP?

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 06/08/2024 15:54

Theresalwaystomorrowihope · 06/08/2024 15:52

Seems to me quite a few pp are making quite unpleasant unfounded assumptions about OP.

Might have something to do with her attitude in this thread?

Cosyblankets · 06/08/2024 15:53

When you have any kind of occasion you invite the people you want there. And you don't invite the people you don't.
What bit don't you get?

Original poster
Packingcubesqueen · 06/08/2024 15:53

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 06/08/2024 15:51

Maybe it's because you whine and don't seem to understand it's not all about you

If I wrote a thread that wasn’t about me that would be a bit odd? Can’t I ask a question?

OP posts:
Ivehearditbothways · 06/08/2024 15:53

Theresalwaystomorrowihope · 06/08/2024 15:52

Seems to me quite a few pp are making quite unpleasant unfounded assumptions about OP.

Sorry, but when someone says they are often excluded… then it’s clear there is some kind of issue with them. We all have some people who we don’t get on with or who don’t like us, but when you’re habitually excluded by more than one or two people then there is something going on. There is a reason.

Original poster
Packingcubesqueen · 06/08/2024 15:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Definitely not! I’m not at all involved in any of the stuff that goes on here. Which is why it’s annoying because there are some really bitchy people but they are going and I’m not. Maybe I’m just super boring. I don’t know what’s worse!

OP posts:
Theresalwaystomorrowihope · 06/08/2024 15:52

Seems to me quite a few pp are making quite unpleasant unfounded assumptions about OP.

Health47 · 06/08/2024 15:51

Killingoffmyflowersonebyone · 06/08/2024 15:29

I’d be super pleased if I wasn’t invited to leaving drinks for someone I obviously didn’t like and who didn’t like me. No idea why anyone wouldn’t be happy with that development

No where has OP said she doesn’t like this person everyone is just assuming that

alwaysmovingforwards · 06/08/2024 15:51

It’s clear this is a school environment but this is all yr7 playground stuff imo.

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 06/08/2024 15:51

Maybe it's because you whine and don't seem to understand it's not all about you

kimchi81 · 06/08/2024 15:50

just leave it be op

she wants to say goodbye with her colleagues with whom she’s friendly with

nothing wrong with that

and given you’re “used to being excluded”, i am surprised you are surprised

Original poster
Packingcubesqueen · 06/08/2024 15:50

Theresalwaystomorrowihope · 06/08/2024 15:46

Are you a different age bracket to the person leaving? Do you and her have different sorts of interests?

Perhaps she thinks you wouldn't be interested in her type of leaving do.

I used to work at a really cliquish place where there were only one or two of us older people and the younger ones never invited us to out of hours dos such as the one you describe. It was quite hurtful as it was really ageist.

I wondered if there was something similar going on here.

shes young and I'm 40 but some teachers in their 60’s have been invited.

OP posts:
LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 06/08/2024 15:50

When I retired, I had a group of colleagues who had supported me over the years, come to my house for afternoon tea. I did not invite the woman who regularly complained about me (and others) to the boss, who was really bitchy and generally unsupportive. She couldn't even say cheerio pleasantly on my last day. If you are that upset, speak to her and wish her well at her official do.

kimchi81 · 06/08/2024 15:49

Packingcubesqueen · 06/08/2024 15:48

I have no idea. It’s only this school that it’s ever happened in, and only with this group of people. I haven’t had issues before. She is in my department and everyone else from the department has been invited. Previously I thought I just wasn’t their cup of tea (one other teacher doesn’t seem to like me but she’s like that with a few others) but now it seems like I am actively disliked.
I’m not certain who has been invited and who hasn’t but a friend (who was invited) told me practically everyone is on the WhatsApp group.

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your friend isn’t adverse to shit of 🥄

Bumblebeestiltskin · 06/08/2024 15:49

Packingcubesqueen · 06/08/2024 15:28

She may not like me but I have no issue with her.

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But it's irrelevant whether you like her. She doesn't like you, so why would she invite you out?

kimchi81 · 06/08/2024 15:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Packingcubesqueen · 06/08/2024 15:48

kimchi81 · 06/08/2024 15:42

How many?

OP why are you used to being excluded from events?

rather then getting worked up about yet another event you’re excluded from, what about beginning to think about why

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I have no idea. It’s only this school that it’s ever happened in, and only with this group of people. I haven’t had issues before. She is in my department and everyone else from the department has been invited. Previously I thought I just wasn’t their cup of tea (one other teacher doesn’t seem to like me but she’s like that with a few others) but now it seems like I am actively disliked.
I’m not certain who has been invited and who hasn’t but a friend (who was invited) told me practically everyone is on the WhatsApp group.

OP posts:
Floating101 · 06/08/2024 15:47

I understand it OP, it's just a bit unkind really. I've had this done to me at work - only the person wasn't leaving, it was just a jolly. Feels good 😂

Cattenberg · 06/08/2024 15:46

It’s clearly a work’s night out if only colleagues (perhaps + partners) are invited. And IMO to invite all colleagues except for a few is a dick move. The exception would be if the few colleagues not invited were bullies.

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 06/08/2024 15:46

Packingcubesqueen · 06/08/2024 15:28

She may not like me but I have no issue with her.

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It's not your leaving do though is it?

Theresalwaystomorrowihope · 06/08/2024 15:46

Are you a different age bracket to the person leaving? Do you and her have different sorts of interests?

Perhaps she thinks you wouldn't be interested in her type of leaving do.

I used to work at a really cliquish place where there were only one or two of us older people and the younger ones never invited us to out of hours dos such as the one you describe. It was quite hurtful as it was really ageist.

I wondered if there was something similar going on here.

Sparklesandbeer · 06/08/2024 15:45

There is offical one for every. That's it. Separate outside she can invite who she wants

kimchi81 · 06/08/2024 15:44

I wouldn’t dream of excluding just a few people.

my leaving do
i don’t like a few people
i have literally no reason to invite them because not like i’ll ever work with them again

no flipping way would i invite them

id like to kick back with my colleagues who i’ve enjoyed working with and chew the fat and raise a glass with them

not with someone i haven’t enjoyed seeing every day for however many years

Iwant20cats · 06/08/2024 15:44

No I wouldn't go and I wouldn't contribute to any leaving gift either

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