AIBU - not inviting everyone to the leaving do is a dick move

Isn’t that a really obvious, normal thing to do??? If she’s having a leaving do why would she invite people she DOESN’T like? Surely that’s two faced?

Yes- that one was, thankfully. She did end up dragging a few people into the world’s most pointless mediation sessions, where said Tea was brought up again. I can’t remember if that was part of the Tea grievance or one of the others she raised for equally pointless things that could have just been solved with a conversation like an adult.
A total PITA.

I agree with you, I think it’s mean and unnecessary if she has invited eveyone but a few people. Some women are just like that, but I don’t know why!! Remember, it says more about them than you…

I think it's unpleasant personally if it is a large group. I'd invite everyone. People you don't like probably won't come and if they do you can just not spend much time with them, especially if there's quite a few of you. I don't understand posters that say this is OK. If she'd invited say 45/50 people in the team that's quite different to 3/8 say, so I do think the size of group here matters, but ultimately I'd invite everyone anyway.

She's a work colleague. None of these people are anything more than people you see because the governing body and headteacher chose you all as the best option for a particular role. Enjoy the fact that you don't have to go to yet another school thing in your own time . You will never see her again and I dare say neither will any of the people she has invited to this extra off-site do.

No-one likes everyone and you don't need to be somewhere you're not liked/wanted.

It makes sense she is only going to invite her friends or people she likes to her leaving drinks.
But that doesn't take away hurt in realising that you are 1 of few that she has left out. Especially as you work in the same department, to know that she doesn't want you at her leaving drinks.

This happened to me when a person I worked with, invited everyone in the department except me and another person to an event, they were hosting.

The other person not invited, had always kept themselves separate from everyone. Based on previous invites, wouldn't have even gone.
I felt quite awkward and hurt to suddenly realise that this person didn't see me as a friend. I worked the closest with the person and everyone knew I was the only other person not invited.
We had all gone out numerous times over the years as a group. I had even had meals out with this person
I decided to smile and wish them the best of luck with their event and afterwards, say I hope it went well.

what do you want management to do? It's a leaving do. It's better for everyone to let this go and move on.

I don't drink tea or coffee, I always tell new starters so they don't read anything into someone else not asking me.

However back to the OP, yanbu, but on the bright side she's leaving. Some of the responses on here are shocking though, verging on bullying.

I agree with you but every place I’ve worked all colleagues have always been invited to leaving dos.

It’s been established that omitting just a few people from social events is considered to be work place bullying. If she was inviting a selection of friends/just her department then it’s fine, but inviting the majority is not on.
I’m not sure what you would like to do about it. It is the responsibility of management to make sure that their employees are not bullied. It speaks badly to the culture of the school that it hasn’t been called out.

Why do you care so much? She’s leaving!!

If it is out of hours and off-site, then it is her choice. Just as you can think it a bad choice though.

please say the grievance was totally dismissed

Nope, not a school. It was someone who came in later than the rest of the team and the teas were made before they even arrived. It’s also the kind of environment you can get up and make a tea at any time, so it’s not like they went without. They just had to make their own when they arrived.
This person was unfortunately someone who was always out for office spats.

If she left a few out, it is a dick move. Its immature and nasty if only a few are left out. I certainly wouldn't be going to her leaving do.

How did you find out about it?

these tea rounds were during school hours
on school site
correct?

I had someone raise a grievance because they were missed out on tea rounds. Although I did want to roll my eyes, it can be seen as bullying (being missed out on tea rounds and eye rolling, actually!).
If she’d just invited her immediate team that would be fine, but opening invitations to wider colleagues but excluding others is a dick move.
I wouldn’t get upset by it though. It’s a reflection on her, not you. There are just some cultural things you have to do when you leave (provided you aren’t leaving under a cloud!) like the obligatory “thanks [insert manager’s name here] for all your support”, “I wish the team well” “yes, let’s invite everyone for a leaving drink (….even though I don’t know half of those people’s names)”. It’s just good etiquette in a professional capacity, particularly given how small some industries are.

I did the exact same, I went out for a drink with my actual work friends when I moved jobs. It’d be weird for her to invite people she didn’t like or didn’t have much to do with/in common with.
If you throw a party you invite your friends don’t you? You don’t invite every person you’ve ever said more than one word to

I was told by the person I shared an office with that the leaver invited people, she planned it. The one who decided she didn't like me was very manipulative and very quickly things got to the point where people didn't want to upset her, I assume they worried they'd be the next target. I worked there for 20 years, had always been popular but she made it unbearable. Fortunately I was due to retire the following year so I didn't have to put up with it for long. When I retired several people came to say goodbye and thanked me for things I'd done for them over the years. As I'd been there so long I was offered a big leaving do paid for by the company. I declined and told the one who organised that sort of thing that I knew certain people would be included and she agreed it would be awkward.

You don’t even know for sure how many people are or aren’t invited. It’s just your so call friend stirring the pot, I’d be much more annoyed with her. Why did she feel the need to tell you anything about an event which you aren’t invited to?

This

Shes invited her friends on her leaving do. Fair enough. Why would she invite people she doesnt like? She doesnt have to see them ever again