AIBU - not inviting everyone to the leaving do is a dick move

I think it’s fair enough for her to only invite people she likes on a night out.

When I left my last job I decided I didn’t like any of them enough to spend an evening of my time with so I didn’t even have a night out. Smiled through the phony leaver lunch and never looked back.

I agree. There's some really nasty comments.

OP it sucks and I get you, but not a lot you can do other than hold your head up and refuse to show you're bothered and if you haven't already put in the collection, don't

Inviting most people and not inviting a few is a spiteful move. Others are going to notice, which makes it even worse.

That actually can backfire if the child invites the whole class and only a few turn up though. I’ve seen that happen and it is heartbreaking for the child. Still remember them being reminded that they shouldn’t have done so because their mum told them only to invite specific people instead.

Her attitude might be something to do with some of the unpleasant comments about her?

That seems quite reasonable to me, particularly since she is leaving and doesn't have to pretend anymore. We either do team leaving do (and invite everyone obviously), or the person leaving organise their own and invite who they want. Or both.

It’s been the same at all my workplaces. In the case of OP’s coworker it’s both - there’s a lunch for everyone. The out-of-hours event was arranged via personal comms (not work emails) and it’s separate from the work event.

And I do think the fact that she’s leaving is key. This isn’t like having a holiday party and only including some of the staff as some PP have said. She stops being responsible for looking after team cohesiveness and rapport at end of day on her last day… you can’t really accuse someone of workplace bullying in a workplace they no longer work in.

I’ve had this too, and made sure I did contribute, minimally, to the leaving gift, so that I would have no issues about signing the card. I wrote a very prominent message in the card which could have been taken several ways - knowing she would take it the way I intended!

I get it, someone I used to work with hosted a BBQ at her house. She invited EVERYONE in my room in the office to it except me, but she forgot that I was the PA to one of the directors who she invited too. She sent the invite via outlook and so I saw it and all the people who were invited (due to being able to see the director's inbox). It really upset me because it confirmed she didn't like me. I'd always put her rudeness towards me down to her being a bit socially clumsy. At least it taught me not to bother with her in future, although it gave me lots of pleasure to be extra nice to her knowing that she didn't like me ;)

At least this person is leaving so you don't have to think about them ever again!

She asked if you were invited despite knowing that you weren’t in the WhatsApp group which makes it very obvious who is or isn’t invited?

Of course she was stirring the pot.

That seems quite reasonable to me, particularly since she is leaving and doesn't have to pretend anymore.
We either do team leaving do (and invite everyone obviously), or the person leaving organise their own and invite who they want. Or both.

Well, you've saved some money by not going.

It may be a RTFT situation but are you completely certain that you’ve been excluded intentionally?

I think it’s a dick move, if you’re inviting the majority then you invite everyone unless you’ve actively fallen out which doesn’t seem to be the case here. Not sure why you’ve been getting such a hard time on here Op, I think you’re not being unreasonable

I’d look more closely at why you are so bothered since it’s the only thing you can change. Not everyone likes everyone. You aren’t defined by whether she likes you or not (unless you’ve done something atrocious of course).

Aw yeah in that case I think she should’ve invited you all. I get why you’re upset, chin up and plan some nice things with your friends/family :)

Nope. Kids are humans too. No one should be forced to invite everyone to anything. I certainly wasn’t inviting the kid who repeatedly punched, kicked and bit my child. No way. He still got parties with the other kids.

I am sorry, but I am glad it happened. Now you will know how kids feel, when in class they give out invites. One for you, one for you, none for you, one for you. I think that woman is a bitch and I hope you will make a firm rule for your school - no birthday parties unless every child gets an invite (if it is only a boys' party, then all boys, same goes for girls). I shall never forget (it has been a good 13 years) a begging mum, asking another mum 'Why did you not invite my ....', every boy got an invite, why did you not invite him?

I get where you’re coming from with this. Work social events can become so tricky and difficult can’t they.

Do you know WHY she doesn’t like you? Is it just an assumption you’ve made cause you’re not invited, or has there been an incident between the two of you?

I think it’s very normal for you to feel a bit hurt by this. I don’t know how many people are in your workplace but say there’s around 30 people going and four or five who aren’t, then yeah that’s a dick move. Whereas if there’s 20 going and say 15 who aren’t, I think that’s fair, and she’s just invited her closer friends/people she’s worked closely with over the years.

I work in a school and social events are always a point of contention. A close colleague of mine always organises a summer social and Christmas do, invites everyone, but out of a staff of about 50, only 10-15 come. But then a small group of the ones who don’t come, then organise their own separate one and don’t invite everyone. And even though that’s fine, they can do what they want, it always just ends up feeling a b it awkward! (I know that story is irrelevant to your post, but just felt compelled to share!)

How do you know she doesn’t like you? Are you someone who orders loads and then wants to split the bill?

It's her party, she can invite or not invite whomever she wants. And why are you so desperate to go?

I’m sorry but you’re taking this far too personally. There is a lunch during the work day that everyone is invited to. That’s the co-workers event.

She’s invited others to something more personal after work - that’s a friend gathering. That’s fine, we don’t need to want to maintain friend relationships with every coworker after we leave jobs. It’s ok to just get along and work well with coworkers without wanting to be friends with every single one outside work. That doesn’t mean she dislikes you. She doesn’t need to put energy into those workplace dynamics anymore (by carefully including everyone) now that she’s leaving, she can make it about who she wants to open a post-leaving relationship with.

Plan something you’ll enjoy for that evening.

Leaving one person out of a regular work event or a group work social is bullying

Leaving a small group of people you don't like out of your leaving do isn't

I'd say if there's fifty staff and 40 or more have been involved invited then yes it's rude.

Inviting your team/department - fine

Inviting close friends/colleagues-fine

Cherry picking and leaving a few out - not cool

Are you sure you're not invited?