AIBU - not inviting everyone to the leaving do is a dick move

If I was your friend I'd reply to.the group WhatsApp and say - oh, just noticed @Packingcubesqueen and a couple of others are missing from the group accidentally, just added them. F* her, she's leaving (rude woman, not your friend).

I mean, there's already an event for everyone to say goodbye (the lunch).

Presumably this event is one she's hosting herself, or a friend is. And while I realize it's hurtful to be one of the ones left out, if I were the person whose party it was, I would not want to feel as if I needed to host the colleagues I didn't like (for whatever reason). Even the children stop having all-class parties by yr 3 or so, I don't see why adults should be forced into inviting people they don't get on with.

😆

She is already having a lunch with everyone. Why does she also have to invite everyone to her second event? I would find it odd if someone I barely know and just work with invited me to their event when I have already been invited to a lunch for the same event.
I don't understand the issue. This is not a friend, just someone you work with. They invited people they are close with. They are not close with you.

‘ bitchy crow’ is a new one to me 😀

Make sure you don't contribute to any leaving present...😉

i don’t assume that
but i do assume she’d deny it
as we all would
as i doubt many bitchy crows actually think they are!

You're projecting your own experience onto OP. They might describe you as a bitter crow, in the same way you assume op must be a bad person not to be invited.

oh no the night was fab. Fond memories.
made all the better by the absence by the three moaning bitching crows!

i don’t “know” 🙄

none of us “know” a thing about this situation

How the hell do you know that OP moans and bitches? Can I assume you got more pleasure out of leaving out the 3 colleagues than you did from the whole night out? Can I assume you loved the possibility that the 3 people felt rejected and left out?

👋 Hello, OP! I am on your side.
some posters on here have clearly not read all your posts.
And your retiring colleague is clearly a childish, nasty, cruel unprofessional piece of work. If I were one of the 15 who were invited I would decline the invitation as I would not be a part of a few people being humiliated and ostracised.

I would personally make it known, in a calm and professional way - maybe to your HOD - that you felt insulted to be left out. Teaching is a team sport so relationships are really important so if it was my department, I would be actively discouraging the leaving out of one person.

Please don’t. There is nothing to gain from this and unfortunately the potential of looking childish. The other teacher is leaving and no longer the HoD’s responsibility, this outing was arranged through personal communications, and it will happen outside work hours off premises. If it wasn’t a leaving do then it might be different, but as is there’s absolutely nothing for the HoD to do. Acknowledge that it’s ok to be hurt by not being considered by your soon-to-be former coworker, plan something else fun for that night with other friends, and let yourself move past it.

I didn’t invite a few colleagues to my leaving bash

awful people. completely brought down any social event with constant moaning and bitching (yes yes Op, you never moan and never bitch). Added to which, i put £200 behind the bar and not a chance did i want these three to have a drink on me

no regrets

was a wonderful lovely evening

YANBU. It is a dickmove and she’s a dick. It’s fine if she’d invited 8 or 9 people out of 20 but to invite almost everyone minus a few is a statement.
I am sorry that happened to you but it’s not about you, it’s about her. She’s the unkind one and you know you wouldn’t ever do that to someone.

..who they don’t like.

She is having a lunch for everyone. The night out is separate.

No, intentionally leaving out a few people.

People don’t invite people they are not close to on nights out?

Yes, this definitely goes on a lot.

I voted YABU but now there is more context I do think it's out of order to exclude you when it's such a small school, especially if, as you say, there has been no falling out. Your friend asking whether you are going suggests there is no wider known reason why this colleague wouldn't invite you. In larger schools this would be less of an issue but I can see why you feel hurt . I don't think there is anything you can do although I would personally make it known, in a calm and professional way - maybe to your HOD - that you felt insulted to be left out. Teaching is a team sport so relationships are really important so if it was my department, I would be actively discouraging the leaving out of one person.

I agree, the pages of posters defending the leaving teacher means that this goes on a lot and people don't care.

She IS inviting the friends she’s close with! It doesn’t matter what YOU would do! She’s having the ‘leaving lunch’ with all staff, then going out with other staff that she’s especially friendly with! I honestly don’t see the problem.

I was in teaching many years and I often saw this: a retiring colleague having a separate farewell meal with 5 or 6 close colleagues. Never gave it another thought.

Are you upset because much larger umbers are involved? Like 30 out of 40 people are invited?

Why would you want to hang out with people you don’t like on your leaving night?

She has a lunch for everyone, if she wants to have a night out with only her close friend colleagues, that’s absolutely fine.

Some people don't like you OP and that's ok.

It's the same for everyone other than perhaps the People Pleasers.

So she has a leaving do organised for her that everyone is invited to, and a smaller one for her closer colleagues that she's organised herself ? I don't see the problem with that if it's a sit down meal or something like that where headcount might need to be limited. Maybe she has colleagues that she feels closer to than to you?