AIBU - not inviting everyone to the leaving do is a dick move

if she's invited most of the other staff, as you said, then she has might have simply overlooked a few of you who didn't get invited perhaps?

Personally, I think she should have invited everyone, since the large majority of staff are going and will probably be discussing it before/after, making it awkward for the the few that weren't invited. I am sure those that didn't feel they would fit in would decline the invite anyway, and those that do accept won't dampen the fun of the majority, but then not everyone is as considerate of others feelings, unfortunately. I do think you've received some harsh comments on this thread btw.

This ^^

I agree with you OP, it's really mean to just leave a handful of people out. Unless those people are really mean or bullies etc I guess.

I reckon the same rule applies as for kids' parties - invite less than half or invite everyone (of any group, e.g. the class, the boys, the girls, the department, the social group, etc)

I’m with OP, if you work in a school and the majority are invited and just a handful aren’t, it seems a bit unkind. Obviously the leavers choice, but unkind all the same if only a few are excluded.

Reasoning?!!

You are hugely lacking in self awareness.

Other than not being invited what makes you think she doesn't like you? Are you brave enough to ask her outright why you & XYZ didn't get an invite? Try not to be too upset by it. If she's not a close friend then don't let it bother you. Some people just don't get how their actions can affect others.

I don't think you're being unreasonable tbh. It's not nice to be left out if its only a few excluded.

This is common in schools. So many people have their little cliques and won’t invite new people even though there’s been nearly a whole staff turnover. So the new staff form a clique.

maybe start your own clique to go for meals with etc.

good news is this person is leaving so won’t be your problem soon.

you could ask them in front of a few people what the plan is as you’re looking forward to it 😜

I think it depends how big your school is.

This happened to me once and I felt terrible, but it was a very small primary school with only 12 members of staff and I was the only one not invited. The member of staff was in a non-teaching role and didn’t work closely with anyone else. It had been organised by another member of staff, I suspect the head teacher, so I think I’d been deliberately left out rather than it being an oversight as I used to get left out of other stuff too. 😭

I think you need to find something else to focus on, it's not about you

She should have kept the 'friends - only' leaving do quiet. Have a feeling she was reserving the private event for some serious boozing that she felt would not be everyone's cup of tea and would prefer not to be witnessed by those whom she doesn't know well. I'd do the same, only I'd make sure that anyone who got wind of it, got an invite. That's why there's a nun at my school who ends up at everything. Ears like a bat!

It is very poor form, but if it was not organised through work, i.e. through official (email) or unofficial work channels (general work WhatsApp or similar) then there isn't anything you can do.

That said, this seems to go on a lot in Schools from what I can see. Generally SLTs are shit at managing exclusionary behaviour amongst staff, well they are generally shit at people management from what I have seen.

I would definitely do it if it was me - rudeness should be called out! Though agree that @Packingcubesqueen in such a circumstance should politely decline as she will be washing her hair.

A lot of posters on her must have thick skin. I would love to not care in a situation like this but if the vast majority were invited then I would feel a little hurt by that too. Yes, it's her completely her right but if you've never actually fallen out and got on ok with her then it is a little unkind. I'm a teacher too and we constantly preach to the children about including everyone, if we see someone in the playground on their own, ask them to play, forgive your friend, share, be kind but yet we can't extend it to ourselves.

I think it's really childish OP, I work in a school too and we teach children to be kind and accepting of everyone but as adults, we don't practise what we preach! It's mean and unnecessary.

YANBU OP, it would be considered very poor form anywhere I’ve worked. If she wants to have a night out with mates, that’s obviously her business, but to call it a leaving do and discuss it at work is tactless.

I wouldn’t go to anything to do with her, if that’s how shes acting, leave her to it

She probably does “like” you. You just aren’t in her close group and she’s leaving so you won’t be part of her life/ever see her again.. it’s just one of those, yeah I know her, used to work with her, but 2 years on I can’t remember her name. You’d probably feel the same about her?

@Tiredofallthis101

However @Packingcubesqueen will have more self respect now to accept an invitation, she is very well aware she is not and was not invited to this out of working hours not on working premises private party.

the friend wouldn’t be able to do thjs (thank goodness)

only the person (presumably the person who is arranging the farewell drinkers) who set up the whatsapp group can add people

I happily rubbed along with my colleagues…didn’t want to go for a night out with several of them though! As I said previously, everyone is going to be at her ‘leaving lunch’ after that, if she chooses to go out with the people she’s closer too, then I truly can’t see the problem.