Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this apology an absolute cheek

218 replies

Crabsinthesea · 06/08/2024 15:11

Yesterday I heard my two friends making fun of my weight behind my back in a restaurant whilst I went to the toilet. I confronted them and they just said it was banter and I need to take a joke. I said I wasn’t happy and then there was an atmosphere until we went home shortly after. Then today I received this text.

So she’s blaming me for being sensitive and telling me to move on! What a cheek! A complete non apology and I’m even more fuming!

To find this apology an absolute cheek
OP posts:
BCBird · 06/08/2024 17:10

Awful people
Raise the bar and get rid

Crumpleton · 06/08/2024 17:09

SpicyMoth · 06/08/2024 16:22

Can't stand this "sorry you were offended" bollocks.

This...

It's not the person making an apology to you for what they said.

They're not in any way sorry that they offended you, more that they can't understand why you felt offended by what they said.

Could be seen as a double slap in the face to you.

JennyJenny8675309 · 06/08/2024 17:09

ByCupidStunt · 06/08/2024 15:51

She does sound genuinely sorry. I'd be inclined to let it go once.

Oh, please. 🙄

Miffylou · 06/08/2024 17:08

"Banter" is people exchanging teasing but friendly remarks, not talking about someone behind their back. Trying to shift the blame onto you for being "too sensitive" makes it a non-apology. If she was really sorry she wouldn't have done either of those things.

If you don’t want to cut her off completely (and if she really was being unpleasant, not just saying something like "Crabsinthesea has put on weight, hasn’t she?") you could try telling her that the way she texted you shows she isn’t really sorry at all - but I can’t see it ending well after that.

DancelikeFredAstaire · 06/08/2024 17:07

"Knowing how sensitive you can be, we shouldn't have said it really"

"How's this for sensitive? Take your "banter", shove it up your arse and fuck off out of my life, bitch".

MattSmithsBowTie · 06/08/2024 17:03

Anyone who uses the word ‘banter’ should be put up against a wall and shot.

EI12 · 06/08/2024 16:56

They are not your friends.

Twistybranch · 06/08/2024 16:54

What did making fun of your weight entail? What did they actually say?

BeeCucumber · 06/08/2024 16:54

You only got an “apology” because you challenged them. I can imagine them being mean behind your back- how unkind. I’m sorry OP - you need better friends.

IncompleteSenten · 06/08/2024 16:50

It is horrible.
You should reply that taking the piss out of you behind your back is not banter, it's spiteful mockery, she can shove her non apology up her arse and lose your number.

DoAClassicCamel · 06/08/2024 16:49

They obviously think that whacking a heart emoji at the end of a message shows they’re really sorry 💜

LadyLucksalot · 06/08/2024 16:46

Ride high, OP. Echoing what everybody else is saying. They don't deserve you. You can do so much better.

Block, hair-flick and move on. Onwards to better friends.

Apolloneuro · 06/08/2024 16:45

OP that’s awful. With friends like these, who needs enemies, as the saying goes.

No decent friend is unkind in this way.

AGoingConcern · 06/08/2024 16:43

That’s not an apology and these are not your friends. I’m sorry that you found out this way, I know it’s painful. I hope you don’t put any more energy into relationships with these people.

betterangels · 06/08/2024 16:42

Rosemarysprinkle · 06/08/2024 16:41

Let’s just say they did send a better apology, I still do not think you would be able to get over how they truly viewed you. If my friend said something nasty about the way I looked and I over heard, even if they were embarrassed and apologised meaningfully I’d assumed it’s just because they got caught and that’s how they truly view me. Either way, the friendships over

Edited

Yeah, same.

Rosemarysprinkle · 06/08/2024 16:41

Let’s just say they did send a better apology, I still do not think you would be able to get over how they truly viewed you. If my friend said something nasty about the way I looked and I over heard, even if they were embarrassed and apologised meaningfully I’d assumed it’s just because they got caught and that’s how they truly view me. Either way, the friendships over

otravezempezamos · 06/08/2024 16:36

betterangels · 06/08/2024 16:32

'I'm sorry you're so sensitive" is not an apology.

Show quote history

They just sound hideously immature.

Marveladdict · 06/08/2024 16:35

“You can take your sorry and shove it up your arse”
then block and enjoy friendships with decent people

Trickabrick · 06/08/2024 16:35

I’d reply “If it was banter and not bitchiness, you’d have said it to my face rather than when you thought I couldn’t hear you. Happy to leave it, if by that you mean our friendship as I don’t accept your non-apology’

coolkatt · 06/08/2024 16:34

Trying to gaslight the hell out you. These are
Not friends.
Yes we can all be sensitive about our weight. And we can all
Joke about each others weight/bits we hate etc. in front of each other.
Doing behind your back is just bitchy. They got caught. They trying to backtrack and put it on to you being sensitive cos the minute you stop being friends and fall
Out over it everyone will
Want to know why and they/she doesn't want everyone to know what a cow she is and that she slags off her mates and she's a
Two faced cow. So she's gaslighting u instead. Really, she's done u a favour. Tell her to fk off.

Tiredofallthis101 · 06/08/2024 16:32

Dignified response would be to say - that you're blaming me for being sensitive rather than acknowledging how unkind you were suggests you are not actually sorry. You are not a real friend and I don't feel there's anything further to say.

Undignified: you can fuck right off. Happy to leave it- the friendship that is. Goodbye.

betterangels · 06/08/2024 16:32

otravezempezamos · 06/08/2024 16:25

Well it is an apology as in she says sorry and admits they shouldn't have said it. But to do it in the first place shows they aren't your friends. And she should have rung you, not texted.

'I'm sorry you're so sensitive" is not an apology.

Sassybooklover · 06/08/2024 16:31

If the comments were said whilst you were sat with them, perhaps it could have been 'banter'. However, I am guessing either on the way or way back from visiting the toilet, you overheard a conversation between them? That wasn't 'banter', that was being nasty and bitchy behind your back. The response from your friend wasn't an apology, she blamed you for being sensitive, and that's her justification. Tell her, that the comments were bitchy, nasty and were said behind your back. You wouldn't expect people, who you consider friends to treat you like that.

Hobbes8 · 06/08/2024 16:31

sunshine244 · 06/08/2024 15:17

It's a bit of a non-apology. But having said that it's hard to judge without knowing what was said and the context.

There's a vast difference between, for example, a joke relating to someone looks horrible and fat vs joking about someone's clothes not suiting their weight.

There’s no difference at all between those two things

betterangels · 06/08/2024 16:30

sunshine244 · 06/08/2024 15:17

It's a bit of a non-apology. But having said that it's hard to judge without knowing what was said and the context.

There's a vast difference between, for example, a joke relating to someone looks horrible and fat vs joking about someone's clothes not suiting their weight.

Why the fuck would anyone do either behind someone's back? Supposedly adult women. They can fuck off.

These are not your friends, OP. I hope you know you deserve better company.

Swipe left for the next trending thread